26-month copying naughty best friend

[JoInScotland]

My 26-month old son is usually a really well behaved, polite, thoughtful child. He is a happy, laid-back soul and we have a sticker chart for rewards. There are 10 things he can do every day, plus a bonus space, plus a space for sleeping/being quiet until 6am. If he earns 10 stickers a day, we go to the ball pool on Mondays. He has had one tantrum in his whole life, about 2 weeks ago, when he was tired, low fever and well, he has 4 molars coming in.

His best friend is a red-headed girl 5 months younger than him. She is very willful and enjoys winding people up, not because of her hair colour, but because she sees her Dad winding her Mum up, daily. Today I was talking to her Mum, and the Mum actually started crying about it, it's just constant and I would classify it as Emotional Abuse. I said, let's take the kids to the beach for a while. We did, and the wee girl started walking all over the beach blanket and tracking sand on it. I asked her to stop. My son then copied her. I explained we wanted a sand-free area to sit down on, and he went off with bucket and spade to play some more. The wee girl then ran over and stomped around on the blanket, laughing and looking for a reaction. Then my son copied. He got into trouble, and she ran over onto the blanket again. He knew better than to copy the next time.

How do I get him to stop copying naughty behaviour? He's fine until some other child tries something naughty and then he copies. I asked him tonight before dinner if he would rather not play with R for a while OR play with R but not copy when she's naughty. He said, "Play with R but not be naughty". Is he old enough to understand what he's said or is he just trying to please me by saying the "right" thing? (Yes, he is very clever, but all Mums say that about their children surely)

He is a 2 year old! Two year olds have tantrums -on the whole. They learn to manage their feeling through them. I think that you are being a little controlling with sticker charts and expecting such good behaviour all the time. DCs like a 'naughty' friend-the reason the love 'My Naughty Little Sister' and 'Horrid Henry' books.
You need to channel them both into positive play-not stop the friendship.

They're both too little to be 'naughty'

You're going to have a really hard time if you think that's 'naughty'. Far too young for detailed reward charts (and if he's so happy and 'laid back', why do you need them?). Maybe lighten up a bit. And the reference to the little girl's hair colour is totally unecessary, even though you didn't directly blame her behaviour on it.

My child didn't much have tantrums when he was 26 months. They came a little later.

What's with all the stickers? 10 things to earn an outing - what happens if he cant do 10 things, do you have to engineer them?

Ds is 2.5. He is sometimes swept up and copies other kids when he shouldn't - but he doesn't know that some things are naughty until he tries and we tell him otherwise.

You will soon fall flat on your face if you think that your ds is some sort of golden child being badly influenced by the "other kids".

Mine has tantrums at 15 months. Stick with your reward charts bless. If I do 10 things today I'm having me a chocolate egg
But unlikely he knows what you've agreed to - he is parroting what you've said.
Cute though.
Just out of interest why the mention of red hair at all? or am i meant to be envisaging Pippi Longstocking?
I would have bribed her btw along the lines of Sweetie i know you are now a big clever girl - we don't want sand in our bits and bums do we? - Laugh - If you promise to stay of the towel I will get you an ice cream in a wee while for being so clever....
But I'm a charmer/feeder, me!

Off the towel ffs!

Why even mention the red hair - I'm confused!

Your poor child probably wanted some time to just let off steam instead of sticking stickers on a chart - he's two, just relax a little.

And you can't have a 'sand-free area' on the beach.

I need to go and calm down. You'd really hate my 2 yo DD, OP!

I would get rid of the stickers. I doubt whether he really understands them and he shouldn't need them for normal life.
To my mind they are just something that can work for one specific area that you are having trouble with.

With the sand there was no need to get cross-just lead them off the blanket and start them with an activity that looks really exciting.

I suggest that you go to the library and get a book about child development because you have unrealistic expectations and are stifling normal development to have an acquiescent DC.

