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Original poster

6yo DD getting difficult to handle

10 replies

Mumof1plustwins · 13/03/2012 17:52

Hi,
I have DTs aged 1 and DD 6 but recently shes becoming very stubborn and refuses to do any homework that she doesn't enjoy (spellings) and if I try to encourage her to do it she throws a massive tantrum and recently has started to get physical and grabs my arm (doesn't hurt because she's only 6 but I'm worried about where this will lead) shes even started to disobey her dad and he just blames me because she's with me all day (except at school where she behaves!)
I've tried time out but just getting her to go to the time out spot is another fight! I'm getting pretty tired tbh and it's affecting the way I feel about her Sad don't know what I've done. I've tried talking and it works but only for a day! She's fussy about clothes she wears, food she eats and if I say she can't wear her school shoes in the house - put your slippers on she throws a screaming tantrum!! Help!!
TIA

OP posts:
Grizzler1 · 13/03/2012 20:05

i have 2 daughters aged 7 and 9. They are both defiant, will not do as they are told and I really feel like I don't like them. I try really hard to understand and to discipline them but I just feel like we are all in a mess. I split up from their father about 6 months ago, whilst this is great for me and put an end to an unhappy relationship I'm guessing that this might be a lot to do with it. Although he never participated in family life, financially or child care. They just don't take any notice of me at all and just give me loads of cheek.

helpppp!

Original poster
Mumof1plustwins · 13/03/2012 20:23

Grizzler1 I think you need to make your own thread otherwise things might get confusing here Smile

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scummymummy · 13/03/2012 20:33

Do you think she's got into the habit of attention seeking via bad behaviour because of having young cute twins in the family taking admiration and attention away from her? My eldest are twins and I know just how much attention twins can get from the wider world. I also have a much younger child (my twins are nearly 13- eeek!) and had forgotten how much time and effort it can be looking after babies- at times I felt like my twins barely got a look in during my daughter's first year. You have two and the effect on your daughter must be massive. Perhaps she's just using the any attention is better than none maxim to make sure she's getting you to herself for a while? Do you get any time alone together?

Original poster
Mumof1plustwins · 13/03/2012 20:36

I don't think so, she loves her brothers, gets upset if they cry, plays with them, they adore her!

I think she thinks she's an adult because before DTs came along we were like friends!! (I know v.bad) but got along and did everything together but we can't now... Maybe she is rebelling I just don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
scummymummy · 13/03/2012 20:56

If you were like friends before the twins were born then she must have had one heck of a shock adjusting to sharing you with 2 babies, I reckon, no matter how much she loves them. I do think it could be an attention thing. Is she finding school ok? Year 1 can be a bit of a shock to the system for some kids too...

Original poster
Mumof1plustwins · 13/03/2012 21:00

She didn't like yr1 at first but settled in after I started to suggest her teacher was actually quite nice Blush (realised I'd been saying a few things about her teacher that I shouldn't) just "tutting" at something shed said or done but I've stopped that and it's had an affect (positive)
DH says I treat her like an adult and I think he's right but aside from that he doesn't really help me improve matters!

OP posts:
Parly · 15/03/2012 01:49

You need to nip this in the bud and prep yourself for an almighty battle of wits I?m afraid. She?s dipping her toe in the water and seeing just how much she can get away with and whether she can wear you down.

When you?re both calm and not already working up towards a tantrum, explain to her that you don?t like falling out with her but can?t let her misbehave the way she is. Ask her to meet you halfway by having her homework done by 6pm / taking her shoes off at the front door as soon as she gets in etc. If she won?t do these few simple things for you, she loses whatever she most enjoys (e.g. TV / games etc) and won?t get any of them back unless and until she starts behaving.

I?ll bet fifty million pounds she won?t like it and will kick off / scream and shout and defy you from the outset but no matter what, you mustn?t back down or give in ? even if you do feel really bad about stripping everything but the bare mattress out of her room.

If you stick to your guns and don?t fall soft, chances are she?ll start realising it?s best not be a little madam a lot sooner than you?d expect.

If you don?t tackle this now, you?ll have a nightmare with her in the next few years only by that time, it?ll be too late to do much about it.

Original poster
Mumof1plustwins · 15/03/2012 19:19

Thanks

Well today she was running about outside like a loon so I asked her to come to me, she ignored me, then nearly bumped into a man so I told her to come and threatened to put the lead on her (the kid ones) and I thought wait she had her chance now follow through, she wasn't listening to me so I put it on her wrist and she kicked off massively Blush I remained calm and eventually got on the bus and all the way home kept the lead on and explained to her that from now on when she misbehaves the lead goes on and will stay on til we get home. If she misbehaves at home I take away her favourite toy/game etc.
All was fine until we got to the door and she threw another tantrum because I wouldn't take the lead off yet (I said when we get inside), we got in I took it off, she was rude so I took her fav. Teddy, she calmed down quite quickly when she realised she wasn't getting anywhere...I start dinner she's playing in her room...she calls me to tell me she's done something bad...
Shes ruined her carpet by making a huge ink stain on it (on purpose) and drawn all over it...I calmly ask her to put her pens in their box, once this was done I took the box and said she won't be getting that back now because she can't be trusted with pens. Cue small tantrum (noticed at this point they were getting smaller!)
Dinner : she eats gets only one treat for eating her dinner but no more because of the carpet. She wasn't happy but didn't throw a tantrum!
now just need to implement this for homework/clothes and food and peace shall be restored!!

Grin
OP posts:
Goawaybob · 15/03/2012 19:25

My DD is the same age as yours and sometimes i wonder where my cute little button has gone, shes still there, she is just pushing the boundaries a bit, with me, because its safe to do so.

This might sound mad but to get my DD to do her homework, we play schools, of varying types - this week it was Doggie school (DD is obsessed with dogs) and ok so i had to pretend to tell the rest of the "class" (that will be our long suffering jack russell) off for not doing as much as DD and mad stuff like that, it got the homework done without too much whinging.

Original poster
Mumof1plustwins · 16/03/2012 15:05

I've tried the school game, it worked the first 6 times but now she just hates doing the work bit and only plays Hmm

But I'll going to push through this weekend and see if we get homework done!!

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