13 month old and constant weariness..

[ebmummy]

Is this normal?

DS is 13 months old, and seems to whinge and whine all day. He hates nappy changes, won't sit still for longer than a minute in his high chair without pointing to things and whinging till he gets it, screams blue murder in his buggy and generally just seems unhappy with his lot. He naps reasonably well, but is up from 6am till 6.30pm every day like clockwork, and bar the 2 hours in total he naps for during the day (9.30-10am and 1.30-2.30pm), I have to keep him constantly amused. This is becoming increasingly difficult as he won't sit in his buggy for very long so we can't actually go anywhere comfortably. We have play dates with other kids, but he whinges so much I'm forced to come home early cos it annoys the other mums as well as me.

My Mum says I should l leave him to play by himself so he can learn to be play independently but the ONE day I tried it, he fell over and bashed his head on the wood floor so have to watch him like a hawk. Whenever we go out, I often see kids his age sitting beautifully in their buggies, and wonder whether DS will ever stop the whinging and whining for long enough that I can actually enjoy being with him...

Please God, let this be a phase (has been like this for the best part of 7 months though!)..

I have a 13month old too and he has been seriously clingy and whingy, but he has older brothers to 'entertain' him most of the day so he loves to watch them.

When I just had ds1 though he used to watch me most of the day - I was always doing little jobs around the house and trying to get him to sit and watch, or sit with some toys around him while I tried to catch up on stuff. Talking to him lots helped too, so even if I wasn't entertaining him he was watching and listening to me doing the dishes, hanging up washing.... My 13month old loves it when I get the washing out - he rushed over yesterday and 'helped' me hang it all up on the radiators, and he was so proud of himself!

So my point is, just try little bits every now and then all through the day so he gets used to you doing stuff other than entertaining him. My 13month old has got much easier now he's walking but I still spend most of my day carrying him around trying to get stuff done!

Some kids love to sit in buggies, others don't. It's just one of those things. Mine hasn't had much of a choice because I have 2 older kids to run round after so after an initial complaint he then realises I'm just not getting him out! He's always got a toy or 2 and something to watch going on. If all else fails I've always got some raisins in my bag to keep him busy for a few minutes.

Hi OP, my 13 month old DS has similar traits to yours. Thankfully he's mostly happy in his buggy now (but wasn't for many months). When he does start crying to come out, I've got a sling tucked under the buggy that I put him in. Could that be an option for you? DS is 25lbs but my Baby Bjorn Comfort is really good and he doesn't feel too heavy in it. Or you could try one of those back carriers that are for toddlers.
I do need to constantly entertain DS all day, so it really helps being outside. He loves parks and playgrounds, do you have a playground nearby you could just let him potter about in? Mine loves opening and closing the gate!
Other things we do are:
Stay & Play at local Sure Start Centre: 1 hour every day
2x buggy (or sling) outings every day to playground, walk around, swings, etc for at least an hour each time: uses up about 2 hours
In the house: we tend to move from one room to the next exploring things like cupboards, my make up bag, bookshelves, his clothes drawer, etc. Basically he likes pulling things out and putting them back.
He does play with his toys a little bit but mostly likes other stuff.
Oh, and he'll watch CBeebies for a few mins here and there. Especially Big Barn Farm, Baby Jake and Mister Maker. Anything with real people or real animals seems to be a winner!
I don't manage to get much done in the day other than the food shop (DS can go in sling if in a grumpy mood), washing (DS helps load and unload machine), and the odd Hoover (DS will watch me do this or I'll just leave him to whine while I do it, it doesn't take long!)
Anyway enough rambling, hopefully some of that helps slightly?

Sorry just wanted to answer your original question, yes it's completely normal! Some kids just have a less even temperament than others!

Oh god OP, are you me?!

I have a 13 month old DS, and whilst he is actually very good at playgroups and at other people's houses and will go off and play happily, just getting to do day-to-day stuff with him is a nightmare. At home I can't get anything done, if I want to do some washing up or hang washing out, I have to stick him in the high chair and even if given toys to keep him occupied, he will whinge and scream constantly until i've nearly lost the plot! Nappy changes, yes, total nightmare- i've had to close windows before as the screaming sounds like i'm murdering him and i'm worried neighbours will call social services. My DS is also not a fan of the buggy. He's fine if you're moving, but as soon as you stop in a shop to look at something, pay, get on a train, or whatever, the whinging and screaming escalates, which makes me nervous to go shopping (do most online now) or plan a whole day out. I feel very envious of friends with similar aged babies who just go out for a whole day on a whim, I feel like it has to be a planned military operation.

