My just turned 2 year old DS is going through a hitting stage when he doesn't get his way, usually when he is tired. It's mostly quite 'flappy' (i.e. he swipes at me, rather than properly thumps me) but it's definitely deliberate and he will aim for my face, or my legs if I'm standing up. Thus far, he has 'only' hit me, DH and his godmother, who is my best friend and like a member of the family (she's his favourite person after me and DH).
We currently firmly take his hand, and reinforce that we don't hit - hitting is wrong and that hitting hurts people. If he carries on or doesn't calm down, then we leave the room and ignore him. He then gets very upset and starts screaming "Sorry Mummy/Daddy" and "I want a big cuddle", so then we explain again that hitting is wrong and have a make-up cuddle.
This hitting is worst when he needs a poo. I know when he needs one because he dances or jogs quickly from one foot to the other. He is definitely trying to hold it in, and he gets very upset if I suggest he does/pushes out the poo. He has actually started fibbing - if I ask him brightly "Oh, DS, are you going to do a poo?" and he will start crying and saying "Don't have a poo, don't have a poo".
It has actually got to the point that for the last two weeks, every time he needs a poo, the following happens:
- DS does the 'poo dance'.
- I say, maybe when he's been doing it for a while, "Oh, do you need a poo?", and then DS promptly gets upset and says he doesn't.
- Poo dance continues, and DS gets more and more upset everytime I suggest calmly he does a poo ("pooing is good, you'll feel better afterwards etc etc")
- DS gets so upset he will tantrum and hit me, then I walk/turn away (because he's hit me), and it's only then, when he's really, really upset, that he ends up doing the poo.
- Immediately afterwards the tantrum stops and he fairly calmly announces "I done a poo", and then he gets praise from me (maybe I am overdoing this part?).
He doesn't have constipation - the poo, when it comes, comes out quickly and seems fairly normal/soft. I suspect that one time it hurt him slightly coming out and now he doesn't want to poo in case it's sore.
I really don't know what to do. If I don't give any attention to the pooing, he will actually not do it at all, and then it'll be the next day and he doesn't want to walk anywhere or go out because it's uncomfortable. It seems I have to sort of rile him up into doing the poo. It's so stressful for both of us. There must be a better way?! By the way, we have suggested he do a poo in the potty, but he doesn't want that either (even when tempted with a treat afterwards).
Advice hugely, massively appreciated..........