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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't usually ask but I could do with some advice on this one

17 replies

bubblerock · 02/02/2006 21:46

I would really appreciate some help with this, I haven't mentioned it before because I kept hoping it was just a phase and didn't want to believe there was a problem, so any advice would be great.

We literally have to tiptoe around DS2(Tom), he's 2.3 yrs old. We have a 7 year old too and he isn't allowed to touch certain items otherwise Tom will go crazy. We can give Tom a cup of juice and he will throw it across the room because he wants a bottle - he can drink perfectly from a cup.
If we move his plate a centimetre away from the edge of the table he will get upset and throw it or refuse to eat it. He can be very nasty towards his brother and we are automatically avoiding situations that may cause Tom to 'kick off'!!

I don't remember having this problem with DS1 and it's really upsetting. He hasn't slept properly since birth. He is very bright and has been able to read numbers 1 - 10 and various letters for ages. His 2 year check with HV was normal even attaining age 4 in visual development. He is loving, enjoys cuddles but has a real problem with anyone touching or moving things.

Something is just not quite right

OP posts:

GeorgieVickyLou · 02/02/2006 21:52

No advice Hun but thought i would give you a bump.

Original poster

bubblerock · 02/02/2006 21:55

Cheers, I was beginning to regret writing it

OP posts:

kid · 02/02/2006 21:57

I think its important not to tiptoe around him to avoid him kicking off. He will have to learn that he doesn't get everything he wants all of the time. Plus he needs to be able to ask or tell you whats wrong rather than having a tantrum. Not an easy task for you with a 2 year old.

Sounds quite like my DS who is 3.10, who will attack his poor sister because she looked at him in the wrong way, or sat on the chair he was going to sit on! I find myself sometimes doing things to stop him getting the hump, other times, when I know he is going to go into one, I try and protect his big sister. He is growing out it though (slowly)

starlover · 02/02/2006 21:57

what happens if for example he refuses to eat his dinner because the plate isn't right?

is it possible he does it to get a reaction from you?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/02/2006 21:57

No idea, but bump for you.

collision · 02/02/2006 22:02

sounds normal to me.

Try a behaviour chart and dont creep round him as he is a part of the family and doesnt rule it. My ds used to be the same but we give him a warning about freaking out and he usually calms down.

Aero · 02/02/2006 22:03

Ds2 is a bit like this too, but agree with kid, in that we try to teach him that he's not the most important person in the family just because he 'creates' the most. He has just turned two and we found ourselves pussyfooting around him, but decided enough was enough and we'll just have to listen to him 'kick off'. Difficult when all you want is peace, but I truly believe he will learn that he just has to fit in with the rest of us. Part of me thinks he's asserting his place in the family as he is the youngest and is making sure he gets more than his share of attention!

FrannyandZooey · 02/02/2006 22:04

Before I saw about the sleep thing I was thinking "this sounds a bit like ds when he is very very tired." Perhaps a concerted effort to sort out his sleep (I am sure you have already tried, but you know what I mean) is in order? Then you could rule that out as a cause.

Hope someone knowledgeable comes along to help.

notasheep · 02/02/2006 22:05

ds 16months has started this big time,but I am positive it is attention seeking.
I ignore it and TRY to get on with whatever(easier said than done i know)
Can you talk to him about how he feels?

Blu · 02/02/2006 22:10

Is it always the exact same triggers? Does he have to have his plate in a certain position? Can his brother touch some things but not others?
Have a word with the HV who did the 2 year check and see what they think?

Original poster

bubblerock · 02/02/2006 22:14

I think it probably seems more extreme because it's silly things that upset him. He is really good when I say no to him, he doesn't have tantrums like DS1 used to in supermarkets for example if I won't let him have something so why does he sob his heart out if his plate is moved?

I don't tend to react to these outbursts because they are so bizarre and I am totally confused by them. I do intervene if it is affecting DS1 but I don't really make a big fuss just separate them really.

It's really hard to explain it.

OP posts:

Original poster

bubblerock · 02/02/2006 22:22

Thanks for all your posts by the way - it's nice (in a strange way) to see others going through similar problems!

DS1 is learning what things he can and can't touch when Tom is around and we seem to just be adapting ourselves around these strange ways of his - we all know now not to touch any of his things at meal times.

I thought about speaking to the HV but actually felt I'd get a better idea on here from you guys

OP posts:

Dottydot · 02/02/2006 22:27

ds1 was like this when he was 2/3 years old - would have a hissy fit - screaming, crying etc. if we got the lid on his cup the wrong way around - lots of other examples but sometimes we couldn't get through an hour without another major upset - drove me bonkers..! It co-incided with us moving house and ds2 coming along, so lots of things were happening in his life and I think he tried to 'control' as many things as he could, in his own impossible toddler way!

On the upside, he's turning into a wonderful, thoughtful 4 year old. Still quite serious and can get stroppy, but not anywhere near as much!!

Original poster

bubblerock · 02/02/2006 23:32

Thanks Dotty, that's interesting about him trying to control things, it is exactly like that! Fingers crossed he'll get over it then, I'm really not an over protective parent and I'm not usually concerned by the way they both behave, for some reason though this was really bothering me.

OP posts:

bobbybobbobbingalong · 03/02/2006 03:44

Ds can be a fussy thing, wanting things just so. We always said "use your words" for any emotional outburst - he learnt to talk really quickly as just continuing to be emotional saw him removed to his cot for 5 minutes.

He's still fussy, but will now say "I would like the red plate please - is it too late".

mszebra · 03/02/2006 20:30

This is why there was a thread the other day about your kids running you ragged or pandering to them or something like that.
DD has a specific chair that she likes to sit on... in fact, the chair has to be at a specific place at the table. If she can't sit there she flips out. She's been like this for 2 years (she's now 4). DS is now 6yo & rapidly discovering the joys of winding her up with so very little effort....

ProfessorG · 04/02/2006 18:38

We found ourselves tiptoeing (sp?) a bit with DS2 for ages - 2.6 to 4.2 at a guess. We also did a lot of bedrooming which resulted in a lot of screaming.

It passed in the end. A star chart helped a lot. He now knows and accepts his boundaries a lot more readily. But it wasn't much fun! I got adept at "heading things off at the pass" but of course some things are not negotiable eg collecting elder sibling from school on time. Cue more screaming, however much warning I gave him and how ever many diversions I tried.

DS2 was very well behaved at nursery (3 days pw) and they had no concerns at all (nor did HV) which was some comfort. It now seems a distant memory and I tell him off quite firmly if necessary - no more tiptoeing.

Hang on in there!

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