Help! My five week is old is driving me up the wall!!!!

[Rowood]

This is my third child (have 2 DSs 7 &9) I also have two stepchildren who are 8&10. I now have a five week old DD. her rOutine and behaviour is very erratic with no routine what's so ever. Some nights and days are fab and calm and others are crazy. I'm not sure if I have forgotten if my other children were like this or whether they were calmer. I can't seem to get anything done some days. It does not help that my partner when he is at home
Keeps feeding her each time she cries, so she is grazing without having a full feed or she pukes because she is too full.
The irony of this is I actually lecture early years development- it has gone out of the window completely.
PLEASE HELP with some advice

5 week olds don't really have a routine. How can they, when they are changing and growing every day? Every day their needs are different.

It is really hard trying to get things done when you have a newborn (I know, I have a 3 week old). Feeding on demand is a good thing.

Some babies are harder work than others. Try and sack off anything that doesn't genuinely need to be done, delegate as much as possible, and remember that this phase won't last for ever.

Sounds like you have lots to learn about early years development :-( She's 5 weeks old, she hasn't read any of the routine books, stop trying to force her to fit in with your life and follow her needs instead. Enjoy her being little while you can.

she is too little for routine and right age for a growth spurt, hence the frequent feeding!

I find myself thinking about you in the wee small hours of my night feeds OP. I think it's the phase 'driving you up the wall' - I could be barking up the wrong tree but it seems a funny thing to say about such a tiny baby. I find that everything else drives me up the wall sometimes when all I want to do is look after my newborn, but it's not her doing. I'm probably reading into something that isn't there, but do come back and talk if it would help and you're finding things harder than you expected. My newborn is also my 3rd, and it is a juggling act, I know.

Having read the posts, I realise I was having an awful day - neighbours upset me, car has been deemed a right off and house is upside down. It was me yesterday and not my baby. I get emails from baby groups talking about starting to get in a routine and I felt like we were a million miles away from that. I
Also have the ear infection from hell. my partner also works funny shifts and I was genuinely having a really shit couple of hours, it wasn't even a crap whole day on reflection.
My daughter is beautiful, I am exceptionally
Lucky to Live in an amazing place and I have a beautiful family. It made me feel better to realise that of course my baby will
Not be in a routine just yet.

@ Rowood: There is no need to apologise for feeling the way you do. Its hard with a newborn. I think you are completely right for wanting a routine. Its normal to want to make things more ordered so that such a demanding situation is more manageable.

@ All the other posts: you have all been a bit harsh. A little bit of sympathy is needed, I feel. Rowood asked for constructive help and advice.

I have a 4 week old and have been feeding on demand and sleeping on demand too (if that phrase exists). Both me and my husband are at the end of our tether. He has gone off to work with one hour sleep after I 'hogged' the sleeping luxury last night. I was crying while feeding a couple of days ago due to exhaustion and the relentlessness of all it all. This is NOT healthy for anyone, especially our daughter.

So I completely understand your wanting a routine. I am trying to get one in place. By routine I mean a general time for doing the same thing every day - not stopwatch timing. Face it life with a newborn is like groundhog day anyway and having no social life at all makes it easier.

Here is my 'routine' that I still trying to estabilsh and will need constant revision of course:

midnight: feed
3 am: feed
6 am: feed
during this time, baby sleeps in cot or in bed with us. Luckily our daughter is like clockwork at night...thank god!!!
6 am - 9 am: get out of bed depending on how much sleep

Then a cycle of feeding/'playing' (looking at stuff, doing housework with baby in carrier, watching telly together)/trying to get her to nap (ha ha ha!!!). Try to feed every 2-3 hours. Try desparately to get dressed, showered and eat during this time. Working on improving baby's self-soothing skills so that I can do these things.

Afternoon walk (1-4 pm roughly): this is essential for me and my sanity. Going shopping, go to the library, go for cup of tea. Baby sleeps and may have one feed during this.

Another cycle of feeding/playing/napping until 7 pm.

Feed on demand until baby falls asleep usually 9-10 ish, but has been later.

Feeding on demand was doing my head in. My little girl fights sleep and so gets grumpy very easily. I was mistaking overtiredness for hunger, which led to her snacking all the time...bloody exhausting. It was not working for us.

I admit that I have read the Baby Whispherer and found it very helpful. I have cherry-picked the bits that work for our little family. Its still in the early stages, but I mentally need a semblance of a routine for my mental health. I do not ever want to be at the stage where I am crying while singing a lullaby.

