Should I ever wake up a baby from a nap for a feed?

[frijolitas]

Hi -- this may be a daft question, but my DD is 9 weeks old and really struggles to nap during the day then spends ages screaming because she's overtired. So, understandably, I'm super happy when she does nap as that means she will be less grouchy and I get some peace. However, during the day, she can nap for 3 hours+. Should I wake her up for a feed or leave her? I have heard that during the day, you should not let a baby nap for more than 3 hours as this will affect their ability to sleep at night. I have also been told that sleep = more sleep, so you should never wake a napping baby. So I am confused as to what I should do. DD sleeps well at night (usually 12-13 hours) even though I have been limiting her naps to 3 hours to date so perhaps she's just the kind of baby that needs a lot of sleep? However, I am now wondering whether I should even be waking her up after 3 hours for a feed? (She doesn't wake up herself, but certainly seems hungry enough when I do wake her up for a feed.) I have asked my friends who have babies for advice but their babies don't nap for more than 2 hours during the day, so don't have the same issue as me. Would be super grateful for any advice on this thread!!!!

I personally would wake if they slept too long and would miss a feed.

Depends on how you're intending to bring her up. I was very much baby-led with all mine (i.e. if they woke I fed them, if they cried I fed them, if they cried and had already been fed I wandered around holding them until they fell asleep!) This type of parenting is really hard work as you don't get a minute to yourself, but to me was easier than trying to force a schedule on either myself or the baby for the first 3 months or so.

If DD is feeding well when she wakes, is gaining weight and is alert and doing what she should be then go with the flow. If you don't mind waking at night to feed her (I actually really enjoyed that bit - just me & baby awake and cuddling while the world slept) and if you can get enough sleep yourself night or day, I'd be tempted to allow her to find her own way. Once she's more active during the daytime she'll find a pattern of some sort.

Not a cat in hells chance I'd wake a sleeping baby for a feed - unless they were 'failing to thrive'. Give it a go and if you find the days she sleeps longer she doesn't sleep so well at night, then start waking her. You will find that about every 40 minutes she rouses a little at the end of a sleep cycle - that's the best time to wake them, it shouldn't take much to wake her then and you wont be waking her in the middle of a cycle.

HV told me with 2nd baby not to let them sleep more than 3hrs at a stretch in the daytime as they can get dehydrated and will need more feeds in the night. Wish i'd known this with DS as he would sleep for 5hrs and then come night-time he was up every hour for feeds. I was always told by mum and MIL not to wake babies so didn't do this with DS but obviously this is now out-dated advice

My ds is 4.5 mths old. I have never woken him day or night for a feed, I breast feed. HVs will often give different advice, so use yr judgement. My ds is thriving and has always been so. He sleeps 6 to 9 hours at night, and on average during the day he is awake for 2-3 hrs at a time with a long nap of 3 or 4 hours mid afternoon. Trust yr instincts first. He has sorted himself with a 'routine' of sorts and now we are almost in harmony until the next stage, teething' starts.

My personal rule was not to let them sleep more than 4 hours at a time in the day and as long as they damn well wanted at night :)

ie I let them sleep as long as they wanted at night. I think that came out the opposite...

When my ds was born the Nurses told me I must wake him up but then he went to special care for 2 days, just for observation but they decided tonfeed on demand as he was a sleepy baby and started waking him only when he had slept more than 5 hours. I continued this when I got him home and trust me there was never any problems with his weight.
Apart from about a month of colic he's been very contented and I don't think he would be the same if I had kept waking him and annoying him.

It depends really. When you say she sleeps 12 - 13 hours a night do you mean straight through or does she wake to feed during that time? If waking to feed in the night and you are hoping to reduce those wakes then it may be worth getting her up from day time naps so that you can fit in more day time feeds. Making sure that enough decent feeds are squeezed into the daylight hours can really help to reduce night time wakes / feeds. However if she is already going through the night without feeds then i guess that's not an issue so you might as well let her carry on as she is.

I rarely let any of mine sleep much more than 2 to 2 and a half hours during the day mainly due to wanting to fit in enough well spaced daytime feeds.

I think it's one of those things that is totally up to you. I never let ds go more than 3 hours in the day as I didn't want him making up for it at night!

That all depend on if you want to establish a good routine or have a baby lead lifestyle. Neither one is damaging to baby and is entirely your choice. I personally have twins so decided to set a routine. My girls used to sleep for 4 hours during the day and then 12 hrs at night until they where 2 yrs old. I would definatley wake them for a feed, but time it so that baby can be awake long enough so that he can go to sleep on the next feed again. Thinking back now the routine used be up at about 7 for breakfast feed, nap snack at 10.30, up for lunch at 12, 30nap snack at 2,30 then they would wake at around 3.30/3.45 ish but dinner feed was at 5.30. then bed time milk 7.30 and upto 3 monthsthey would also have a sleepy 11pm feed. I must point out my girls where botle fed and the bed time bottle was hungry baby formula which helped them sleep through the night. I hope this helps. It is a bit of a careful jugling act to make sure they get enough food and sleep and stimulation in one measly 24hr period. Idid have charts every where stipulating exactly what had to happen at which time and it may seem looney but they helped!

interesting debate. With DC1, my approach was "never wake a sleeping baby"... so feeds were totally baby-led, and I'd be dying to sleep but waited for DC1 to wake for feed. Enter DC2... when DC1 had just started school. So had to decide do I let DC2 be fed on demand and risk having to stop and feed her en route to school and be late for DC1... started to wake DC2 to feed before school run, which worked well and led to feeding her before bedtime. OMG, so wish I'd done that first time round..... happier, more relaxed Mum and baby didn't suffer in the least. Your choice, of course but if I had my time again.....

Lilo - yes I missed that bit out. Never wake a sleeping baby - unless it suits you to do so If you have to work around an older childs routine, then waking a younger one is inevitiable really & you do need to work out when they need to feed around nursery/school runs etc and I would dream feed if I wanted to go to sleep.

Your babe will wake when hungry.

My old nan always said Never Wake A Sleeping Baby....when they are sleeping, they are growing

I would never wake a sleeping baby unless it was sleeping for more than three hours - ie sleeping through a feed. In the first few months you want to be feeding them at least every two-three hours during the day - frankly you want to get as much into them as possible if you're bf-ing.

Thanks for all the advice! I'm exclusively BF and DD is gaining weight and seems alert and healthy so far. Other than night time when I have a bath, feed, burp then bed routine (which is working well), my approach otherwise is mainly baby-led which I'm happy to do for now. I say mainly baby-led as I live in London and travel by tube a lot, so will also sometimes wake DD from a nap before getting on a tube if I otherwise can't wait for her to wake up, as I would only ever want to BF on the tube in an emergency! @NellyTheElephant - during the night, she'll have a feed perhaps every 4 hours (once when I go to bed, once during the night, then once more when I wake up) so I've been quite lucky so far and able to sleep during the night. Like TheEpilator, I don't mind waking to feed at night as we co-sleep and I really enjoy the time we have (whilst DH snores quietly in the corner!) and DD is very good at going back to sleep as soon as she's been burped. The advice on this thread all makes sense to me, so I am now definitely happier to abandon the 3-hourly feeding during the day rule (which was impressed upon me by several midwives at the hospital) and leave DD to nap and trust her to wake herself up when she wants a feed. I have to say, I've never left her to nap longer than 3 hours so perhaps if I leave her to it, she will wake up on her own anyway. Hopefully, this won't affect her ability to sleep at night but, if it does, i guess i can always change tack and try having more of a routine during the day. Thanks everyone --- !!