Violent behaviour in a 2yo

[WordsAreNoUseAtAll]

DD2 is 2 and 4 months. She is lovely, really cute, never stops chatting, very affectionate, very enthusiastic about everything :) She is also very violent.

Out of nowhere, she will hit, pull hair, push and so on. She does flying jump kisses, where you are sat on the floor and get a toddler to the side of the head with a sloppy kiss, but it is just as likely that it will be a book or hard toy. She has made adults bleed a few times now.

4yo DD1 seems to bear the brunt of it (often because she is holding a toy that DD2 wants, but sometimes if she is just there). She has been pushed out of bed in the night, hit full in the face with a hard plastic train (this is very common - happens several times a day to anyone in arms reach of DD2 - she loves trains), pulled off chairs, pushed into my legs when I am cooking, all sorts.

DD2 also throws her food around - when she decides she has finished eating, she will just fling the plate across the room. I wear glasses, and she flings them across the room, then giggles and says "you no glasses on you eyes!"

We keep getting notes from nursery, a pre printed thing where the staff tick the options - it always says she has been hitting, kicking, scratching etc.

Quite often, DD2 will say "Oh dear me, I naughty, I go time out now" and go and sit in a corner, then giggle and run over and do the naughty thing again.

ARGH!

At wits end. We have shut her out of the room, which upsets her, but when I let her back and ask her if she will be kind now, she says no. I have tried picking her up and moving her, but she runs back to hit again. I try to grab her plate when it looks like she will chuck it. If we shout she just shouts back, or cries and hits us.

What can we do? DD1 is a very timid child, so this is new to us. DD2 is only little, and if it was just me I would just ignore in the hipe that she stops it (obviously while learning self defence!) but poor DD1 and the other nursery children can't be expected to put up with it. DD1's lip was bleeding again today, and she just goes back for more every time.

DD2 is so cute and cheeky that people just want to hug her, then she randomly attacks them :(

bump for daytime people... (typing with a sore head from a tiny headbutt)

Have you tried the super nanny style approach? If when moved or in naughty corner, she comes back, keep doing it until she gets understands.
If she is upset when disciplined, then so be it, ride the wave but don't give in otherwise, there will be no incentive to behave well.
Make sure you explain well why certain behaviours are naughty (the behaviour, not the child) and lots of praise when she is doing something well.
Be dead consistent and confident with your approach and do not disagree with your DH in front of her. It might be a bit worse for a bit (she might try to see how far she can can test you) but worthwhile in the long run.
Give her attention for good behaviour and as little as possible for poor behaviour (not ignoring though, just say what was wrong about the behaviour, warn then take action). Whatever you do though, do not slap her (even gently on the wrist or backside). I am probably stating the obvious but HTH.
It is hard work, so goo luck!

Agree with DialMforMummy.

I have no kids, but i use to work in the 2-3 room at my nursery and your post reminds me of a child we cared for last year, she behaved very similar to your dd. She was an only child, so we and the nursery children bared the brute of her anger, she could be as sweet as pie playing so nicely, then she would smack us, hit us, bit us, the children, it would come out of nowhere and she would laugh and think it was hilarious.

Dad would find it funny, and laugh, mum was horrified, the only thing that worked was being consistent, she got the two strikes and your out rules, unless it was a bite and that was straight to timeout, if she hit once she was warned and told why it was wrong and if she did it again what would happen.

Eventually it worked but we really had to stick to it, we actually had to tell dad not to laugh about it as it was really painful and he was just reinforcing the bad behaviour. (dad taught her several swear words which she also repeated at nursery)

hth

Words, I am in your exact boat. DS1 is a lovely happy child of 2.5 years who will, for no obvious reason, attack at the drop of a hat. He used to bite me and my DH, then he moved on to children at nursery (he only goes twice a week, but every single time he went he would bite at least once), but now he concentrates his efforts on poor DS2, 9 months. If I turn my back for even 30 seconds, to wash up or empty the washing machine or something, he'll rush up to DS2 and bite him as hard as he can. This has been going on for weeks now. When it first started we explained to him that he was hurting DS2 and not to do it, and told him off. We tried this for a few weeks, but it did not work. We then tried the naughty step, but he just sat there for the two minutes then came straight back and did it again. We tried this for weeks. We have now decided to try just turning our back on him when he does it and lavishing loads of cuddles and attention on the (screaming) baby. I'm very concerned about what will happen when DS2 starts crawling and I can't keep him with me at all times - he'll be black and blue.

HEEELLLLPPPPP!