One of the posters said that 'driving me up the wall' was an odd turn of phrase. I consider it to be better than 'wishing I had not had my daughter', which has gone through my mind a few times. I am taking steps to ensure that I enjoy my time with my daughter and that her, me and my husband are happy in this new adventure together.

I think that every child, parent and situation is different. There is no absolute right and wrong way of doing things. It is the responsibility of the parent to take others' advice and adapt it so that it suits you and your child. Feeding on demand will work for some and not for others.

@ Rowood: Good luck and I hope that it gets easier :)

oops monster post! But i need to add a PS

Feeding on demand did not work for our baby as it lead to her eating too much causing lots of sick and painful wind. Also the midwife showed us that she has put on so much weight that she has an almost vertical line rather than a growth curve, so clearly does not need all that extra food.

Maybe some babies are better at regulating their food intake than others just like adults.

Sorry you were having a bad day Rowood, and I hope things are better today.

my 3rd DC was a high needs baby too, so I know exactly how you feel. I have to go attend to my still very demanding, now 3yo, dc3, but I'll be back later to share some of my survival tips :)

My DD now 6 months was breast fed on demand and a bottle refuser so no respite at all. She cluster fed in the evening from around 3pm (just right for DSS 1 and 2 coming home from school) to 9pm. Once down she would wake every 15 mins until around 10pm. At 16 weeks she hit the 'sleep regression'.

After much stress, angst and crying on my part, I accepted that she cluster fed and settled myself on the sofa for the evening. I tried to make tea earlier in the day, between grumbling and whinging (stew, chilli, curry and pasta are good contenders, only requiring warming and rice/dumplings throwing in the oven). I also plonked her in bed with me when, at 4am, I found myself sobbing because she had weed as I changed her nappy and it had wet her sleepsuit and sheet . She slept with me for about a month and then contrary to the opinions of my family, she DID leave my bed and is back in her cot, feeding twice in the night and going straight back down to sleep.

I agree with Gloucestergirl - I put in a loose routine for myself. She didn't often comply but it gave me some sense of order when I felt as though my life had been tipped upside down. Obviously a 5 week old has no routine but that doesn't mean you can't begin the process of them learning bath time etc.

when I have fond various stages tough to cope with, I found that just accepting what is really helped. I also roped in the other children as much as possible - it is such a weight off just having someone empty the dishwasher and take out the bins!

I also have a 5 week old ds and find his sleep/feeding is all over the place. I feel shattered, as I have 2 older dc's of 6 and 4. It is the constant demands from everyone that I find difficult.

I am hoping things will settle down in a few weeks and we will see some sort of routine developing. Hope it happens for you too

I'm going to buck the trend, here, and say I do a routine. I have since birth. I'd never make my DD wait for a feed, but I do offer her milk every three hours between 7am and 7pm. I did the same through the night, too, and she dropped these ones as and when she decided.

I found it frustrating with my DH as he only really felt confident feeding her, rather than looking for ways to entertain her, so his first port of call was bottle too.

I have a 'suckly' baby, who has taken well to a dummy, as sometimes she needs the comfort of a suckle but is not hungry. Maybe a dummy would help appease her when you know it isn't hunger that's making her cry.

I also found that, in order to ensure a smooth day, I sort of 'took charge' with feeds etc. DH would still do a feed, but only when I asked him to.

THaNKYOU! ESP GloucesterGirl! You have nailed exactly what I was trying to say. An update, that evening I thought I am going to try my hardest regardless of what people have said to get her into a routine. OMG I can honestly
Say I feel
Like a different person! Here it is: 7am feed and awake for an hour- nappy off and looking at black and white images on iPad or in books, will also take her into garden or a walk round the house whilst I sort other kids out.
8am swaddle and back in crib- leave alone to doze off.
11.30 wake to feed if not already awake
12.30 back in crib or pushchair
4.00 wake to feed if not awake
5.00 back in crib or in sling whilst I take other kids to the park- she will sleep until 6.30ish
7.30 bath and feed and back in crib swaddled
11.30 dream feed
Between 3.30-4.30 she wakes for a feed and back in crib
Wakes at 7 or is woken depending upon the last feed time.
This has worked for the last three days- I started it a bath time and went from there. I am actually missing her but finally getting a rest or jobs done. I am hoping it lasts but if it doesn't I have learnt that her biggest problem was being over tired and being awake too long. She has not had her dummy either and doesn't get angry. She also drinks a full bottle every time.
Bet I've tempted fate and will have a shit might tonight haha... Seriously hoping not though! The irony of this is is that I have an awful head and sore throat since resting too much! At least I'm more relaxed though.
Thanks again and I hope things get easier for us all