House rules for teenagers

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Does anyone have any experience or advice about setting house rules for a 17 yo very head strong dd? In particular, what rules did you apply? What sanctions did you use to enforce them? Obviously, I'll dicuss them with her but I need a foundation to work from.

Not much help really, I started when mine were small so when they got to teenager size and 6" taller than me, the rules were just how things had always been.
What rules? You will have to work out what the clashes are in your house and make rules to fit them.
Most of these rules are for everyone in our house, adults included.

If what you want to do impacts on others, ask first and negotiate.
All personal crap has to be in your room by the end of the day, not spread out everywhere in communal spaces.
If you eat the last of something, put it on the shopping list.
Knock on bedroom doors and wait before going in.
If you want your music loud, wear headphones.
Bed by 11 on a college night.
Laundry in the laundry basket or it doesn't get washed.
Dirty dishes in the kitchen.
If you are out, take your mobile and let me know where you are going and if and when you are coming back that night.

We split jobs too.

Sanctions rarely get used, but I used to fine their pocket money, cancel lifts, turn off the internet, cook vegetarian for a week...the sanction has to be something that the individual cares about enough for it to be a consequence they want to avoid.
So you have to know what matters to your daughter on a sliding scale and use that.

Thanks, I've always had rules too. Problem is dd doesn't think she should keep them now.

We haven't really got any 'rules' or sanctions for our dds, 15 and 17 - just basic common sense and courtesy really.

If they are going out, they have to keep phones on and be contact-able and text/phone when they are on the train to come home (They don't go out in the evenings other than to specific things like gigs/parties at weekends).

In bedroom by ten-ish in the week unless watching something specific with their dad (I don't watch television much). They stay up as late as they want at the weekend but not later than their dad (who tends to stay up later than I do!).

Wash up after dinner and expect to be moaned at if bedroom isn't tidy.

That's about it, I think.

Ha! Cook vegetarian for a week - dustin that's the best punishment I've ever heard!!

Be civil.
Wash.
Apart from breakfast, we eat all other meals together when we're here.
Help a bit every day.

My rules are pretty much the same as TSC's, other than I let her keep her room as she likes as long as she guts it once a week, and does her standard chores which are not negotiable. There is always the threat of her allowance being stopped or my taking her phone off her (I have only done this once, confiscated the phone for the weekend, and that was years ago).

She needs to let me know if she is going to be late, she is very good at texting that she is leaving x at y time.

I have been very lucky though that she is a good natured kid and doesn't give me any grief. But those sanctions are there, even if relaxedly imposed.

Thanks everyone. GOML what are your dd's standard chores please?

Clean the bathroom every day.
Every other day either polish and tidy the sitting room or hoover and mop downstairs.
Cook dinner once a week.

Estimate it takes her about 30 mins a day, more on the cooking day.

Seems like I'm not being ott and asking too much of her.

We have a washing up rota, me and whichever children are home (DD is at uni)
We hoover twice a week, so take turns. Clean the bath/shower when you've used it.
DS unpacks and stores all the shopping. All laundry and ironing is OH.
DD does basic sewing repairs, buttons and the like. When she was 17, she cooked a couple of times a week for all. DS and I split the garden jobs.
Ummm...

Thank you everyone, this has been a great help. :)

My eldest is 15, and I'd agree with everyone else.
It's basically about understanding we all live as part of a family - so things like contributing when things need to be done (eg everyone here cooks one of the meals during week nights, then there's other stuff like laying table / making everyone a drink / unloading or loading dishwasher / clearing up after self that are expected). Music to be at a level that doesn't disturb others. Letting us know where he is / if he isn't coming in until late.
Things he learned over the years - like, if he wants someone to do something for him (whether it's pay for a holiday or just give a lift round to his friends) then there are ways to ask, and ways not to ask. That's about life generally though... treating people the way you'd like to be treated yourself, regardless of who they are.
I find 'fixing rules' doesn't work so well. Teenagers are adults in training - they need to feel thay have some control or 'say' in their lives. So simple things like coming home at night - I see no point in saying "You have to be in at x o'clock" if the thing they are at doesn't finish until that time or later. I'd far rather they said "I'm going to be here, doing this, with x and y and y's Dad is giving us a lift, or we're all walking back togther, so I'll be back around this time" etc.

1. don't slam doors
2. get in before midnight or call to say you'll be late ( weekends only, late teens of course)
3. your mess, your tidy up.

Our family's catch all rule applies to everyone in our house

Don't be a Dingbat.

I've always wanted to ask you, seeker: what do you do when two family members genuinely have different ideas as to what constitutes being a dingbat, and so accidentally commit dingbatness though they are convinced they did not?

Ds would get very upset in this kind of situation.

Or do you always think the same?

Ah. I am the ultimate arbiter of dingbatness. I will listen to both sides then make a ruling. If it's my dingbattery and I can't argue my way out of it, dp has to arbitrate.

But it is usually pretty obvious- if not to the dingbat concerned!