Controlled Crying. Anybody had a bad experience?

[hopingtowantasecond]

Does Controlled Crying really change a non sleeping baby to a sleeping through the night for 11 hours every night baby? And does it only take three nights of distress as promised in many sleep books?

I really would like to hear people's wonderful success stories or negative tales, if there are any?

We did it at 18 months with DS1

please note it is not cry it out where you let the child sob self to sleep, too cruel

you go in, shush, pat, comfort, retreat, all v gentle

3 nights, job done (DH had to do it because I couldn't, but our nights were DREADFUL)

You need to pick a Fri night, to do over the weekend because you may well be KNACKERED (assuming work pattern of Mon-Fri)

You will find it a very mixed bag on here ime!!!

It depends on what your interpretation of cc is?

Mine was to have a bedtime routine, put dd who was about 4 mo old to bed with a full tummy, all cosy, lots of cuddles, soothing music and would leave her to settle herself to sleep.

If she cried I would leave for 5-10min intervals and go to check she was o.kay, reassure her and myself and then leave again.

I only had to do this a few times although admittedly it did take more than 3 nights before I confidently put her down and she would self soothe and fall asleep with no moaning!

However I stand by it as an effective way of teaching my dd good sleep habits as she to this day sleeps solidly 12 hours a night - she is now 6yo.

I was at my wits end with my 7month old and it worked in about 10days. We did slip back into bad habits a few months later but it was quick and easy to get back to proper nights sleeping through again.

Worked a treat for us too, methods pretty much as described above. We had got into a situation where DS1 would only go to sleep in my arms, and that was a path we really didn't want to go down. It honestly didn't take long, once he knew we meant business.

We set of to do CC but at to let DS CIO as he was getting increasingly upset everytime we went in. Clearly it felt harsh at the time but within 5 nights, it worked and now DS is a great sleeper. Only do it if you are 100% sure you want to. Consistency is key.
Some people feel very strongly about CC, as in it is cruel and damaging for your LO etc... and might suggest other ways of getting your child to be a better sleeper.
Whatever you choose, best of luck!

I have read on here that it isn't recommended under 1 year old. I don't have a source but you might want to check this.

'The No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley is a helpful book if you would like to try something gentler. It addresses the reasons why babies don't self settle and suggests ways of addressing these without crying.

Thanks. 15month old ds. And I've had very little sleep during those 15months. He doesn't sleep too badly because I do whatever it takes to sooth him to sleep without any crying. However, I was hoping he'd just start sleeping but hasn't yet and dh wants to try CC. Wants to start tonight! I might have to leave the house, I know I'll struggle to hear him cry but would like to change the situation so that we can all have some sleep at night!

Any other stories?

Have you seen this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps on the sleep forum? I've been doing this technique with DS (10mo, previously we co-slept) and I'm finding it works for us (some nights are better than others but I'm definitely seeing progress - we've been doing it for about a week).

Sorry forgot to make link clickable: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Why would you go along with DH's wishes if you are clearly not comfortable with it? If you are not going to be there when your DC crying he would feel you abandoned him through no fault of his own. If you go for it you have to do it with conviction and take an active part. We muddled through it, couldn't do the gradual increases. I reached the limit when DS was 13 months old and we had never ending colds in turns so one night I just said meaning every word: "Sweetheart, mommy can't do it any more. We need to sleep". I would love to say it changed his mind overnight but it just changed the whole dynamic. I ended up sleeping in his room for a couple of weeks saying "It's nighttime. Go back to sleep". I shushed him and tried my best to stay calm. He gradually got used to it and would just peep above the railing and disappear again. I would even take him in the bed (it's a big room) when he slept through the night but woke up at some ungodly hour (5am). There was some crying but I was there in it with him. I am not saying it's ideal but it is what I felt comfortable with. Next time I might try the French method from Pamela Druckerman book. Good luck anyway!

did it with dc1 at 9 months and it worked OK.

tried it with dc2 and it failed miserably and I still regret it years later (no exaggeration)

Children will sleep through when they're ready, not when we parents want them to.

I'd second the 'no cry sleep solution' book mentioned above.

Hi HTWAS, I feel your pain/stress/going slowly mad with lack of sleepiness! My dd is 3 in aug and has only just started to sleep through. I tried the cc and agree you must be present as you need to go in a sooth/talk, starting of with short intervals and gradually spacing it out. It wasn't the magic cure I was looking for: she just always woke up 4 or 5 times a night. What I found really useful was a sleeping thread on mn, everyday chatting with other sleep deprived parents helped me feel I wasn't alone and I wasn't a rubbish mum who'd over indulged dd. lots of really good tips were shared and the support stopped me going mad.
What has made the difference with my dd is something you will not read in any book and I wouldn't necessarily recommend but it worked: as expecting dc 2 now, needed to sleep desperately in early weeks and couldn't cope with the nightly disturbances. So moved dd's cot in with me and thought I would deal with her sleep again after i felt better. Turns out it broke a pattern and she's back in her room, sleeping all night!!! I am so so happy and relieved .
Go for it with the cc but read up on techniques and be totally consistent, we did it over a holiday so we could rest in day. Good luck and keep us posted about how it goes.