I keep my sanity by planning an activity every day for a morning or afternoon i.e. babygroup, bounce and rhyme, visit to friends where he can crawl around. DS is either really happy, or extremely pissed off, no half-way house and I think this is just his personality. I'm hoping it will get better when he can talk more, and also once he gets walking- I think even since really small he's been frustrated that he can't do stuff!

No real advice but LOTS of sympathy. DD is due in a few weeks time and i'm terrified about how i'll cope with two, hoping she'll be more laid back!

Thanks for the pep talk guys. Was just wondering whether it's worth investing in a new baby carrier? I got the mamas and papas cybex, which was really useful when he was a baby, but not so comfortable now. And a great part of me is resentful that I have to carry him around when he's got a perfectly expensive comfortable buggy that we've spent a fortune on...

Still, at least I'm kind of reassured that it might be a developmental phase and hopefully it will soon pass. Toddler groups make me nervous cos he whinges and whines so much that I feel compelled to leave early cos all the other babies are beautifully behaved!

I'd get a new sling if you can. I find it very reassuring because I know that whenever DS gets upset in the buggy I've got it as a backup. It stops me feeling nervous about taking him out, which I think makes it worth the money. The Baby Bjorn comfort is the only one I've found that works with a heavier baby. I like it more than the Ergo, but it's pretty similar.

Ok, so DS has progressed from just whinging and whining to SHOUTING at the top of his voice :(... He's spent all weekend doing this, and it's really upsetting. I honestly think there may be something wrong. He doesn't cry, just shouts very very loudly. We were out shopping today, and he suddenly started screaming so much that the lady in front asked me whether he was ok. DH ( who normally has the patience of a saint) gave up midday and retreated to the garden for some peace but needless to say I haven't had an easy time of it.

For Christ's sake, surely this can't be normal????!

Hi ebmummy.I have a 14 month dd who sounds the same as yours,apart from she is ok in the buggy as loves going out.
Did you try one of those push along cars or bike?Mine was 5 pounds from a car boot.
The shouting im not sure about.Maybe get him for a check up or speak to your hv.
They do do all sorts of odd things and if it makes you feel any better sometimes i say to dh "she's not right you know" when she's just hurled her cup at the wall from the highchair.
I think its a fairly difficult age and some babies are just harder than others.
I am a mum of 5 and dont remember such behaviour before.
The willfullness and brute strength she shows when i try to change her nappy or clothes cause me to use my whole force to do it. Unbelievable.

ledkr, thanks for the reassurance, but I don't mind admitting he really tries my patience. Today has been one of those days! We had to go and visit some friends, and he was a nightmare from start to finish. I know he's on the cusp of walking and talking, but honestly it was truly awful. I feel terrible complaining cos I know he's just a baby but it's such a tough job being responsible for this little bundle!!

I feel the same.I swing between loving her intensely and her just doing my head in with her constant whingeing.I am back at work 2 days a week and i love getting away tbh,i also do a group on my other days off. Dd is just walking and i have found she loves the garden so hopefully things may improve. It is very hard though.
Things that help me are The push along bike,lots of snacks and a bottle if cant think of anything else,sitting on the floor with her seems to cheer her up,toddler groups,moby wrap. I sometimes even wrap her up like a new born and just sing to her.
I wonder if he would like a buggy driver thing from elc.
He maybe just an old grump so hopefully he will grow out of it.

Just to add, my 13month old has just started having tantrums where he throws himself on the floor. The other day he even threw his head on the floor for added effect when I was trying to ignore him... then howled in pain at bashing his head on the hard lino.

I think I have just read every post on gone - ohh goodness yes to numerous points ! Am delighted to discover it's not just my 15mo dd that is prone to throwing herself on the floor, whinging if I go out to do the washing or the toilet or if like someone says stops to pay.

She is in her defense struggling with 4 big nashers coming through - could your ds be teething too ? I also know my dd was desperately frustrated a few months ago until she could at least walk and it's got a bit easier going out as they can burn off energy far easier in the park etc.

I would highly recommend the smart trike bike - we got dd one at Christmas and it's a massive hit (though does actually mean a tantrum sometimes if she see's it and doesn't go on it!) BUT, she absolutely loves it and goes happily in it.

I find being indoors near hell (v.small house) so we are as other's suggested much happier out and about - don't feel upset or intimidated by other friends that have 'perfectly' behaved toddlers - as someone said to me, goodness I'd actually rather have a spirited and lively (if handful!) of a toddler than a compliant one (not sure I'd agree all the time but hey think of it as all good positive development!)

Interested to know of any tips etc to do when they do throw tantrums at this age - I thought it was 2 !