Guilty of creating a subservient people pleaser?

[sukiking]

Had a nursery parents' evening last night and got a fear confirmed. My 3 year old DS is showing people pleaser traits. He walks around saying 'does that make you happy mummy?'... terribly convenient but I'm worried I've turned him into a subservient little people pleaser. He seems superficially confident and popular but there are a couple of kids that he hero-worships and follows unquestioningly. I've always done the 'praise good behaviour, ignore the bad'... but when does that spill over into conditional love? Oh, and we were quite heavy on the ol' routines in the early days (she who must not be named). Really worrying I've screwed him right up! Or maybe it's just his nature (although his parents can't be described as people pleasers!)? What thinks you?

Where has he got the phrase "Does that make you happy" from? Do you say it to him? When he does something good?

I would change it....a very, very gifted man once said to me "You shoul be proud of yourself" when I had achieved something and it really struck home.

3 years old is a bit early to conclude that he is a people pleaser. If he's still saying that at 7, then maybe start to worry. My DS was sweet as as an angel aged 3. It didn't last. He's more of a typical boy now.

I wouldnt worry. He is very young to be worrying, is what I mean. All children have their quirks and weird little habits, and it is very likely just a phase.

That's exactly what I needed to hear - thanks for putting my mind at rest. I guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts. And I'll check back in a few years time to moan that he's just not very sweet any more!

my ds was like that as a little boy, now im pleased to report he is a grumpy, grunting lazy "why do i have to do everying" 17 year old that would not help out if his life depended on it .....enjoy every second while it lasts lol xx

Is it linked to something you say to him? My ds says to me: 'Are you happy mummy?' when he knows I'm not happy about something and I think it's because I say to him I'm not happy that you've done x y z (fill in the blank). I hate it too and it makes me worried.... But then again I think he's only using the phrase cos I use it...