I feel so horrible!Ds possibly depressed.

[goingabroad]

I'm so tearful and I feel really horrible. I think my 8 year old ds is depressed.

I just got a call from his music teacher saying she thinks he's depressed as he seems very demotivated and keeps saying he's rubbish at it.

He's been acting out a lot lately, being very disrespectful, seems like he's getting into trouble on purpose, picks on his sister.

He's had a problem with bed wetting, but then he's never really been dry anyway.

He recently sent me a message asking how he can go to heaven. He had been told off prior to that and I tried to convince myself he was just seeking attention.

I keep blaming myself, I keep asking what I've done wrong and feel like a crap mum.

I'm struggling with the possibility of depression, but I know I need to face it if that's the problem, so we can deal with it early.

I work part time and Dh works full time and is quite busy so doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him, so that might be part of it.

I just don't know where to go from here really. How do I help him. I keep thinking of the precious little baby I brought home from the hospital 8 years ago and I feel I've really let him down.

I feel so sorry for you. I am sure you are not alone and other mumnsetters will answer your post better than I can. I think you should take him to your GP and discuss this, and I am sure there are some organisations which can help you. the charity MIND might be able to guide you towards more information and support, in the meantime, try to give him extra cuddles and reassurance and cook his favorite meal tonight.

My Ds was like this between 8 and 11 mainly and spoke of wanting to die too often for a young child. He was assessed around that time for ASD (many in family) and they referred him to CAMHs. He didn't like going to that and we stopped after a few sessions. He's 13.6 now and I'm not sure he's better, but he is different.

Goingabroad go and speak with your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHs for your little boy. That will be the start in helping him overcome these feelings. Good luck.

The poor guy. You too.

Firstly, i can't diagnose him as depressed abd neither can his teacher. Dont be scared of the label. Your little boy is going through something and you're going to help him through it.

Secondly, don't feel guilty. Some of us are born prone to depression and get it as children. It can be genetic at times- is there a history of it in either family? is your son a sensitive child? If so I ask you to listen carefully and treat him gently. Some children are very sensitive. Other friends, teachers, your family may expect you to be tough with them, not to indulge etc. I disagree. The sensitive ones need encouragement, TLC, a ridiculous amount of patience and space to do things in their own time.

Obviously I think you should seek professional help like a charity that another poster linked to. In the mean time focus on two things: listening to your sons problems & taking them seriously, and giving him coping strategies. Talk through things, listen to his fears, offer him solutions and remind him that you love him. Hug him lots and make sure he's eating well. Some outdoor exercise is essential with low mood/depression. Make plans so he has something to look forward to. Praise every effort, however small. Make sure his room is comfortable and conducive to a good nights rest. Do something as a family maybe at the weekend like a funny movie.

I'm sure you do things like this anyway and you sound like a great mum . Don't want to patronise. Stay calm and remember: no guilt allowed.

Thank you all very much. My heart is just aching! I'll book an appointment with the gp. We've been trying to talk to him and just plan to spend much more time with him.

My dd1 is 9 and been depressed and very anxious for about 6 months. We have been to see camhs service and they are referring to art therapy and CBT.
She has a dx of ASD too, which means she was ready in the system.
Please don't be too hard on yourself, it's a hard age any ways and some just find it harder than others And need a helping hand.

Oh gosh, your post brought a tear to my eye. The journey never ends does it? I can only send sympathy and say please speak to someone at school as well as your GP. There must be a special needs dept who can help and maybe o a referral to a learning mentor or counsellor in school or with the local authority(if he's in a state school) I would also ask his other teachers what they think and see how he is (you only mention music teacher but maybe youvealready done this). Good luck and try your best not to feel guilty. It's hard to find solutions and see answers when we focus on our guilt. You are obviously a VERY caring mum.

Ds went through a similar phase round age 10. We had him seen by a CAHMS counsellor who did not diagnose him as having full blown depression, but did think he would benefit from a few counselling sessions. Fortunately, he took to the counsellor and improved visibly after the first few sessions. I think what she did was suggest a few ways for him to handle negative thoughts. There were quite a few things going on in the family, mainly regarding his sister's health, and he just needed ways of coping.

I think depression is a very strong word for someone so young,I think also we have a picture in our minds of what we envisage a childhood to be ......windy days and kite flying,children with flushed cheeks,picnics on sunny days and splashing in puddles......reality strikes and i think some children pick up on this 'harshness' of life before they can really understand it and work it through in their minds.

Please seek some help for your dc, but dont blame yourself,its a time thing,its a hill you can climb you can and will get over this,perhaps your ds would be helped by poetry/music/art or perhaps when its summer and theres sun the mood will lift - being a child is difficult these days theres so many pressures even things that are supposed to be fun,can cause problems - my ds3 got wound up trying to beat a score in 'tetris' - nobody dies,its a game you either enjoy it or leave it be.

My ds1 was depressed in fact the Dr suggested removing him from school and he had a tutor ( a teacher bullied him) but he got over it and hes now at uni and doesnt remember the sad little boy as clearly as i do.

Going Abroad - My son when went through similar problems he was 10 years old when it started we visited everyone no-one could really help, until we found a Dr Samuel Stein who is the countries leading expert and bingo he diagnosed a slight aspergers. The doctor described to me and my son how he thought he was feeling and that it wasnt depression. Now 14 still under the watchful eye of the Dr he lives a happy normal life occasionally having difficulty at school which is addressed every now and then. I dont know where you live, he is based in Bedfordshire, he really is a miracle worker hope this helps, if you want to know anymore details private message me thanks