Discipline advice needed

[Shaz2011]

I am a mum to 2 ds & got guardianship of another ds they are 7 2 & 9 months need advice who how to discipline them as my 2 year old is now copying the 7 year ( which is the guardianship) & I don't want to smack them but dh said he does as we were smacked as a child & it didn't do us any harm, but I feel terrible if I smack them please can anyone help me

Overall, I wouldn't smack.

It's not that I disagree with it per se, but my DS (3YO) is extremely literal (poss. aspergers) and I'm sending a clear signal to him that if I hit, then it's OK for him to hit others when they do something he doesn't like. So, it's neither a punishment or a deterrent for him.

I have, however, smacked both of my children for doing something dangerous (going onto a road, trying to climb out a window). Again, this is because DS can be very impulsive and hard to distract from something, so a short sharp shock can be the only way I can get his attention. But, I don't like when I have to do that and the times it's happened, I feel terrible and feel as he gets older, I have to work out better methods of not letting that be how I cope. For instance, what will happen when he goes to school and the teachers aren't able to smack him? He needs to respond to other methods of intervention.

So, overall, I would say no. Best to look to other methods.

I would say no as well. It may work in the short term, but in the long run, you're letting them know that they can smack others if they deem something not to their liking.

Your DH says it didn't do you any harm, but what he doesn't realise is that the harm has been to bring it to another generation. Yes, schools used to cane. Yes, parents used to flay their kids, and they grew up with respect for their parents, but it just doesn't seem to work like that any more.
Talking will always do more good than harm, whereas smacking is the other way around. At least explaining their misbehaviour will help them to understand why they're in trouble.

Try identifying an area in the house (possibly the stairs - most people use stairs) that will the place they are sent to if they do something unacceptable, and will be staying there for 'x' minutes. When time's up, be sure to explain to them what it was they did that resulted in being placed there, and that it can't happen again.

I found that a quick smack round the legs did help, but up to the age of about 4. After that age I think it potentially can teach them aggressive behaviour. At age 7 they naturally test the boundaries and you need to send clear consistent signals preferably by using sticker charts/time out/loss of privileges. But you must be really clear on what the rules are (pick your battles), what the consequences are if those rules are broken (agree them in advance and in tandem with any other carers) and realise that they will learn from your behaviour - if you take the time to listen to them when they are talking, and be genuinely interested in what they are saying they will grant you the same respect. If you are empathetic to their needs and feelings, they will be to others. Kids just need to feel safe and loved, unconditionally. Lots of cuddles and reassurance/positive comments make them more confident and feel that they don't need to play up to get attention - which is all they do it for!!! I hope things get easier, that is a difficult age gap to deal with, however, your 2 year old will inevitably pick up things from the 7 year old, it's a given. Obviously you have to decide what to ignore and what to make an issue of,,,,,,,