Losing it with my 14 year old son

[Claire111]

Any advice on how to get back on track after losing it with my 14 year old son this morning? Normally I manage to maintain my authority and dignity in the face of the usual mardy behaviour of a teenager who thinks he knows everything and that his parents are utter halfwits. But after a particularly upsetting exchange this morning where I was really truly hurt and horrified by the offences aimed at me, I broke down in tears and resorted to swearing at him. Not my style, and no doubt will be used against me in future.
I really do love my son dearly and am fiercely proud of him, but am finding it increasingly hard to demonstrate that in the face of prolonged and sustained indifference and often, open hostility - particularly when I assert my authority as his mother.
I know I need to be the adult here and take control of the situation, because in the end, he is the child and I am the grown up. But how do I make him understand how badly he has behaved and how much he has hurt me, so he learns the lesson? We've grounded him for two weeks (hard to ground someone who's 6ft 2). Do we just leave it at that and carry on as normal? Can I expect an apology?
Just want my loving boy back again. Last seen approximately 12 months ago.

Claire.

Now that the heat of the situation has calmed down can you sit down with him and calmly but firmly spell out why you were upset with what he said (and that that caused you to react as you did) and that it is not acceptable for him to speak to you like that, and most importantly WHAT it was that he said / did that was unacceptable. Be detailed about what is not ok but avoid repeated 'blame' - just state the facts. Tell him that you will listen to his side of the story if he can speak to you in an ok way but ONLY if he will speak in an OK kind of way. Tell him that you would like to find a way that both of you can sort out disagreements without it ending up how it did and listen to his suggestions; if they are reasonable ones perhaps they can be used. But stick to your guns on the sanctions imposed - I cannot emphasise this enough. Remind him that you love him but not the behaviour.

Don't demand an apology as that sets the situation up for more confrontation, but you can always say that an apology would help towards 'mending' the situation. He may also hope for an apology from you too if you were a bit out of order.

Good luck!

Well, you never know, he might have been stewing on this all day and be feeling bad that he pushed you that far. Sometimes, used sparingly, tears and swearing can work to good effect.
See how he is when he gets home from school. Keep your distance and be calmly polite, putting the ball in his court. And then pick your moment - maybe today, maybe in a few days' time - to have a chat about what happened here.

Thanks Selks and Clam. It's good to have some calm, supportive advice. Really appreciate it.

No worries. I'm sure so many of us have been just where you are now.... I certainly have!