My 2 yo daughter has gone off her Father is this normal?

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My dd is going through that lovely terrible twos (she is 2 1/2) at the moment she will not leave my side and absolutely will not kiss daddy or even give him a hug she fimrly rejects him and kicks and screams if he trys to give her a hug.

The little girl who we share a nanny with (same age) seems to be going through the same thing with her daddy. is this usual? has anyone else gone through it and what happened? On another note she has become a child from hell being constantly contrary, throwing things, kicking, screaming grunting and that is on a good day!! Then there are times when she is an absolute sweetheart (maybe it is just a dress rehearsal for the teenage years!!) Any advice gratefully received!!

A friend once told me that this happened to her - her daughter preferred Daddy and refused Mummy! One time, her husband had to work away, so daughter HAD to get on with Mummy as there was nobody else. It worked, and their relationship improved. Could you try something like this?

Seconding Sml's suggestion. My 2 y/old dd is like this - although she always has been. She's clingy anyway and this was compounded by dh being unavoidably away a heck of a lot for her first 18 months. There are times she won't let him bath her/feed her/put her to bed - anything! However, if all else in her little life is calm, and I'm feeling butch, I just grit my teeth and leave the house and she almost invariably copes just fine with dh. He tends to spend the time focussing on her 100% so she gets a good deal! I often pay for it later with extra clinging, but I'm hoping it will eventually get us to a more balanced position. She also improved enormously while we were on holiday and she got to see him all day every day for a fortnight. Good luck.

Aren't 2-year-olds something? Dd often demands that Mummy does things and throws a fit if Daddy tries - I think in her case it's something to do with the way Mummy does things, because Daddy does them less often and in a slightly different way (typical 2-year-old obsessive-compulsive behaviour). However, last week when dh was away on business, every time I asked dd to do something she didn't want to, she gave me that look (half closed eyes) and demanded Daddy. She wasn't distraught or missing him terribly, she just knew that he wasn't there and was playing me up. I had a sudden horrible flash of her as a teenager....

My son is now almost 4 and has a fantastic relationship with his Dad. But when he was 2-3 it was a very different story. He would not kiss him or let him put him to bed/give bath etc and my partner felt very dejected and hurt. He used to get very upset wondering my he bothered and saying that our son didn't love him etc and somehow blamed me. He found it very difficult to understand that our son was only a baby and was just asserting his will to see what he could get away with. We both used to find it very waring and would often end up having massive rows about it.

It seemed to be that when I was in the house our son wanted me to do everything - Bed/bath/get him dressed/feed him etc. But as soon as I was out of the house everything was fine. Sometimes, when I was just to tired to put him to bed I would pretend to go out and actually go out the front door so that my partner could but him to bed. Once they were upstairs I would sneak back in and hurry in to the kitchen - ridiculous I know!

I'm not sure what cured it. I tried to make my partner spend more time playing with him - doing puzzles and playing games etc but he found it hard being rejected all the time (being a bit of a baby himself!!). I think things just changed with time. Now he happily goes to Daddy and can think of nothing more exciting than Daddy taking him/picking him up from nursery (as this is a bit of a novelty).

Having said all this, my 4 year old still wants me too put him to bed every night - some habits die hard I suppose. I used to find this quite difficult but now we have come to a fantastic compromise - I put him to bed and my partner makes dinner, every night. Although I do miss the cooking, sometimes, it is lovely to relax once I have put him to bed. I am lucky as my partner is a much better cook than me!!!

I mainly wanted to post this message to say that your children are normal - Don't panic and tell your partners not to panic too. Their children do love them, they just have a funny way of showing it at the moment!

Thanks - Well it is a relief to know that she is normal. I agree that when a partner doesn't spend as much time they seem to know how to play this one up. her tantrums were really getting out of hand too and in desperation I rang my homeopath to see if she could help.

I am pleased to report that my homeopath prescribed tub 30c for dd and since then has been a different child - this is the first time I have tried homepathy on an emotional state as opposed to an illness and I have to say the change was as dramatic as it was fantastic. She has calmed down, will willingly cuddle daddy and these screams and tantrums are at a more 'normal' rahter than fever ptich level!!

Hi

I stumbled across this message by accident, but was greatly heartened as my 2.75 year old regularly refuses to be put to bed by her father. I find this very hard work some days when very tired, but probably not as disheartening as my poor old partner. He'll be cheered greatly by this discussion!

I'm sure the problem is time spent with a particular adult. When my older daughter (now six) was just two I went away on an O.U. study week and left her with her father. This improved her relationship with him immensely, for quite a long time. In fact, I think I should do it regularly, at least once a year - it will do them all, not to mention me (although I did miss her dreadfully) a power of good, reminding us all how the other half lives.

beebs, we have had this problem for a while now, 2 year old dd shouts for mummy and cries all through bath and bed with daddy. But I have put my foot down and we are doing a week with dad doing it, crying or not. Every night, he gets to do bath and bed. It was the third night tonight and she was really really good. We find its best if I don't appear at all until right at the end for a goodnight kiss. We are going to carry on with it for a week and see how it goes, it seems to be working so I'll let you know.

Enid - that sounds like a good idea - ie. the concentrated approach of doing it day after day. We've been trying it one night on and one night off (without much success). Do let us know if it works!
Like the sound of the OU as well, Beebs!

It definitely has worked! She makes a bit of a fuss now when she goes up, but settles in no time - they have really good fun up there now and we seem to have had an improvement in her attitude to him altogether. The first couple of nights were a bit hellish for dp as she really went for it, yelling and calling for me. But we stuck to our guns and i went nowhere near them. Tonight she actually asked for daddy to give her a bath!!

Just to add that I just popped in while they were having a story and dd told me to go away.

Methinks its all been a bit TOO successful...!

Enid - Great! I'll break it to dh gently that next week, she's all his ...
PS. Sorry - can't remember - is she your only one? Cos of course if dh is with my dd, then someone - ie. me - has to be with ds - and then I can't stay out of sight ...

My daughter is exactly the same. She is also the same age( 2 and ahalf). She will NOT sit on daddys knee, nor give him a kiss. BUT if daddy says to Savannah "Ive got a present" and pretends to have something in his hand THEN she will jump on his knee quicker than I can say Savannah. I think it is their way of getting their own way.Our little girls sound so much alike too. Savannah has days (many days to be precise) when she will scream, kick, pinch and throw things all daylong. Then another day she will be totally different. She will be loving, cuddly and constantly say all day "I love you mummy". My nan says the old rhyme to me which I think was made up for my daughter "There was a little girl who had a little curl (she has long wavy hair down her back) right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrible! This sums up Savvy to a tee really. Also I say to my nan that I think she is having her teenage moodswings slightly early and my mum replies that I have it easy at the moment and when she is a teenager I will wish she was a baby again. What else can I say about that???????????