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Help! DS would rather start a row than go to bed

5 replies

Susimum · 08/03/2012 22:02

Our DS, 8, has always been pretty good at going to bed but over the last couple of months bedtimes have become much harder. He will be absolutely fine until it is actually time to go upstairs and then the arguing starts. This ranges from 'I'm still hungry' to 'You're always telling me off' there is no logic and he will bring things up from days ago simply to put off going to bed. We try not to rise to it simply saying it's bedtime and trying to get him upstairs but he has taken to curling up in a ball on the sofa and when we lift him off he shouts and yells. Tonight DH had to carry him upstairs while he shouted at us. Once upstairs he will run into our room and hide or attempt to run back downstairs again. When he finally gets into his room he then starts arguing again and nothing we say seems to help. It's getting really hard not to get cross. The last few nights have been horrible as he has refused to say goodnight and pushed us away when we try to hug him. We even found him camped out on the landing the other night half an hour after he had gone to bed (frightened the life out of me!)
We have always had a bedtime routine and have tried lots of different ways to sort this out. Reward charts, long conversations about anything that bothers him, telling him he won't get to do something if he doesn't go to bed as he will be too tired but it just seems to get worse.
I've checked at school and nothing has happened to upset him, he likes his room and will play in it happily and he doesn't wake up in the night but we are both starting to dread bedtime. Any advice please?

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exoticfruits · 09/03/2012 07:25

What time is he going? Is it too early? Is he the only DC?
As he is 8yrs old I would sit him down with both you and DH and say that it just isn't working and he is too old to have all this bedtime fuss.
Ask him why he does it? What doesn't he like? Are you still following the bedtime routine he had when earlier? Sort a new one out together. Set on a time and let him get on with it by himself. Make it clear that once in bed he doesn't have to immediately put the light out, he can read. Make sure that he isn't hungry and have water in his room.
Once you have settled on a new system refuse to discuss it, he is getting lots of attention for very negative behaviour.
I should just sound very bored and 'do the broken record' approach.Don't get involved in argument -it is all too easy to get drawn in.

Susimum · 09/03/2012 12:32

He goes to bed at 8 and is tired. He wakes up about 7am so I think he's going at the right time. He has a little sister who goes to bed at 7 so he usually has one programme that he get to choose (instead of CBeebies!) and then upstairs either for us to read a story or for him to read. We have sat him down and asked what the problem is and talked about whether there is something we can do differently. We changed things slightly and it worked for a couple of nights but then he went back to arguing again. We are trying to not argue back - as you say that's attention for negative behaviour. Thanks for the advice we will stick with it.

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exoticfruits · 09/03/2012 13:42

That sounds fair enough. He is just dragging it out with attention seeking. I would make sure he eats something before he goes, if he is hungry, and put water in his room. Tell him that he can read in his room but that he isn't to come out. After that I wouldn't get drawn into arguments-he will try his best to get you to engage-just repeat, in a bored tone as if he is too tedious for words, ' I'm not discussing it-Goodnight'.

Susimum · 09/03/2012 20:00

DH is doing that as we speak so fingers crossed. Thanks!

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BsshBossh · 10/03/2012 21:12

Did it work?

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