Thanks. I am not at all convinced that CC will work, which is why I have put it off and off and off. But there is a part of me that wants a solution to a seemingly endless problem. (Obviously I realise at some point DS will sleep) but will I make it to that point without going insane or getting really frustrated with him which makes me totally miserable. We did start CC last night and I was present all the time (although I found it devastating - I cried for far longer than DS) and the reason I will be present is I know DS cries is for me not DH. DH going in there will be ineffective as DS will be too upset as you say (soundevenfruity) wondering and hoping mummy is on her way.
I feel DH will always, maybe not consciously, but unconsciously blame me for DS sleeplessness if we didn't try CC so he can see for himself that this is not the magic answer (but if it works - great). I quite literally hate this and am dreading the next six nights and hope if this doesn't work that I haven't caused long term damage to my DS, as this is not his fault - it's mine - or at best just how some children are!

DS cried for 34 mins total, and I went in to sooth three times during this period. He slept til 4.45am and then cried alot on and off (with me going in to sooth and reassure at various points). At 6.15 as he was still upset and not looking like he'd sleep I opened the curtains and started the day. I hope I did this correctly? Any tips, pointers welcome.

Blooocowwonders - what happened with DC2? My greatest fear is that this will have a negative impact on my DS.

i did it with dd when she was 7 months, have to say i'm glad i did

i would say, if you do decide to do it stick with it

If you went in only 3 times during 34 minutes does it mean you were allowing him to cry for 10 minutes on the first night? I thought CC is about gradually increasing intervals starting very low. From what I read the idea is that the baby gets what they want but have to work harder for it so eventually it's not worth it.
As you are saying that DH subconsciously blames you I understand you haven't discussed the issue. I would talk about it as you might have misinterpreted what DH is thinking. When you are sleep deprived it happens and if you find the whole process so hard it would only breed resentment towards DH.

To be clear - soundevenfruity - I left DS for two minutes, then 5, then 10, then intended a further 10 but left him longer as he was calming down considerably and it makes him worse if I go in. I am doing what I consider to be the least distressing behavioural approach possible. I can assure you I have my DS's wellbeing in my mind all of the time. And we have talked to death about CC and I have constantly argued against it and DH had accepted my view up til now. I have even told DH he blames me for DS sleep problems but obviously as a supportive husband he doesn't want to say yes! And I spent the entire day feeling horrid and overcompensating to ensure DS was perfectly happy and content.

Night two, 29 minutes before asleep (with me checking and reassuring same as above). I feel awful but realise I have to stick with it for the given time to give it a chance and so as not to make matters worse.

Words of encouragement would be helpful right now (thanks cruithne - good to hear it worked for you) and your little one is OK.

Sorry, if my post was unhelpful. Good luck!

Didn't work for us. Three weeks of CC and my ds was still screaming for 3 hours a night. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived so I was a complete idiot for continuing when it obviously wasn't going to work. I think he found teething very painful as the only way I could get him to sleep was by dosing him up with neurofen. Once the teeth had come through, he slept absolutely fine.

It didn't work for us and actually undid the previous good work we had acheived with sleep training. It took about a week until DD would trust us to leave her in her bed by herself again.

However I think DD wasn't a good candidate for CC, she already was able to self settle and it was early waking we were trying to correct. I think we were trying to force her to fit a sleep pattern she wasn't old enough for which is why it failed.

I do know other people for whom CC has been very successful so like everything I think it depends on the baby.

Most people I know have done some form of CC and none of the children seemed to be affected in any way shape of form. And yes, I know, anecdotes are not evidence and so on... but still.
Half an hour of crying is painful but in our case it was totally worth to on the end. LO was a happier baby for having better nights.
Give it a go for another few nights and if really it is not working for you or your LO, then try something else or trying again later.

(by the way, this was trying to be encouraging)

controlled crying worked like a dream on dd1
she has slept 11 hrs a night since we did it

dd2 is altogether more wild challenging, and doesn't always sleep through at 16mo, but with cc went from a baby who was awake and crying every 30-90mins, to one who wakes a couple of times a night on average, and settles much quicker. It was worth a few nights' crying in both cases.

Gita, never did any sleep training aside from gentle night weaning. At 15 months DD was still waking several times a night, and now at 17 months she miraculously sleeps until 4 or 5, quick feed, and back asleep again. It's almost like a bloody miracle that she sleeps do long and I know she only waked st that time for milk, hoping the time change will sort out that link!

Anyways, that's the flip side, that they all sleep, eventually!

Hiya, not gita... I should never post when I'm tired!

Thanks. I feel encouraged! I have to commit to the 7 days I konw this and some encouragement and optimism helps me manage the distress, so thank you.
Soundevenfruity - thanks for trying to help. I guess I just want to hear that I am doing everything as well as I possibly can and that I'm not hurting my DS.
DS slept through til 5.15. He is an early waker and I too don't thihnk CC will change this (gamerwidow), so I was up with him at 6am. I need to think about how to manage the early waking (or go with it!) - What did you do gamerwidow?