Two Problems: Nightmare 2 year old and 4 year old sibling "copying" their bad behaviour for attention ...

[Tillyscoutsmum]

I have posted about my DS before. He is 2.2. He is really strong willed. I have absolutely no control him . Every single thing is a major battle.

Getting him in/out of the car seat or buggy can take 20 minutes plus. I try to negotiate/bribe/beg and that doesn't work. He is physically very big and strong and I can not physically force him into the carseat so I have to wait for him to decide he wants to do it. Same goes for nappy changes and dressing/undressing him. Bath/bed times are hellish. It is honestly like wrestling a tiger getting him into his pj's etc. He is very boisterous and destructive with his toys etc. He runs off if we're out. I am utterly exhausted and do not know how to handle him.

Now, to make matters worse, our normally pretty well behaved DD (4.9 years) has almost regressed. She will refuse to do as she is asked (screams "No" at us in the manner of DS at almost every request). I suppose its obvious that she seems DS getting all this attention and wants some of it I don't think she goes without attention but clearly she does ?

I'm just worn out with it all. DS has been such hard work since day 1. DD, in comparison, has been easy. The fact her behaviour is now deteriorating is the final straw

Any advice/thoughts please ?

Sorry for typos

Oh Hun this sounds like my situation apart from the 4 year old! I've had a day from hell with her today she's screamed bitten kicked smacked ect shouting and answering back constantly and she is only 2.2 but as you say very strong willed. I can't answer you tbh I use time out and have asked local children's centre to see us with regards to behaviour tips and management as I'm building up to the point of bursting and have to hold back or I'll smack her and I don't want that. I have posted a couple of times asking for advice but not many answered so I'd say get a couple of books from your library as I did and poss talk to your children's centre as they run triple p and early years courses for behaviour. Keep your chin up x x x

Thanks for your response. It's blardy hard work isn't it ?!

I've tried time out but tbh he absolutely refuses to stay there and there seems to be bugger all I can do to make him. In every situation, I promise myself I'm not going to get cross and shout but invariably, he frustrates me so much that that's exactly what I end up doing :-(

One of my (many, many!) parenting books suggests an alternative to 'time out' which is 'stand and think time'. One of the main differences being that you can physically hold/restrain your child on the 'thinking spot' until they calm down and are ready to apologise/talk. I don't mean restrain in a violent way....just holding/cuddling them on your lap, while sitting in the corner, repeating 'when you are ready to be calm and say sorry then we can go and play' or whatever. As soon as they calm down and apologise or give you a hug or whatever then they are allowed off (rather than keeping them on for a set period of time).

For more verbal children you can ask the following types of questions...

1. Are you ready to be calm now?
2. What did you do wrong?
3. What should you have done instead?

I think the book is The Complete Secrets of Happy Children...

123 Magic also gets a lot of recommendations on here.

Can you get reins for hen you are out and about?

Yes it is hard work! I often think what did i do so bad to deserve it lool we will muddle through tho I have tried holding and been bitten smacked head butted kicked I must say tho she will do time out although she would be there all day tbh I think we have to pick our battles and engage them as much as we can I find she is easier to handle if she feels she's helping or if we go out. I also find my frame of mind has an impact so try to stay as poser rive as you can and don't get to down hearted as things will get better. Hope today has been a better one for you x