Baby not pleased to see me

[letscallthewholethingoff]

My DS is 10 months old and we love him to bits of course. However, I'm not really sure that he's attached to me and DH. I am a SAHM at the moment so he is with me most of the time but I have noticed he has no separation anxiety from me and whenever I have left him with his grandmother or a babysitter for a few hours, he never seems that happy to see me when I get back. He'll glance over and maybe smile, maybe not, but there's no excitement, or indication that he's pleased his Mum's back.

I was just wondering if anyone else had babies that weren't that affectionate when they were young? I'm not sure what else I could have done to promote attachment - we have never left him to cry and spent a lot of time with him in a sling when he was younger.

I think he does know who we are as he will smile more readily at us than at strangers and we do have lovely times together with me making him laugh etc.

The rest of his development seems to be on track. He is crawling and babbling away, although not clapping, waving or pointing yet but I think (hope) it's too soon to worry about those things yet.

I know it sounds really silly to say but sometimes I just feel like he doesn't love me :(.

10months is a bit young for separation anxiety IME. He smiles when you come back - so he is pleased to see you!

It way too soon to be concerned about clapping, waving or pointing, honestly. He should pick up these things sometime soon, probably between now and about 15 or 16 months, and you'll likely get a lot more signs of affection by then too

Thanks for the reassurance, oldmum!

I think the fact that he hasn't got separation anxiety and doesn't get distressed with other carers means that you've done an excellent job with attachment! He obvioulsy feels secure and at ease that his needs will be met. Well done I'd say

Agreed - my DD was exactly the same and only started to be really affectionate to me and DP from around 11 months. Now I get a lovely cuddle and a kiss when I come in.

He is glad you're back. Don't doubt it!

Thanks everyone. I think I do need to relax and assume everything is fine, rather than assuming the opposite. I read so many baby books (why love matters, penelope leach etc) before he arrived and they talk so much about how much your baby loves you and squirms with pleasure when he sees you etc. and I just feel I haven't really seen that in DS. But I guess the problem is with my expectations and not with DS!

OOO, I had this - I got all confused when my DS now 14mo was a bit indifferent when I walked back in... I used to be all quiet and act like it wasn't a big deal that I'd been away, because I didn't want to cause him a fuss, IYSWIM? But one time, he was actively off with me (been out a bit long/ we weren't at home) and I realised that I had to take the lead and make a big fuss of re-establishing contact. After that, I'd be all massive hugs and 'I missed you, DS!' and making it clear I was very happy to see him and since then, he has been much more overt about feeling pleased to see me, too. Of course, your DS might just be super relaxed about it all because you've made such a good bond.

Used to worry about this myself (and still do occasionally!) DS has never been worried by being left with his CM (from 9 mo) and never used to indicate that he was excited to see me when i returned. He's still not bothered by being left (he's 15 mo) but i now get a shriek and a beaming smile when i collect him. I remember vividly the first time he greeted me with affection. I had had the worst day at work and was very nearly in tears when i arrived. He was crawling around on the floor in the kitchen, looked up and saw me, gave me the widest, cheesiest grin, crawled frantically towards me, used my skirt to pull himself up onto his feet, and when i picked him up he threw his arms around me and snuggled into my neck. My bad day disappeared instantly.

Sounds to me like you probably have a very happy, contented, relaxed LO who simply has no worries or doubts that you will not return for him. The worst thing in the world is to leave your LO when they are crying for you, imo. Thankfully i have not yet experienced that. My DS is very strong willed and independent and has far too much fun with his friends to miss his mummy much. But he always wants me when he's feeling ill or upset.

You are the world to your DS and you always will be.

wtas. My DS was exactly the same, and I was worried that he had no idea who I was! Then at about 14m he went through a brief period of separation anxiety and that was horrible, the guilt^ All back to normal now, I leave him and he doesn't bat an eyelid (in fact, he's always super excited to see his CM and her DDs), but when I get back he grins excitedly and dashes towards me, then inevitably spots something more interesting and veers off in that direct!

hmm, not sure what went on with that post!

Hmm, I disagree that 10mos is too young for separation anxiety, my daughter definitely had it at about 9 months. I just think your son hasn't got it which is much better!

Your post reminds me of a tearful month or so I went through when my daughter actually preferred my partners mother to me (admittedly, she has always spent a lot of time with them as they help out during the week when we're at work). I was paranoid she didn't love me and the SA I mention above was for her grandmother, not me!!!

This is all a distant memory now and thankfully I can laugh about it. :)