Is my 3 year old displaying 'normal' behaviour??? Help!

[Shelli08]

I am finding my sons behaviour really strange and difficult to cope with. I am not sure if it is some kind of autism or asperges or something like that because all of my friends who have chn of a similar age do not go through what i have been going through. I will just list some of his behaviours and can you tell me whether you think i should contact health visitor. I just feel silly if its nothing to worry about but i am sure this isn't normal.

1. Has obsession with light bulbs, knows his bayonet, screw ins, candles, energy saver etc

1. He loves kit kats (4 fingers) but if it is broken he screams the place down and mummy (not daddy) has to break one finger off at a time otherwise he wont have it

1. When he has his weetabix if its not the right temperature or i dont put it in the microwave for 20 seconds another tantrum starts

1. If the clock doesnt say 6:00 when he gets up in the morning (can't believe he is up at 6 every day) he will kick off even if its 6:01

1. Soup has to be heinz vegetable

1. He won't do a number 2 on the toilet he has to have a nappy on and lie down on the same cushion with a blanket over him and a toy with him

1. he wont get dressed if it is before or after 8 o clock it has to be 8

1. Kicks off at the petrol station if we dont go to the number he wants to go to

1. Doesn't sleep all night on his own, always wants someone with him

These are just a few things, there are loads more but i cant think of them off the top of my head. Does anyone else have similar things?

Sounds like a three year old to me ....

yup

MAAAASIVE tantrum and sainsbury's this week cause I didn't buy the usual fair trade bananas (cause they were all green) and went for normal own brand and they were the WRONG ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!

food temps - yes either too hot or too cold, he's like friggin goldilocks!

there's many many other examples

lol yes thats another one!! If a banana has the slightest brown mark he wont touch it and tangerines i have to get all the loose white bits off! glad im not the only one....im exhausted with it!

My 3 year old was like that, and on many things it was easiest to do it "his way".... but for others we had to wear the tantrums that resulted.

At 4 and a bit, he is sooooooo much better. If he doesn't eat well or is tired then small things can kick off a major reaction, but he can be reasoned with over most things now (PHEW).

I'd say if he was doing these things at 8 I'd be worried, but at the moment nothing there made me think he was anything but a normal child going through a difficult age.

I can't stress how much my DS needs regular food to be anything close to reasonable, he's got a fast metabolism and needs to graze each hour, two at most or he melts down badly.

Didn't you know Shelli08 broken snacks are an absolute crime against humanity!! I can't believe the care I put into ensuring that those blasted Organix oat bars don't snap as I unwrap them ... another fave is that mummy and grandma have cups that they usually drink coffee out of and that therefore they are ONLY allowed to drink out of these cups and must under no circumstances drink out of any other etc etc

Mine is three this year but is beginning these rituals... She won't put shoes on unless her sock seams are in exactly the right place, she will only sit on one knee and has a tantrum if you try to sit her on another, she hates food that is broken, she will only sleep with two books and a Lego lady in bed with her...

I am dreading the next two years

None of those things sound unlikely for a 3 year old.

I think you have to decide what you are happy to go along with, and what tantrums you will suffer in the cause of getting him to understand that they won't be happening.

My 3 (nearly 4 - hallelujah! :o) yo tends to be very particular about things, but I find that the more this fussiness is indulged, the more things she gets fussy about.

Sometimes the calm, slightly bored sounding explanation for why X won't be happening (repeat as necessary) is important. Otherwise the need to control and order the world and everyone in it just expands indefinitely.

I guess it's about finding boundaries (?).

FWIW I don't find that ignoring it usually helps, I find that talking to him quite seriously like an adult about why it doesn't matter/wont be happening/why we're diverting from routine etc is the only way he'll let it go - otherwise he bangs on about it for HOURS and sometimes wakes up the next morning STILL going on about it! ARGH!

Shelli, what's he like with his friends? Will he play with them yet? When he plays with his toys, does he play imaginatively? Would he understand if you pretended a banana was a telephone, or a block was a car. Would he join in the game? The behaviours you list could easily be a typical three year old, but if your mum instincts are worrying you, watch him with his peers and see if he seems like them or not. If you are still worried, there's no harm in asking your HV to assess him. It's not going to change him. A child on the autism spectrum won't grow out of the rigidity and need for routine that a typical three year old has.

It sounds like a normal 3 year old to me, but I do think you can manage a few these behaviours, otherwise if they realize that they throw a strop and get everything their way it will make for a very demanding child.

With the kit kat thing (as it is a treat anyway) I would say 'have it as it comes or no kit kat' don't pander to how he wants it. Just walk away if he kicks off.

With the petrol thing I wouldn't give in about driving to the pump he wants or it will go on forever and they have to learn that their are certain things they are not in charge of.

The sleeping thing is fine IF you are happy to do this, if not then steps probably need to be taken to change it.

The other things seem pretty ok to 'give in' on as long as they are not making life in the house really difficult for everyone else.

Your son sounds like he is a 'schemer' . I learnt all about schema's on a parenting course. it is basically children that have certain obsessions, that they feel comfortable with and part of normal behaviour. If you google schema it tells you all about it. HTH x

Apologies it is spelt "schema". Sorry x

Definite echos of my ds2 here. He was very exacting, like continuity a LOT, and would sadly proclaim that things that did not conform to his liking were "not quite right" - before kicking up an almighty storm over it.

He got less and less so over time, and now at 4.3, tantrums are rare, and the exacting standards not nearly so important. He can talk fluently now, so communication between is a lot better.

communication between us I mean...

Ds2's fixations of yore include:

What fork he must use.
What plate he must use.
Clocks, for a while. He loved them. Everything about them.
Hated having his teeth brushed, but flipped out if dh or I ever forgot to do it. It would take a while to decipher the cause of the upset it was so great. It was part of his set routine you see?
Would not entertain veg or fruit.

He was a good sleeper though, from early on.

He has outgrown all of those things I list there, almost entirely. I have applied to have him deferred for a year from school, as I think he is still emotionally immature.
For the vast part, he is an absolute darling. Amiable, polite, kind and very proper. He delights in academic things, like letters and numbers and maps, and is sociable and likeable.

Try not to worry.

He has been fixated on numbers from as soon as he was able to recognise them btw...but now, rather than situations involving numbers causing him frustration (like freaking out at the 'wrong' petrol pump), he seems to find them pleasurable. I think that's something that comes with maturity and better speech.