Weird sleep/behaviour phase at 16 months?

[ZimboMum]

Hi, my DS is going through what I hope is just a weird phase at the moment. We have had a solid bedtime routine for about a year and do the same things in the same order every night - starts by saying 'night night' to his toys and shutting toy box and going upstairs to help dad run the bath, then longish bath with toys, pjs on, cuddle with dad and then feeds to sleep on me. In the last couple of nights he's had a full on meltdown once he's had a bit of milk. He doesn't speak at all yet, but has found his pointy finger and we have a very insistent DA DAAAAA whilst pointing at the stars wanting to go down. We've tried dad coming back up and calming him down walking him around before more milk - purple in the face wailing to be let downstairs; tried feeding him in our bed in the hopes I can then transfer him into his cot when asleep - purple in the face, clambering over me in sleeping bag to climb off bed and hobbling to the stairs in his sleeping bag so we end up bringing him downstairs and feeling like failures by doing so. we tried to be firm one night and kept saying no, and shhhing him and trying to get him to go to bed. it just ended in tears for all of us and had a v clingey boy who wouldn't let go of either of us for days.

Then once he's downstairs he's fine, playing with his toys, a right charmer. But the last couple of nights once we're all ready to go to bed, he won't feed in the chair like we usually do, he has to be in our bed and stays there all night. its not a problem for me - i get to lie down and snooze myself - but it's not ideal really and he always seems to lie horizontally to our vertical so we make a lovely H shape in the bed with mum and dad clinging on to the edges. He then sleeps well and usually only wakes up once in the night after he's asleep. He sleeps well in his cot to, when he's in it!

During the day he loves being outside and with MIL (who is lovely and the apple of his eye) but not so keen on being inside with us playing with his toys. He seems to get obsessed with things and if he's not allowed them - hoover, dustbuster, phone, keys, wallet, monitor from his room - he has a complete meltdown and its as if the world is ending. I know he is just pushing the boundaries but I feel like a complete failure because I can't help him manage his emotions without ending up giving in to him. I've tried to give him more control so that he doesn't always feel like we're saying no and trying to get him to do things he doesn't want to do, but it doesn't seem to help. We also have flat out refusal to sit in high chair - all meals must be eaten at a flat out gallop or sitting on the kitchen windowsill or if very lucky, on the table...

I guess i'm just hoping someone will be able to tell me its a phase. and that we're not crap parents raising a retrobate...

TIA and so sorry for the length

There is deffanlty a sleep regresion aroung 16-18months (google for more info) and we had major problems with DD in the middle of the night at this age (wide awake).

Could he not be tired enough at bedtime? DD actualy started dropping her nap at 18months and if he's awake untill you are going to bed he could just not need a nap or a shorter one. Don't let him sleep after 3pm in the afternoon or that's a sure bedtime killer for most little one's.

The other thing it could be is seperation anxiety, which I think peaks around 18months which would also explain why he was so clingey after your attempte of trying to get him to sleep on his own.

I would consider teaching baby singing to help with the comunication. (honist it really does help) I'm actualy of the school of let them play with anything as long as you don't think it's dangerous (DS love the hoover and my phone). As for the sitting down to eat thing I really found a good toddler group helpfull for this, if you go to one where they make them all sit down for there snak it's amazing how they will learn off other little one's. Plus I would only let DD and DS eat in high chair running around with food can be a chocking hazard (make sure you've done a first aid course for children if you really can't get him to sit down).

Good luck, they are hard work at this age but can be so much fun to.

Thanks for your reply.

Ds isn't a great napper and I def don't let hom sleep after three! I don't think he's overtired either. Just trying to put hom to bed now with all the lights in the house turned out so he thinks we've all gone to bed. Felt it was worth a try.

Will look into baby signing.

We had some progress in that lynch was eaten in high chair but tea he stood on the windowsill for. If I try put hom in his chair and he doesn't want to be in it he cries and cries and then won't eat at all. Trying to pick my battles but feel like I'm losing the war.

Thanks again.

Hom? Him! Lynch? Lunch!

Hi, just wanted to say DS is almost 17 months, and I know what you're talking about! A few weeks ago our previously good sleeper - 13 hours straight from being put down - turned into a whining, bawling bag of tears every time we left him in his cot. After the fifth night of this I was just that knackered that I woke him early (he usually wakes naturally around 8:30am), and kept him up the whole day (we went to nana's!). My logic was he'd be that tired that he'd just have to pass out asleep after a while, and yep, that night after 10 minutes or so of tears he went to sleep and slept his usual 13 hours, and has been fine ever since. I know it was risky, wrt being overtired, but felt it was worth a go!

I'm not necessarily advocating this, I was desperate as I have just herniated a disc in my back and DH was working away, but I do think DS almost got into a routine of crying and not sleeping again, and that day of being woken early and being knackered by bedtime just broke his new crying routine.

Don't think I can help much with the highchair thing though as we've not cracked that one yet, although DS suffers with severe reflux, and has done since birth, so seems to associate the highchair with vomiting, thus sometimes getting hysterical when he goes near it.

However, he does seem a bit better after I stopped doing the straps up (but for goodness' sake keep an eye on them, he tends to climb out as soon as my back's turned and he think's it's v funny)

Good luck!

Thanks for your reply. We had a brill night on weds 7-5.30 on his bed and then milk and cuddles and snooze with is until 7.30. Last night he went down ok but woke screaming at 9 and it took ages to calm him down. He's teething and I tend to blame most things on that. He also has the obligatory snotty nose so I feel we need to cur him some slack! Wonder what tonight will bring!

Thanks again.