The little girl's behaviour was normal really. It would have annoyed me though, and I would have told her to get off the blanket, in very simple language though, she's very young.

I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting obedience, but some dcs are going to give you a much harder time than others!

A first and only is often easy-you then get a second who gives you a much harder time!!

I only mentioned the hair colour of his friend because her Mum explains her behaviour because she is a red head. I don't think it has any bearing on anything.

My son loves helping and tidying. The stickers are a reward, and he gets to choose which ones we buy, he chooses which ones to put on the chart for "trying his breakfast" and so on. The areas are all things he does anyway, it's a way to reward him for the fact, as well as praise.

I have 17 nieces and nephews, which I helped look after and used to be a nanny for triplets.

Next time I'll post in AIBU.

they are 2 yrs old, tell them not to do something and then distract them is your best bet, and expecting not to get sand on a towel at the beach is asking for the impossible anway!

sounds like you r friend could do with some real support if her dh is such an arsehole tbh.

my ds1 was like your ds btw, very easy going, didnt tantrum etc, we didnt have a sticker chart he was just an easy toddler, i remember my nan saying to me how i was lucky he was such a bidable child, i didnt realise what she meant and then i had ds2!

You need to seriously chill; the behaviour you describe is perfectly normal from such young children. But regarding the reward chart? 10 things to do every day, plus a bonus space, plus a place for sleeping!! And he must fill these every day to get a reward once a week? He's two! You mentioned emotional abuse in your op. You know what? Your own treatment of your DS is bordering on that

In AIBU?! Are you sure?

We praise ds where necessary but he doesn't need stickers for everything. If these are things he does anyway, why go down that road?

Agree that you sound really controlling - surely 2 year olds should just be bashing about having fun, not earning things. Also earning a weekly reward is not appropriate for a 2 year old - if you are going to reward good behaviour at all it has to be immediate. I really feel you are piling unnecessary and misjudged pressure on a child too young to understand.
As for the remark 'not due to her hair colour', that made me laugh as well as feel a bit angry, it is such a ridiculous statement.
I'm sure you are a very caring mother, but I do think you need to evaluate your parenting style as it sounds like your everyday life is determined by a strict discipline policy.

2 yr olds have the same emotions that we have, anger, frustration, sadness etc. They have to learn to handle them and suppressing them to be 'good' and not 'naughty' isn't the answer.
It must be that he has stickers for perfectly normal parts of the day like getting dressed. You do not need them. It is time to re-evaluate.

Agree exotic

"her Mum explains her behaviour because she is a red head"

watch the body language next time she says something like this. Chances are that she is making a little joke because the alternative is to give you a piece of her mind. It sound as though her self-esteem has had a battering. The last thing she needs is a friend who conveys disapproval of her daughter's normal behaviour.

I feel a bit sorry for your son - only 26 months and his whole life is so controlled and contained! I'd relax a bit and let him enjoy being a toddler.

and what lingle says as well! i really think she is trying to make a lighthearted joke out of it as she is horribly worn down and probably at the end of her tether :(

They are badies for gawd's sake. The "naughty child" isn't even two years old.
Children of this age are not able to play together, yet alone cooperative enough to be naughty together. Neither your son nor this little girl have the brains yet to be naughty in the way you described.

Honestly I think you would benefit to learn from some basic child development. Poor R to be labelled a naughty child at 21 months and her naughtiness is blamed on having red hair.

"y behaviour? He's fine until some other child tries something naughty and then he copies. I asked him tonight before dinner if he would rather not play with R for a while OR play with R but not copy when she's naughty. He said, "Play with R but not be naughty"."

That is just echolic speech that many small children do this. Its normal speech development at this age and not a sign of autism. Lots of children do this when they don't understand what is said. He hasn't a clue what you have a said, but knows that language is a two way process. He has just repeated back your last sentence.

"They are badies for gawd's sake."

lol I meant babies not badies.