How do you know when to take your child out of nursery?

[lifesrichpageant]

Our 3.3 year old DS started nursery in January. He settled well for the first few weeks (typical, I'm told) and when he realised it was a semi-permanent arrangement became very tearful at drop-off time and has been showing signs of anxiety and unhappiness ever since (disrupted sleep, more tantrums, BITING DS2, unheard of until now, lots of crying and general unhappiness....)

The nursery have been very supportive and have invited me to come and 'observe' him, (when I've done so, he's usually on his own, happy-ish, but not overly enthusiastic) and have offered some support strategies for sleep and behaviour.

But my husband and I can't shake the feeling that he just doesn't fit in there. The other boys are bigger and older, the staff are dedicated but clearly overworked (Surestart childrens centre), the facility is big and there are lots of nooks and crannies to get lost in/forgotten about.

He goes for 3 days - one day is 9-12 and the other 2 days are 9.30 - 3.30.

As he is our first child, we are torn between how much of his behaviour is 'typical' for his age, and wanting to give the place a fair shot before taking him out and moving him elsewhere (where he may very well have the same problems), or accepting that our sensitive, (formerly) mellow boy doesn't fit in here and needs a different kind of environment.

Genuinely at a loss for what to do. Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated....

Are there any other nurseries in your area that might suit him better?

I'd go with your gut instincts tbh.

Do you have any unanswered niggles about his development?

I'd take him out if you and he aren't happy. I took my DS2 out of nursery at 3.5, and had him at home with me until he started school, with one morning session at a mother and toddler group every week. Didn't regret it once.

Thanks for the ideas - no unanswered niggles about his development, he's bright and articulate and also bilingual, so haven't had any issues there. He's not very physically confident so doesn't fit in with the 'typical' boy games and not interested in climbing, jumping, etc.

Really not sure what to do as the other nurseries in the area are private and frankly we can't afford them.....

Could you just use them for the funded sessions?

Personally, I would take him out if it's not necessary for him to go.

I agree - if it's not necessary, then I don't think I would stick with it.

Was there anything in particular you were looking for him to gain from his time there, or was it allowing you to get back to work/have a break?

You could try him with a childminder instead?

If it's a 'social' thing it may be worth seeing if you are close to any 100% Montessori Nurseries (lots of nurseries say they are just because they use the tools - but not the teachings....) you should go with your gut instincts with the current nursery - he doesn't sound very settled.

Ask the nursery manager for her view. She should be able to tell you how children like your ds manage and whether he might be happier in a different sort of environment. Not all children fit into all nurseries.

Though he isn't there a lot, which can also string out the settling process.