toddler aggression and tv

[gentlegran]

MY 2 and a half year old grandson. YEs grandson, hope you don't mind a gran joining in, is so aggressive. He can be an absolute angel, so sweet with the cutest little face .but he attacks every child he sees especially younger than him , he also scratches me sticks his nails in my eyelids and smacks me in the face. HE also smacks his parents in the face.and nips them.he can be very destructive if he can't get his own way.his punishment is time out..he attends private nu 2 mornings a week and unless he has one to one attention he hits all the other childrenthese attacks are totally unprovoked.we are all at our wits end. He is am only child with adoring doting parents grandparents and extended family members to look after him. But his mummy and daddy do let him watch too much tv. He watches all Disney and pixar films , scooby doo and doctor who.I don't approve of this as it makes him hyper.but my daughter said all kids watch them and I need to let it go and get over myself I find the films quite aggressive.am I being over the top....could really do with some advice

Hello. My son had this problem at around this age and I realised the tv he was watching was making it much worse - many cartoons seem harmless but are actually very violent! Also he loves superheroes, which are always fighting etc. so we stopped him watching the shows, and became much more strict when he did lash out. Sometimes it was because he was tired or hungry, so we watched out for that. Sometimes it was for attention, so we made sure we played with him lots etc. we also stopped spoiling him with a constant stream of gifts etc. But if it was simply naughtiness, we put him on the naughty step, confiscated toys for an hour... The extra discipline seemed to work.

Thank you so much for your advice .I know what you are saying makes perfect sense.just praying I can convince my daughter .or even get her to lend me an ear . Thank you

He's far too young to process Dr Who... it can be really scary, and he's got all that going on in his little head. It might not affect some children as much because they are of a different temperament, but it clearly is in his case. You sound like a lovely Grandma btw .

Dr Who sounds way too much, but disney/pixar and mostly U's and not something I would worry about particularly.

If he is fine when he is getting attention is it possible that he is being violent for the attention he gets? I would try a punishment/reward system that mean he gets no/very little attention for misbehaving and lots of attention when he is good.

Don't know if TV would be the cause of this behaviour or not - however if you suspect it is then that alone is worth trying to limit it surely!

If your daughter is at her wits end, as everyone else is too - wouldn't it be worth a try for her to give him other things to do to see if it makes a difference even if she thinks it won't?

If he watches all those things, that is a lot of time in front of the Tv which is not human interaction and he could be missing out on that, emotionally that is, he wouldn't be able to know or say so himself. I still don't like docotr who and was scared stiff of it at 6yo so think that is pretty strong for a toddler!!!

She is also wrong that all kids watch those things as my ds doesn't watch any TV (only 20mo currently) at the moment, as we are too busy doing other things. I don't intend to stop him having tv forever, but I won't be encouraging it when I think there are dozens of other things he can be doing which are better. Your gs is older than my ds but, still, it shows not all kids do watch all that tv.

maybe she is just nervous how she would entertain a volatile toddler without the aid of the tv - which is understandable, but worth a go if things are as bad as you describe.

Good luck, it sounds very distressing.

It can be really stressful when a toddler hits people - I thought mine would never grow out of it, but he did thankfully

My ds is the same age and been behaving very similarly - he is just the last few days improved. My friend who is training to be a midwife has done some research on toddler boys as part of her course. Apparently, they have spikes of testosterone at certain milestone times which can be stronger in some boys than others. At the same time, because they are growing, the part of their brain which inhibits impulses is not as effective. If you add to the mix a toddler's frustration at not being able to communicate as effectively as they can understand, the boundless energy they need to expend everyday and perhaps other external factors like starting nursery (my ds's behaviour got decidedly worse at this point, even though his speech massively improved) or a new sibling on the scene, then if you think about it, it's actually a miracle that not ALL toddlers rampage around like mini-sociopaths.

A good analogy my midwife friend made was to look at what side effects bodybuilders on steroids have (ie increasing testosterone levels) - uncontrollable rage, super strength and a desire to be better than their bodies allow them - and look at the effect these testosterone spikes have on toddler boys.

Thank you to all the lovely people for all your advice and support .its great to know that little man will grow out of this .although my daughter is a brilliant mum she won't take any advice from me.her health visitor told her to take him away from every group and situation whene he hits another child.she doesn't drive and ends up having to leave and go home on the bus.this upsets her but not her little boy cos he s too young to understand .I am going to talk to her fiance my grandson s daddy and hope I can get him to understand . He is very easy going.my sister has always insisted he is autistic.but I don't agree . He doesn't tick enough boxes .he has a beautiful bedroom with all equipment that he would have at nursery.my daughter does cooking painting model making jigsaws visits to the park and out to see friends baby groups.in fact they go out every day of the week.but she does work and am afraid daddy uses tv in the evenings.he works very hard and if mummy is working through the night , little man does watch tv .unfortunately I m not allowed to pass an opinion .but I Will be changing things while I'm there.he ll be helping me and we ll be doing things together every day and there ll be no sweets and chocolate

You sound like a lovely gran and your daughter sounds like a great mum - sometimes things just turn out the way they do despite all best efforts. I am sure with a loving family to guide him this problem will pass - hopefully sooner rather than later. At least you can put in your time and influence, even if your comments as such, are not welcome - you are still helping him that way. :)

Poor you, I am sure it's a phase. I agree with you that too much tv is not a good idea, my ds just zones out in front of it. But all you can do as gran is express an opinion, I agree that Doctor Who is too adult. I find the less tv my son watches the better. The more he watches the more he wants

We don't have a TV, but my ds has had aggressive phases. Basically being consistant and removing him from the situation when he acts out has the most effect on him.

I disagree that at 2 and a half he's too young to understand that leaving a group, assuming she does it straight away, is a direct consequence. Certainly my ds at that age could express that he was sad at leaving a group because of his behaviour, and also tell me before hand that he wanted to behave so he could stay for the duration.

deWe yes, my ds definitely understands the connection between hitting and taking him home. Although he is still unable to control his impulses sometimes, the threat of being taken home does have some impact. I do think the conditioning aspect of it though is more effective at 2.5 years than understanding, although when their understanding truly kicks in around three the groundwork has been done.

I have 9, 5 and 3 year old sons and the elder watches Dr. Who - not all episodes as there are some that I don't think are suitable for him, not necessarily even that they are scary but that they just have themes that aren't suitable for him to watch. The 5 year old has seen a couple of episodes but very closely vetted ones. The 3 year old hasn't seen any.

I am not sure if your grandson is diagnosed autistic and you don't agree with the diagnosis, or it is something that your daughter assumes?
Even if your grandson is autistic he still needs to learn the consequences of his actions, unfortunately this can take longer than for a neurotypical child, but it can't be used as an excuse for poor behaviour forever. Before I get jumped on, my elder two children have autism - one has Aspergers, one high functioning ASD). IF he is hurting other children he needs to be removed from the situation, that can be hard for a parent as you miss out on human interaction, but hopefully your grandson will come to realise that it isn't acceptable behaviour too.
If he really is autistic, she needs to take him for formal assessment so that interventions can be put in place, he may need a statement etc put in place before he starts school with 1:1 support, which takes a long time to get put in place. Equally if it turns out that he isn't his behaviour can be addressed, albeit possibly in a different way.