"red flags" should i be worried??sorry long

[Ahardmanisgoodtofind]

my ds just turned 20months, and today while at a play group one of the mothers kept saying things like "thats red flag behaviour". i just smiled and googled when i got home and now im a blubbering mess. My ds, doesnt talk (wasnt worried before: my partner and his 6siblings didnt talk before 2) except for repeating mama dada car chair "dat" (for cat and Gio our cats name) he doesnt use words independently, just copies -when he feels like it. he doesnt point at all for anything ever. he used to wave bye bye but now refuses. he's always (from 3.5-4 months) balanced things on his thumb, anything circular. He can do with out this but if you gave him keys to play with he would put his thumb through the ring and go nuts if you took them back. he does clap if i sing if your happy any you know it clap your hands but doesnt do twinkle twinkle or any other nursery rhyme, he doesnt hand me things if i ask......i should take him to my gp shouldn't I? or am i over reacting??

He's a bit young to be worried yet. My dd was the same, she's now 18 and fine.

Ds1 didn't talk until well past 2yo either, and to put our minds at ease we did that autism screening test (chat?) and I found that he didn't have enough of the signs to get worried about.

Have you tried one of them?

What an unfortunate manner that other woman you met today has. Is she in any way qualified as a childcare expert? Because she shouldn't really be using that kind of terminology if she isn't; and if she is, she shouldn't be offering it unsolicited, in open conversation. Sounds to me like the person with the biggest problem in your description of the day is her, IMO.

Regarding your son, I wouldn't really know about those developmental milestones, though didn't speak myself til I was two. I'm quite good at it now, so it doesn't seem to have made a difference. If you had thought there was something not quite happening with him before that very odd woman started using inappropriate language about him in order to emphasise how very well she feels her own child is doing, then go to the GP tomorrow. But if you think he's doing fine, and would have continued to do so notwithstanding redflagmum (that's a technical term for someone you should avoid if possible and ignore if near), then probably chill out a bit, have a talk to some genuine friends/ people without weird redflag issues, see if you think he is more or less on the same wavelength as kids around his age on most things, pop to the GP if still concerned. Whatever you do, continue enjoying and loving him.

Hi. Firstly that mother was out of order and thoughtless. Secondly some of the things you describe are markers but that does not mean your son is on the spectrum. As already suggested check out the chat questionnaire. This is known to be a good indicator but again failure to tick off enough things still doesn't mean your son is on the spectrum.

If the chat questionnaire does suggest a problem def see gp for referral to see paediatrician just in case. My dd1 failed this test at 18/20 months and we got diagnosis of autism 7 weeks ago at 3years 1 month old.

Not all children point, you have family history of late talkers, and an obsession with something doesn't mean autism. Try not to panic ( easier said than done I know :))

I think it was very rude of the other mother to make a comment like that !! There's not enough information in what you say to really know if there could be an issue or not. Shared attention and shared understanding are more important at 20 months so this an area you could ask for more advice about. I do think developmental milestones are important and it can be frustrating to keep hearing anecdotes that claim otherwise but there's not a simple or clear way to interpret what a failure to meet a milestone is going to mean for an individual child.

I'm mum to two children with autism so I assume the red flags she is mentioning are for autism.Personally I'd never ever give my opinion unless I was asked because autism for the parent is scary and a child can have many traits and still not have autism.If you asked me I'd say all children are different, all children acquire skills at different times but I don't think there would be any harm in you approaching your GP and asking her to do the CHAT (checklist for autism in toddlers) assessment for your reassurance. This wouldn't prove or disprove autism but would mean that if there were concerns your child would be referred to a paediatrician for further assessment.HTH

thank you everyone. i think i need to make an appointment with my gp/hv since my ds hasnt been seen since he was 7months (with the exception of vaccinations, and then it was "hi" stab "bye, literally) and will ask for them to do the CHAT thingy. i genuinely don't know why i let this woman get to me, or suddenly decided google was the way to go for sensible answers (blush). i'm no longer panicking (as much).

This person clearly is tactless and lacking in social awareness.

However, when DS was 2.3 the HV said something rather similar to me and I freaked, got angry / sad etc... and thought 'how dare you suggest there's something up with my child'. Well a few weeks later I went back to apologise. She could have communicated her concerns much much better, but looking back I'm now very glad she did say something.

DS sounds pretty similar to your description. Anyway, a year on he's had lots of speech therapy, is doing great (we're now bottom end of normal scale on language), but does have some traits of autism and is under ongoing paediatric assessment. I know he'll be fine, but he does need extra support and probably will for some time. What the key issue here is, is early intervention (getting going on speech therapy etc.. as ealy as you can) makes a big difference.

So, all in all, I'd say better safe than sorry. Get to your GP, demand a referal (took a few goes to get ours to refer us even with the HV asking him to). There's a rather long wait in most areas, so best get on with it ASAP. Chances are by the time you're seen it'll be fine, your DS is very very young still. But, if not it's best to get onto things quick.