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My 7 nearly 8 year old is having temper tantrums. Need help in how to control/help him.

3 replies

Louboo2245 · 27/03/2012 17:11

My Ds skipped the terrible 2's and instead had the terrible 4's, 5's and 6's. We finally thought he had come through the other side and his behaviour had improved greatly. (during this time he didn't just throw himself on the floor and scream. he would bite, kick, spit and lash out) We dealt this with time out taking away treats and on very rare occasions where he had done something dangerous a smacked bottom.

Anyway this seemed to have stopped, he seemed to be able to control himself and and while he occasionally flounced off he was no longer violent. Anyway I was in and out of hospital through december and gave birth to DD in January and in general he has been fantastic, but his old behaviour is starting to creep back in.

He tries to hurt me both emotionally. 'I don't want to live with you, I'm going to live with Auntie.' 'I don;t care about you' etc and physically smacking me, kicking me, scratching me and for the first time ever spitting (I can't abide spitting). I am still hormonal and am finding this difficult to deal with. There is also the fact he is no longer a little boy, he it quite big and I can't 'put' him somewhere. I'm also frightened if I don't nip this in the bud now, what the f**k am I going to do when he's a teen?????

I understand after 8 years with all the attention it's a difficult transition and I am trying to give him time, especially after DD is in bed and doing things with just him when time allows. And in saying this he is very loving to his sister and helpful in doing jobs in helping me looking after her.

But this flare up is doing my head in and it's taking a lot for me not to stoop to his level and tell him to piss of and go and live with Auntie!

Help Please!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
survivingspring · 27/03/2012 20:48

Frustrating isn't it! He's more than likely just wanting your undivided attention again and finding it hard to tell you but I agree it is so hard when they hurt you both physically and mentally. What happens when he calms down? Can you talk about his behaviour then?

I have a very similar problem with my son who is the same age. He's a total nightmare when he's angry - rude and aggressive and I really struggle with his moods.

One thing I did read and tried was to ask him, when calm, how I should deal with his behaviour. He said I should tell him 3 times to calm down and if he doesn't, he should not go out with his dad at the weekend (his treat). Has worked quite well so far because he enjoys it so much.

I also make him give me a hug when he gets cross as I've also read that physical touch can help calm them down. Often, they are so emotional they don't know what to do with themselves. DH has also taught him some meditation and calming techniques although he's still a bit young to take it seriously!

Louboo2245 · 27/03/2012 23:04

He doesn't like going over what has happened, I think he get embarrassed about what he has done and just doesn't want to think about it.

I think I might ask him about how I should deal with him, see what he says.

He does well if he has space to time out and be on his own, but if we are out and about he escalates quite quickly.

I suppose I just have to ride it out.

Thanks for the advice, x

OP posts:
thelittlebluepills · 28/03/2012 21:29

sounds very familiar - we have contacts with our local social services team and they have recommended a book - "the incredible years" which I'm finding very helpful as it talks about this violent outbursts that our 7 yo also has (sometimes lasting 40 mins). haven't got much time to type but hopefully this will help a bit

please please believe that you are not alone in this - chin up Smile

have a Wine

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