Too scared to put this in chat/AIBU and it's partly a behavioural question too. Posted about it a while back but it's still ongoing so I'd like some advice.
DD has a friend the same age as her (both just turned 2yo), and until recently they'd see eachother once or twice a week. DD can be a bit bossy with this girl; taking her by the hand, 'hurrying' her along sometimes, maybe being a bit overenthusiastic in trying to play with her. DD is the only child this other girl really sees on a regular basis, and until recently she didn't really socialise much at all (SAHD wouldn't take her out to things, but now her mum is on maternity leave they get out more). I always just thToo scared to put this in chat/AIBU and it's partly a behavioural question too. Posted about it a while back but it's still ongoing so I'd like some advice.
DD has a friend the same age as her (both just turned 2yo), and until recently they'd see eachother once or twice a week. DD can be a bit bossy with this girl; taking her by the hand, 'hurrying' her along sometimes, maybe being a bit overenthusiastic in trying to play with her. DD is the only child this other girl really sees on a regular basis, and until recently she didn't really socialise much at all (SAHD wouldn't take her out to things, but now her mum is on maternity leave they get out more). I always just thought that DD can be a bit overbearing, other girl is a bit sensitive, but they're both just toddlers and they're learning how to play together I'd always tell DD to play nicely or behave if I thought she was getting a bit pushy.
It came to a head on DD's 2nd birthday when the other girl burst into tears at one point. They were playing with a doctor's set and DD had a pair of tweezers in her hand. They were nowhere near the other girl, but she got very upset and took a long time to calm down. She also got upset twice more on the same occasion, and seemed a bit wary.
Next time we saw eachother her mum mentioned that her DD had said "[my DD's name] push" a few times, including previously to the time she'd gotten so upset. I said that I tell DD off as and when but it doesn't really sink in cos she's so little. Friend just looked at me in a way that said she didn't agree, and I got the impression she doesn't think I'm doing enough to 'correct' DD's behaviour. She had asked me before if my DD had been pushed around by other kids, and that's where she'd picked it up. I said no (because she hasn't, no more than the usual slightly-boisterous playing sometimes that kids are prone to). I didn't say anything but I don't think toddlers necessarily 'pick up' behaviour, they just do what they do and learn along the way.
I left feeling that DD's behaviour and my parenting had been judged and I had a little cry, and I didn't hear from her for a while. She's only been in touch once, to say that they wouldn't be at an event as her DD was ill. I understand that maybe her DD doesn't want to play with my DD if she's a bit wary, and that my friend doesn't want to put her DD in a situation that might upset her, but I feel it's more than that, like she's freezing me out.
Good grief, this is getting long.
Anyway, if you've made it this far: I don't know what to do. I think that friend is being a teeny bit precious, and I think it's unfair of her to label my DD as 'naughty'. All toddlers go through phases; some even hit, push and bite other children, and D has never done any of that. You tell them off firmly, remove them and distract if necessary, and that's all you can do, right? Am I wrong? Punishment just doesn't seem appropriate at their age. I don't want to lose a friend (the only close friend I have locally) but I feel uncomfortable at the idea of her being judgmental about DD when actually she's just being a normal toddler imo.
Do I reach out to her, ask if everything's ok between us? Tell her how I feel that she's wrong about DD? Also, I wonder if her DD actually needs to socialise more to get used to other children who aren't always as shy and retiring as she is, so cutting out the only regular 'friendship' she has might even be detrimental. Should I say that to my friend?
Also, just so as not to be accused of drip-feeding if it comes up later, friend has a 2mo baby and I'm 11w pregnant. So she's tired and I'm hormonal, and she might also be sensitive about going back to work in a few months and leaving DD again after spending her maternity leave with her, which I know she's really enjoying, so she could be extra-protective of DD for that reason.
Gah. Anyone still with me? WWYD?