DD (4) finds it hard to play with her school friends - how can I help?

[iismum]

My DD (4.5) has always been the playing-along-side, rather than playing-with type. Recently, her nursery friends have started playing together a lot more, and DD seems really keen to join in. She's not excluded - most of the children are kind - but she doesn't seem to know how to join in. For example, on the way to school this morning we saw one of her friends and she was really pleased and ran towards this friend. But then she didn't really know what to do and either hung on to me or ran ahead being a bit silly (e.g., blowing raspberries) and didn't really talk to the friend at all. The friend ended up walking to school hand-in-hand with DS (2). This is very typical behaviour - she gets very excited about playing with friends, but then becomes overcome with shyness when she's with them.

Is there anything I can do to help her learn how to cope with these situations? Are there any books that can help? I know she might just grow out of this, but there are also people who are shy and find it hard to be included throughout their childhood, which is no fun at all.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

My DS is only 2, but I do a lot of 'role playing' with his family of flopsy bunnies to help him learn how to manage certain situations. It does sink in a bit I think...would your DD be too old for something similar, using her favourite toys/dolls?

My DS1 (4.4) is exactly the same. He gets excited but goes a little hysterical when he wants to play. Sometimes he's happy to do his own thing on the sidelines and watch rather than jump in. But when he's in the mood, he tends to get overexcited and not know what to say - sometimes he starts babbling nonsense or says to me what he wants to say to the child. I think he finds it a bit easier playing with younger children as they are less likely to cotton on to his embarrasment. Hopefully he'll catch up by the time he starts school. Think he's getting there in his own way... think I was similar in some ways until I was about 6/7. It's quite frustrating though, isn't it? Cos you know they can say what they want to say but just that they are overwhelmed and maybe a little sensitive...