6 year old concentration / hyperactivity issues

[fatherchewylouis]

I have had growing concerns about my 6 year old for nearly a year now. He has been exhibiting increasing types of behaviour associated with ADHD and my husband and I have gone through phases of worrying about it and then relaxing a bit and hoping he will grow out of it but we have just had parents evening and it seems the issues we have been worrying about at home have been manifesting at schoool and are now affecting his schooling.

My husband displays a large number of these same characteristics too and in fact before we even had children we had the conversation that these days he may well have been diagnosed with ADHD but it wasn't really done when we were children. Although my husband has done well for himself now he did under-achive academically and was labelled a naughty boy throughout school.

My husband and I are now in disagreement about whether to go down the route of having my son assessed. My husband argues that although there is obviously an issue, it is mild and he himself is a testemant to the fact that it doesn't need to affect your ultimate success in life and that he may still grow out of it so why potebtialy label him with a disorder and put him through investigations. But I feel he is not entirely objective due to his own experiences with similar.

My view is that if (big if) there is a clinically recognised disorder there, that by recognising it we will get more help dealing with it and more hope of him achieving his academic potential (he is currently underperforming) and also I am concerned that my son is now getting a naughty boy label when I really don't think he is a bad boy, it is clear to me that he really doesn't appear to be able to control himself in some circumstances and I would rather him have an ADHD label than a label of naughty boy or trouble maker.

I know that no one can tell me whether he does have a problem or what to do, but I would be interested in people's views on the pros and cons of investigations and a possible diagnosis vs pros and cons of not making a big deal of it and not labelling him with a "disorder" and allowing him the opportunity to grow out of it.

All thoughts and opinions greatly welcomed (even if they seem harsh - am prepared to accept I am totally neurotic if the cap fits).

Thanks

Hi there,

I think the crucial thing here is - its about your son - not your husband. But you know that.

You simply can't line people up and say 'because I did OK - you will too.' Your son is a completely diff person and the older he gets the more apparent this will become.

Your husband will have to feel really confident that he can look your son in the eye, when he is grown up (especially if your son feels let down) and explain his reasoning for not having him 'assessed'.

It's that old addage 'well it didn't do me any harm.' Unless your husband lived a parallel life, how can he know if some sort of help with ADHD might have 'improved' his life.

You sound lovely, so does your husband.

It may well be that your son is in fact a completely healthy sprightly little boy with absolutely no underlying difficulties. maybe it would be a nice relief to have a professional assess your child if only to tell you this.

Also, remember that education is a one-size-fits-all experience. if you son does have certain difficulties then hopefully his school will be able to re-size his experience to fit him. So it's not a label - but a tool!

Thank you for your reply daytoday.

You have hit the nail on the head in your posts.

Your point about schooling is particularly pertinent as the teachers at Parents Evening admitted that there is a certain style of teaching that works with my son but that they can't use that teaching style a lot of the time because it doesn't suit the others, I guess that's just how it is in a class of 30 with a variety of needs and abilities.

You should come over to the special needs children board, there are loads of people over there who have been through the shall we shan't we phase.

Someone suggested to me to think of it as a "signpost" not a Label. The signpost is to point you in the right direction to get the right help for your son.

I went through the shall we shan't we phase about 4 years ago when trying to decide whether my younges dd needed assessing for ASD. In the end we went for it and she is now in a lovely new chool and getting some great support.

It took 3.5 years to get a diagnosis though.

good luck.

Thanks Ineedalife, I had no idea that board existed - that's just the place for me. Have posted this thread again there.

Thanks again