DS is 13 years old and all in all, a very good young man. He?s kind, polite and well liked by his peers and adults alike.
Unfortunately, we?ve got a problem at the moment with him lying and stealing from me (or trying to get away with cheating me out of my money somehow).
The problem with money varies and I?ve simply stopped trusting him. It goes from me going to pay for something and being almost 100% certain that I?ve got less in my purse than I had expected, to him letting his pay-as-you-go mobile top up be charged on to my card and keeping quiet about it (he pays the monthly cost of £10 out of his pocket money). The first time something like this happened was when he used my card details to buy songs or similar on iTunes. They were all small amounts and in addition to a telling off, the amount that he had spent got taken off his pocket money. So far, every time something has happened he?s had to deal with the consequences. Unfortunately, the punishments seem to have little or no impact. The latest one was that I gave him money to buy a new bus pass and he was supposed to give me the £1.50 back. Unsurprisingly, the change ?fell out of his blazer pocket? ? as soon as the lie started, I told him to stop right there and just come clean about it. Of course, it turned out that he had spent it at the nearby shop with his friends.
The other issue, which also relates to money but in a different way, is that he seems incapable of spending his lunch money on lunch! It appears that the boys make daily trips to the local convenience store to stock up on fizzy drinks, sweets and the occasional pasta pot. I initially contacted the school to see if I could pre-pay for the lunches or similar but that?s not an option. Basically, it?s either carrying on with the constant disappointment of finding empty plastic bottles and bags of sweets in his bag and pockets or going back to lunch boxes. We?ve gone back to packed lunches for a couple of weeks (and he?s got to make them himself) but even that is proving hard work ? I leave the house before him and I doubt he?s actually making anything / twice he?s left it in the fridge).
Then there are the lies again when I can clearly see that he?s putting weight on from all the junk and of course, come across all the sweet wrappers, etc. It also goes from him claiming to have brushed his teeth (when he clearly hasn?t) to making up all sorts of stories for whatever reason. What on earth has happened to my son??? I am by no means claiming that he was perfect but when did he suddenly become a compulsive liar?
I hate it and I must say that I hate my son for what he is doing to our relationship and to me. It reminds me of my ex-husband, who is always trying to get away with things and has a habit of treating people like they are stupid (and blind). I have made the ?no-no? mistake of comparing him to his father (who he hardly ever sees) in a desperate attempt to show how people can clearly see through the lie ? although they may sometimes choose to turn a blind eye to it. And last night I did the unthinkable and told him to sort out where he?s going to live / when he?s moving to live with his father.
I know, I am not in control. I won?t even pretend that I feel in control. For starters, I am going through redundancy (voluntary) at the moment, which in itself is very stressful. I am very pleased about it (but that?s another story) but it still means that I have to secure an income to support us both and go through the motions at work. I can deal with all of it but more than ever I need for home to be a positive place. And maybe in a very unrealistic way, this should indeed be the case. I work incredibly hard, I look after my son on my own (and I would move mountains for him) and I ask for very little in return: to be able to enjoy my time with him and enjoy the few hours on the day when I am at home. I?ve moved us to a much nicer town where he can be near his school and his friends, I pay dearly for the house as well as for the location and the things we do. However, I am being denied the little of happiness that I expect to get in return by the fact that every single day my son comes up with yet another drama. It?s EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
There is certainly a strong element of feeling that I do not deserve to be lied to or be treated like an idiot. I give my son £10 a week in pocket money (he needs to complete some chores to earn it), which I believe is pretty generous. And I only mention the amount because there?s peer pressure to do things with his friends at the weekend, etc ? but even then, there is absolutely no justification for him to lie, cheat or steal. I doubt that many of us would even consider robbing the nearest Barclays branch in order to buy a 4x4!
I do not expect perfection but I view his behaviour as totally unacceptable. I don?t expect my son to behave like an adult either but I do expect him to be a team player, to be mindful of the turbulent times as well as the impact that his behaviour has on me. But more importantly, I just don?t know what to do. Almost to the point that I do actually wish that he would go to live with my ex-husband, simply because he?s refusing to change.