13 months old happier with CM?

[tootiredtothinkofanickname]

DS (13 months) is with a CM 4 days a week. He loves it and loves the other children, he is the youngest so the older ones are doting on him. I pick him up at 4.30 so we have a good couple of hours of play before bed, and if I need to do something he is always by my side. What I?m trying to say is that I give him lots of attention and talk to him all the time, but lately he seems to prefer being with the CM. He started to grizzle constantly when home, and nothing works, cuddles, distraction, etc. I?m starting to think he is getting bored at home. This morning he cried a lot, even while cuddled, but the moment I dropped him off he was all smiles and crawled happily into the CM?s living room. Anyone else had this?

Yep. I think they take out their bad mood on mum/ dad because they're closest to them and feel able to do so, which is why everyone else always says "Oh, but he's always so good!"

You're not doing anything wrong. Be thankful you don't have tears and tantrums whenever you say goodbye - imagine how that would make you feel. I have mixed emotions about my DS's attachment to his CM, especially when he holds out his arms to her and calls her mummy (he's 15 mo and he's going through a phase of calling all women 'mama'. He went through a phase like that with men and 'dada' a while back too) But then i remind myself how when he's poorly or tired it's cuddles with me that he wants, and nobody else will do. He loves you, he's attached, he's happy and you've clearly chosen an excellent CM for him!

Btw - could it be his molars coming through? DS had a torrid time when his came through and it was noticable because he's usually so happy. I over analysed his behaviour and came to the conclusion that he hated me. Then i realised he was actually in pain, bless him.

Thanks matana. I think he might be teething, yes, all 4 canines recenly came through at the same time, poor baby, and I think his gums are still swollen (I can't really look as he gets very grumpy so I let him be). I know, I am happy he is happy, and I have no concerns about him during the day, the CM is lovely and takes good care of him, but it's so frustrating to have a grizzly baby on my hands almost all the time. And I don't seem to be able to do anything to make him happy again.

I hope it's a short phase and he will follow me around again with a grin on his face.

I had a similar thing at a similar age. CM told me DS always calm and happy there but he used to have meltdowns when I got him home. So flummoxed I called the HV (a very good one, luckily). She said DS showing signs of stress. Took one of CM's carers to one side and she said DS was left in a corner with a bunch of toys and, thanks to late crawling/walking, couldn't join in with the others. Turns out he was too insecure to express his stress with CM but felt secure enough to let it all out with me. Needless to say, I took him straight out of CM and got a nanny. He flourished after that. Poss all very unique to us but thought I'd share just in case. If none of that sounds right, I'm sure it's just phase so hold tight.

I have had v.similar feelings as you.. my dd is 14mo and she absolutely adores going to CM, loves having the older kids dote on her and they keep her well and truely entertained. However, I'm exactly the same as you and have thought that that she just gets bored when it's just me! She seems to grizzle when with me..

BUT, as matana says am so grateful not to suffer what some parents go through when they drop off their toddlers and get screams and tantrums

Is your ds dribbling / almost spitting alot at moment ? dd is and as the rosie checks to suggest think we have some teeth coming too.

It's hard being a working Mum and I figure (reassure myself) that we do get the rough deal in that we get them at the end of long (and fun packed!) day and they are probably tired and grumpy.

You say he is with CM 4 days - do you have him the 5th weekday ? I work 4 days and am making sure we are out and about at playgroups, singing etc locally or meeting up with other friends with kids as staying in is hard work !
I figure I'm a social person as his dh so she is too and therefore try and just forget the mundane tasks and enjoy my time with her.

Hi Happy, yes I have one day off and it's our special day, we are out a lot as I find he needs a lot of entertaining now. Yesterday was slightly better, but he was shattered so I put him to bed at 6.30, he fell asleep instantly.

Suki, what a bad experience you've had, I'm glad you've figured out what the problem was. I don't think the CM is ignoring him, I've seen them interact and when he sees her he gives her a huge smile and puts his arms up to be picked up. I just feel like I'm not entertaining enough now and he has so much more fun with her. I am happy he enjoys going there and is settled, but I guess I feel jealous a bit. Here it is, I've said it.

My DS loves going to the CM too - other children, loads of (noisy) toys we don't have at home. I wouldn't take it to heart. Plus, all children get grizzly in the afternoons/evenings as it gets closer to bedtime.

I'm not going to be 24 hour entertainer mum though, so he has to get used to amusing himself a bit at home Honestly I think playing by themselves is an important skill to learn.

I also found DS is grizzlier if he is hungry in the evenings, so I make sure he has a big snack mid-afternoon now to keep him going til dinner.

Hi tootired. I agree with you entirely, if it makes you feel any better I shall say it too - I'm jealous (sometimes!)

Our CM is also a very good friend and has been a CM for over 20 years, we are both obviously pro CM's over nursery's BUT, I do know that when I have discussed with her on behalf of friends etc why people may not prefer CM's one of the potential pitfalls is that mums can end up feeling jealous.. it was interesting as I felt I would never feel it but it does creep up on you, I have found I can sometimes get real pangs of it. Especially when I see the friend in her role as 'friend' rather than CM and she mentions socially something dd can do or say or something and I feel I haven't noticed it or didn't know about it ! Eg; it was her that actually told me what dd's first word was !!

However, to me as we don't have extended family around or grandparents near by I focus (like I think you are) on all the very positive aspects of their 'special' relationship and how great it is that hopefully dd will grow up with a very special 'auntie' in her life and also she has a great time (as an only and likely to be that way child) with some great experience in bonding and playing with the other kids that the CM looks after.

Rita, you make me laugh, I know exactly what you mean I too am trying to teach the playing by themselves as an important skill to learn and I certainly not got energy to be max-fun-Mum all the time, so I guess getting my balance and dd's balance is important.

Me too. I'm jealous. It sounds horrible to say it, but i was telling my colleague yesterday how, for just once, i'd like to know that he's missed me! He didn't even say goodbye to me this morning, just dived out of my arms and onto the floor to be with his little pals!

It's good to feel I'm not the only one... though of course not good others feel jealous as well... but I'd rather be a bit jealous and know he is happy than worried he is not well looked after while I'm away. Matana, DS did the same this morning, he grizzled for me to put him down and didn't give me a second glance when I said good-bye. But I know it's excellent for him to have a strong bond with someone else as well, especially that our families are abroad, we are not from the UK.

Rita, I know what you mean about not being the entertainer, I'm not and also I think it's doing DS good to just be with me when I'm doing somehting around the house (not that I am houseproud by any stretch of the imagination...). But he just seems more easily bored these days.