My DS attends Pre-School 3 days a week and he has been having problems since he started. This is the second individual educational performance plan he has had. The first one was pretty vague but this one is much more specific and has the following goals:
- LittleSpot will use words to express his feelings and not lie on the ground and shout
- LittlleSpot will acknowledge other peoples feelings using the emotion cards with support of a staff member
- LittleSpot will respond first time to an adult telling him what to do
I am particularly anxious as he will be going to school a few days after he turns 4 and I just worry about whether he is going to be ready. As his parent it is obviously my job to try and do the right things, but I am not sure what the right things are anymore
I have ben reflecting on DS's social interactions outside of PreSchool to work out whether the problem is the PreSchool; annd I have to acknowledge that the behaviours that the PreSchool are worried about go on at home too. I am hoping that if we can sort it out at home, the PreSchool situation will also improve; so would be grateful for any advice.
I usually have to tell DS several times to do things (e.g. put your shoes on, go up for a bath). He gets a five minute warning that he will need to do these things. When I tell him its time for his bath or shoes or whatever he either ignores me, or says he is still playing. If he ignores me I get down to his level and tell him again. If he says he is still playing then I will say he can have 1 more minute, then after that minute he is told he needs to do whatever it is. He goes from looking quite calm to completely losing it in a millisecond, and I am at a loss to know what to do, he can't be reasoned with when he is lying on the floor shouting. At the moment I tell him that I understand he is angry but X Y Z is still going to happen and I follow this through, even if it means carrying him upstairs for his bath or putting his shoes on for him I tend to stay very calm; but I am wondering if I need to tell him that what he does is making me cross? Or whether a sticker chart for doing as he is told first time would help; or could it just lead to more problems???
I have also been thinking about his interaction with children outside of PreSchool (he is an only child); he will completely lose his temper if something doesn't go his way e.g. on Sunday he was playing with a ball at soft play and another child took it (he was distracted looking at something else; the other child was not being deliberately unkind). He said he wanted to play with it but the other child held onto it; I tried to distract him by telling him there were some other really cool bigger balls we could get, but he just completely flipped his lid, crying, lying on the floor kicking his legs. Suggesting he took a deep breath made him even more angry.By the time he had calmed down, the situation had moved on (the other child had lost interest in the sodding ball) and there wasn't the opportunity for him to try negotiating turn-taking or anything sensible. I do find these situations very embarrassing as his reactions are usually waaay over the top in relation to what has happened and I did what I usually do which is to take him away for a cuddle as he was crying his heart out. To be fair he did calm down quickly then, but jeeez. I really don't know how to help him deal with disappointment in a less dramatic fashion.
I have read him the 'Join in and Play' books and 'Talk and Work it Out' and draw his attention to other children who problem-solve to explain there are other ways of going about the same thing, but the penny is not dropping.
I am going around in circles in my head as I am worried that a too behavioural apporoach with sticker charts and time out is going to damage his self esteem (I suffer from recurrent depression and want to try and bring up a happy confident boy; on the other hand I don't want him to be a self-centred nightmare who can't consider other people. There must be some middle ground and I would be grateful for any ideas.