Hit DD on the wrist - What should I have done?

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My dd1 (2.6) ran out of playgroup today towards a very busy main road leaving me with dd2 (4month) in baby bjorn lugging bag, toy pram and baby doll running after her. Despite yelling and threatening all sort of things (cancelled playdates etc) she didn't stop. When I caught up with her 10cm before the main road she laughed. I hit her on the wrist, which is the first time I have hit her and am feeling pretty guilty about it - not least because my dd1 was VERY upset at the time and have just put her to bed and we had the days recap and she said mummy very naughty, mummy hit me. Any advice on how I could have handled this without hitting her appreciated!

Hi. Not sure how I'd have reacted in the same situation, possibly as you did. You're certainly not the only mum to react like this. My 3year old dd has no sense of danger so she's always in reins when we're out!

Perhaps you could threaten to put your dd in reins if this happens again? Have a set in your bag so threat can be carried out if necessary?

Someone else might well have a better plan :)

I would have done exactly the same thing and have done several times with DS. Hate doing it, but some times it's the only thing that shocks them into listening to you and remembering what prompted the smack.

She was hurtling towards danger and you reacted instinctively, through love, so don't beat yourself up about it.

But also don't let her think you feel bad about it. Stand by what you did, remind her you were frightened by her running away and smacked her because it was such a naughty thing to do.

Thank you both! Having quite a few "I am sure I could have done something differently" moments as chaos descends..... Although last week was a bit more simple - I could have turned the tap off in the bathroom and then the bathroom wouldn't have flooded

Hi there!
Completely understand why you did that, I guess the important thing is to avoid her running out like that again- too stressful! It's hard at that age as they don't understand so well.

I think you have to give her really clear boundaries. Explain, very briefly why she must stop when you say stop (danger of death ), then say if she doesn't stop next time she will -be on reigns/or have to hold your hand/the buggy all the time/hold the strap on your buggy etc etc. You have to be able to trust her to stop, and if you can't then don't risk it- well that's the way I played it. Do you do practise stopping when you say stop?- do a bit of this to build confidence.

If she was older I would say revisit the incident and tell her that you were wrong to hit her but it was because it was so dangerous etc etc- I think she is too young though to gain from this so I would put it down to experience and decide not to do it again. TBH I have not hit my children like this but I have shouted/been extremely cross and this has really upset them. Also with a 5 year old you can send them to their room when they get home, but at 2/3 it's completely lost- I would probably have grabbed her/held her- with baby too (!) whilst being very cross- she is supposed to be upset I guess as needs to learn not to do that behaviour!

When DS was nearly 3 and DD a baby DS ran across a side road (luckily very quiet) when coming home from pre-school with his friends. They used to run together and knew (ho ho!) to stop before the roads- they were only allowed to do this on the quiet roads. After he did this he got banned from running for a couple of weeks, then we practised and then I let him again. Now age 5 I still yell "stop at the road!!!"- I think their road sense takes a while to develop and they can get distracted by friends/imaginary worlds (in case of my son). I would err on side of caution myself, but we are all different.

I totally understand your reaction but the fact she's said "mummy very naughty, mummy hit me" shows she hasn't made a connection between her action and your reaction and won't have learnt anything.

DS2 was like this for a few months but now is much better. We had frequent and very frank/graphic chats about what would happen to him if a car touched him if it was moving and practised him walking ahead and stopping when I asked him to.

Might be worth asking playgroup leaders to review security. It should not be so easy for a toddler to escape!

I played a game with my ds when he was younger of shouting "Stop!" and "Go!" in a safe area so that he learnt to stop when I said stop. I don't know if this would work for other children, but he found it quite fun and it helped him to stop on command when we were walking along the road. Sounds as though I am talking about training a dog. haha

Any way, the important thing is that no harm was done that day and I think most people would have done the same. I agree with others about using reins if you can't trust her not to run in the road. Better safe than sorry. I used reins for a while. I think that it's ok to use reins.