Help! Problems with 5yr old behaviour at school.

[WannabeNigella]

Hi,

At a recent parents evening we were told by the teacher that our son's behaviour at school was sometimes not great. This was news to us as he had been getting on really well there since he started in September. (He has just turned 5).

The teacher seemed to think that this behaviour was beginning to have a detrimental affect on his learning and he had slipped from being in top part of the class to towards bottom of average (Teachers words).

I was instantly concerned and we talked to our ds about it but over the last few weeks it hasn't improved. The most we can really get out of the teacher is that he doesn't always listen to what he is being told and will start an activity/work but then wander off to something else in the class which looks far more interesting etc. There doesn't appear to be anything aggressive or dangerous or any key incidents. I think it is just a generalised not doing as he's told/easily distracted situation.

His behaviour at home is generally good, he'll have the odd blip where he'll be on time out for snatching a toy from his younger brother etc but we are quite firm and like I say, generally he is a good boy.

I should also add that he does LOVE school. He can't wait to go, has lots of friends and even the teacher has commented that he has a smile on his face all day long.

I am really, really worried though. I'm worried it is affecting his learning but I also don't want him to get tarred with the assumption he's the naughty boy in the class and for it to get worse as they years go on. It is a very small school so I think every little blip is heightened because of this.

He has come in from school today and told me that his teacher told him off for wandering away from his work again and I have literally blown up at him for not doing as he is told and then gone for a cry in the other room as I am at my wits end. I just don't know what to do to knock this behaviour on the head.

Any great advice??

Sounds like a normal 5 year old. We had this with DS1 when he was in reception. There are always so many thikngs going on that it is easy to get distracted. DS has improved now he is in Y1 but I think while he is in key stage 1 it will be a problem. DS1 needs structure & routine and I don't think child-led learning always suits!

Try not to stress - I know it is easier said than done!

I keep thinking what he is doing is really only typical 5yr old behaviour but I am really being made to feel like its a problem now and teacher is talking about weekly communication between home and school. I had sort of requested this as I wanted reliable info on how he was doing rather than relying on ds's word but the teacher seemed reluctant to do this before half term as he said it really wasn't a big deal but on Friday this week he mentioned the weekly communication.

Bumping.

I have a little book that the teachers can write any +ve/-ve stuff in. It's really helpful as ds can tell me about something really small that the teacher won't mind and not tell me about something bigger. Today (for example) it said that he did not want to start doing the "activity" with an adult, then refused to stop.

It's great because I can discuss his specific behaviour when there's a problem and if sometimes I get a reason I can feed (in the book) back to the teacher.

It's sort of daily, but they don't write something every day now, although they did at first. But I can assume if nothing is written then he had a standard day.

My son did this too. I also work as part of the SEN team in a mainstream primary school with 43% special needs. I would definitely go with the weekly communication. If your DS knows that his teacher is letting you know EXACTLY what is happening each week, then that in itself could help.

I totally understand your panic! It's very baffling sometimes to work out what on earth our little darlings are thinking, and what possible motivations they could have. I also found it really embarrassing that DS was acting out at school. That's probably just me though...

I also wonder if this teacher has suggested any additional and different strategies that might be put in place to help your DS adjust to the classroom structures? When my son was messing around, his teacher was ON HIM! (in a positive way, but very matter of fact about expectations), and I really appreciated the "nip it in the bud" attitude. It's really the teachers job to wonder WHY your son is a bit resistant/distracted. Is he bored? Does he need additional support to understand expectations?

DS's teacher made a visual timetable for him, so he could see that he was expected to "task A", then there would be "another activity", then "free play" or "choice". DS liked being able to see what was going to happen, and responded well.

Teacher also made him a "smiley chart" (which ordinarily I LOATHE but I went with it!), and DS earned a smiley face for each session where expectations were met e.g: I can complete all my work, I can put up my hand if I need to talk/move about the classroom, I can keep my hands and feet to myself (!)

It took about 2 weeks for him to settle down.

NOW: it turned out in our case that there were underlying issues. Namely, extremely mild Asperger's (that without the input of a very intuitive CAMHS worker, may never have been diagnosed), and Dyslexia. I'm not for one minute suggesting your son has these issues, BUT I always think it's worth really probing WHY issues are arising, if they persist that is. Hopefully they won't! Normally, as others have said, it's just 5 year olds. Boys can sometimes be a little less "socialised" at this age as well, it's just down to development.

I'm praying we turn a corner soon. It's such a shame if it's affecting his learning as he is extremely bright, I also don't want him to be causing issues to his classmates learning too.