3.9yo still addicted to skin contact- driving me insane!

[BigBoobieCookie]

My lovely DS2 is 3.9 and is a very physically expressive, touchy feely boy. He sucks his thumb and when he is upset/ tired/ feeling unwell/in need of a little additional comfort he is obsessed with stroking somebody (anybody) else's skin. So if I am there, he'll want a cuddle and try and stick his hand up my sleeve/trouser leg/down my top/ on my chest area ANYWHERE that he can get some skin contact. Same with nursery key worker/ nana if there (although to a lesser extent) Often he'll then rub his hand around or "twiddle" about. Does it with his feet too, he likes to have bare feet and if you are in his vicinity then watch out! He will want to sit next to you and "grab" you with his toes (Which is a little bit funny, he's like a baby koala clinging on but by goodness this hurts! And especially when he gets in bed with us in the morning, its not a nice way to be woken up at early o'clock)

This whole issue is driving me utterly insane and its got to the point where I feel reluctant to pick him up because it's so intrusive and the more it happens the more I am getting crosser and crosser . We are a cuddly and demostrative family, so cuddles or hand holding and other physical affection is fine and happens without any thought but this one thing is out of control and I don't know what to do about it.

I remove his hand with a firm "no", I have explained in age-appropriate language that its not kind to touch other peoples bodies like this, I have tried finding a blanket or something that is suitably soft and warm and silky for him to stroke instead, I've been wearing long sleeves/high neck tops etc all winter but I don't want to have to do this and nothing has worked so far! And most of all I don't want to have to not cuddle him.

Until recently this behaviour has been restricted to adults but at the weekend he and ds1 (7) were cuddled up together on the sofa and ds2 dropped off to sleep with his hand up ds1's sleeve. DS1 wasn't bothered but as ds2 is starting school in September (so small!) I would like to be able to change this situation sooner rather than later so that his reception teacher and now maybe classmates don't have to put up with this.

Any ideas on how I can change the pattern of "pick up = hand down top"?

My DD is like this too (3.5). She's sat on me right now! She loves my upper arms especially and will put her hand under a short sleeve and sometimes goes a bit too far in the direction of down my top which I absolutely will not have! If I have the cheek to have long sleeves on she will put her arm right up the whole length of it. That often stretches it and of course I cannot then bend my arm. Worst of all is when she's really tired and will put both her arms up my arms and that makes me feel so restricted and claustrophobic. Most of the time I put up with it (except when she pinches my elbows or scratches me with her nails which she also loves to do) but when it gets too much I do tell her to get off me which leads to lots of tears, demands to be let back on my lap etc. If DH is here I send her off to him so she can twiddle his elbows for a bit instead! She just licked my arm a second ago. Don't like that either. I don't have any advice but I know what it's like.

I think it's great to be so loved but it does get too much. But then I think I will miss it when she stops.

Have read your post again and she will put her bare feet on my arms too. I totally draw the line at that though as it's is so easy to end up being kicked.

Was your DS like this as a baby too? My DD would only nap on me for a long time. Got nothing done at all. Don't get much now either actually! If I'm in the house she wants to be sitting on me.

I wouldn't worry too much about him doing it at school. The dynamic will be so different there.

The worst thing is the invasion into your personal space all the time isn't? And we're a very cuddly family too.

My left arm is all aglow from being mithered with for so long!

Can you take him to a material department (John Lewis) and let him choose something soft as his 'raggy.' My DD sucks her thumb and has a really soft t-shirt to snuggle at night. I found that taking her to material dept was very cheap - obviously don't let them choose hand embroidered silk - and if I lost it, was very easy to replace and stopped her getting attached to one particular object. Its the softness she loves

I sympathise too - DD (3.3) isn't quite so koala-ish but she is completely obsessed with ears (mine and DH's especially, but she's been known to do it to her granny and her nursery workers). She loves to hang onto and squeeze the lobes, which isn't too bad, but she also likes scrunching up the edges of your ears - really hard, sometimes, so you can hear/feel the cartilage crunching! DH hates it and while I don't like it either, I'm more tolerant of it than he is. She basically does it when she's tired or just needing comfort of some sort (she used to do it as a baby, when feeding, but her hands were a lot gentler then!). I'm sure she'll grow out of it at some point - sooner rather than later, ideally...

Fourbears- oh gosh yes to the licking and scratching and the upper arms thing- I have a little "wobbly" mole just on the soft skin of one upper arm and another in the crook of one elblow and it is these things that he loves the most. He was also like your DD as a baby, and I used a sling a lot as I could not get a thing done otherwise and probably didn't manage to even when he was in it (I am now quite adept at having a wee - or worse- with a small child on my lap, though thankfully have not needed to for quite some time!) I breastfed him until he was just over 2 and even now he is relctant to let anyone else settle him. DH can do it fine if I am not in the house - although there is no settling involved, as ds2 just gets in bed and tells daddy to go away as he is going to sleep! If I am in the house he will sob and wail and basically demand my attention until I sit with him until he is at least very drowsy, if not until he is alseep.

I can cope with all those things its just the skin! AAAARGH!

Daytoday- Ive tried lots of different snuggly things for him, and there have been a few that he has shown some interest in but after a month or so he's not bothered! Bah. Maybe I need to persevere- I am his snuggly thing at the moment

Bean- I hadn't thought that he might grow out of it- maybe I should cling to this idea and hope that it's soon too

It's kind of nice to know other children do this! I thought my DD was probably the only one especially as she's not so tiny anymore. The settling at nighttime sounds hard work, bigboobiecookie. (I like your name! ) I think you're right, we are the snugglies!

The ear scrunching, bean, ouch! Hope your DD grows out of it soon.

Me too! DH jokes that we must look like boxers, with our cauliflower ears

It sounds like he only does it with people he's very close to, i.e. parents and siblings, so on that basis he probably wouldn't be doing it to classmates and teachers? It's a long time till September in little people terms, anyway, so hopefully (for your sake!) he will indeed have grown out of it by then...

My DD3 was exactly like you describe at the same age! I started to put my foot down with the hand-down-top thing at around 5 and the rest wore of gradually after that.

She's now 7.9 and seems to have pretty much got over the koala thing, although she still comes into my bed every.single.night! Even if I get her to fall asleep in her own bed, by morning she's in mine! And she still sleeps with a cuddly toy she strokes.

I console myself with the thought that I can't imagine a 15yo still sleeping with mummy...