Any advice on coping with a 'runner'

[DizzyDancing]

DS2 (2 1/2) is a 'runner' - just disappears out of my sight on a whim and is always running off. I cope with this mostly by keeping him on reins when we're out and about (the backpack one as this is the only one he'll tolerate) but they're are some places where this is not very appropriate.

For instance playgrounds/parks etc. I took him to Legoland on Friday and he ran off repeatedly, even when I turned my back for a second. He's so fast he can disappear really quickly. He was in the water park with his older brother (3) and all their friends, I was talking to DS1 looked up and he had gone - we found him about 4 minutes later (felt like a lifetime) at the top of DuploLand so he had gone some way. I can't keep him on reins in the water park but he just doesn't seem to be getting the message about staying safe.

One of my friends has suggested some sort of tracking device, does anyone know about these or does anyone have one?

Most of the time he is not doing this to be naughty, he is just very impulsive and doesn't think about the consequences of what he's doing. He will go a long way before realising that mummy is not there .

Any advice?

It gets better, DD went every where in reins until she was about 3.3 when she stopped bolting at every opportunity, just every other

However, I was luck because DD1 was incredibly sensible about roads, from 2.5 she would stop.

Problem was her outwardly far more sensible, very rarely bolting younger sister wasn't. DH and DD1 tended to forget this and I spent about 5 years reminding them.

This is all a bit depressing, ds is only 16 months and is already a bolter. He is so superfast, he's gone in a blink of an eye! If he is going to be like this until 3/4 i think I'll drop dead of exhaustion! He also hates the pushchair and is so strong that I really struggle to get him in and he moans and complains while he is in there even on a nice walk.

I have a friend who has the rule anyone who is within touching distance of her when she shouts a codeword gets a small sweet. It can work if you have other children who will listen, which you do have

Badgerina that is spectacularly crap advice it is clear you have never had a bolter to keep safe.

I agree with the others, pushchair or reins as a consequence and persevere, repeat after me it is only a phase.

A long long time ago, I worked as a behavioural therapist for children with a
autism and what we did for a little girl who bolted was something like this:

You need two adults for this.

1. Find a field or garden that is enclosed and has a gate but the child cannot escape from once you close the gate behind you.
2. One adult walks in the gate holding the child's hand on on the reins or whatever.The other adult is a short distance away but can move to catch the child. Drop hands/remove reins.
3. Child will run.
4. When the child is in within catching distance of the other adult, shout "stop" (you may need to try this a few times to get a feel for where the child will run, as part of the aim is to prevent chasing which is part of the reinforcement for bolting).
5. Adult stops the child if the child doesn't stop and walks the child back to the adult who came in the gate.
6. Child gets a sweet for coming back.

The child may need a good few "goes" to get the idea that stop = go back and get sweet, but when they have this down, then you can try to mess around with it so that it becomes more independent by varying the distance, or having the adult who catches simply point to the adult with the sweet when they call out stop..

I am inclined to agree that reins and chasing do perpetuate this behaviour although I would probably keep the reins when out and about for safety but hope to move towards a situation where dc didn't think they would be chased and it would be safe to relax the reins.

Also, shout STOP rather than come back or their name. Short, sharp, authoritative. I hate to say it, but like you would with a dog...

Buggy, reins and the use of if u don't listen to mummy you will sit in the buggy,ect or sanctions like a previous poster put again and again and again. I had to just keep doing it. The reins are such a massive threat now he usually listens.
We did the run off in a safe place as far as you can and when I say stop you stop, initially I used choc buttons someone will say I'm wrong but only as I was so desperate after the following

Took Ds 3 and DD 1 to chessington in feb this year with a friend whose Ds 3 is pefect I lost him 3 times, once for 10 minutes straight he was so bloody fast had to literally dump 1 yr old in buggy as run after him poor DD.

this was on the back of him walking our of nursery and heading to the park when he was 2 yrs and 9 months ( he's not there anymore). I stopped going out for a while and or the park but I think are getting better.

It is so hard I get comments all the time re buggy as I have a side by side I don't care I really don't parents who don't have mini Usain Bolts have no idea how tirying, frustrating, scary etc it is.

Do have to say I was so glad to read your post meant I was not the only one.

thunks - except I shouted 'stop!' loudly and firmly at DD in the street and a business man next to me froze in terror

lolo at business man. Did you use The Voice?

yes to reins or buggy

Yes I did use The Voice and judging by his expression I used The Face as well...

you go, girlfriend

Sorry, this dropped off my "threads I'm on" .

Thank you all so much for posting - I'm having some success with the threat of reins/buggy already, it's just being consistent that I'm having problems with but we'll get there.

lala, reading this thread has helped for the same reason - knowing I'm not alone.

shrinking, your post made me laugh - I had a similar experience in a shop when MiniDizzy ran away and I shouted out his name, an old guy stood by the door jumped and turned around thinking I was talking to him ! He thought it was hilarious thankfully .

Joking aside, having a runner is very scary and I worry when he goes out without me - especially with GPs who obviously aren't fast enough to keep up with him . It is only a phase - I just hope it doesn't last too long . . .

Both my children did this. I once did 5 circuits of a supermarket, with the checkout girls urging me on at every circuit ("He's just gone down there!") I have no real solution, sorry. I would say, keep the reins for now and see where you are in six months. But I may be wrong.