How long do you consider it is ok to leave your 3 year old? Is 2.5 weeks too long?

[PJ79]

Help I need advice! My DS will be 3 next July, and I have been asked for work to go on a trip 2.5 weeks long that July. DS would be home with DH who also works full time as do I, (and doting Nannie possibly would help look after him too). Will this cause abandonment issues?
I haven't left him for more than 1 night until this weekend, when we left him with Nannie for 2 nights.
How long is okay? I am sure I will miss him like crazy but will he be affected long term - I am struggling with full time work and responsibilities and mummy responsibilities. Any advice or thoughts gratefully received... Thank you

I think your DH is key to this. I know lots of people are saying "well fathers go away a lot" and that's absolutely true, but by definition, those fathers are rarely the main caregiver, so I think for this case we need to put that angle aside, and say how would we expect a child to react if the main caregiver goes away for 2 weeks+

Anyway, I would say go, but conditional on between now and then, really working on your DH's confidence with DS/ ability to be sole carer. Does he usually do the evening routine, for example? Does he get his breakfast? If not, he needs to start so that he's actively involved with him when you're away and not just leaving everything to the nanny. Is there something they can do on weekend mornings as a regular thing? Dh takes DS to mini-soccer Saturday mornings and out with another couple of dads and their kids to the park on Sunday mornings and it's actually really nice for them to have a bit of boy time (and for me so I can chill out a bit). He works long hours in the week, so I see this as pretty critical to their relationship.

If one parent is there, then fine....not quite the same with GP's though as they and my dsis will attest to after a truly hideous 10 days with her ds aged 18 months. He was almost silent by the time dsis and dbil came back. It's different if you have no choice but they went on an 'adults' holiday and regretted it.

I went home to NZ for 3 weeks for my brothers wedding when DS was 3.5yrs, DH took the time off work as I'm a SAHM so no childcare in place. They did fine together! I believe there were a lot of freezer to oven meals but hey ho didnt matter for a few weeks :) my pre school mum friends were great and included them in playdates, we used FaceTime on the iPhone a lot - will you be able to use the satellite phone regularly?

I personally wouldn't go away for extended periods on a regular basis but a few weeks each year shouldn't be too upsetting IMO xx

I am a nanny whose boss has to go away a lot for work, My charge is used to it and shows no averse reaction to his parent being away for long periods of time.

:)

He's going to be with your DH, which is definitely positive and better than being left without either of you. Three years old is old enough to understand that someone is coming back (DH goes away for a week sometimes for work and nearly-3yo dd knows that it's for a certain number of days and then he'll be back). You say 'next' July - you mean 2013?

I would say there are several things you can do in the meantime to minimise the effect:

1. DH needs to book as much holiday as he can for that period.
2. You need to go away (even if just to a friend's) for a couple of nights so that your DH starts to get a handle on being the sole carer and how he's going to manage it and DS starts getting used to being looked after by Daddy. Do this a couple of times if you can.
3. Start talking about the passage of time, days of the week and so on, so he starts to understand that nights mean a new day - when you go away he can have a special calendar to cross off or tear off so he can 'see' the time passing.
4. Presents when you return are by no means essential but you will probably enjoy buying them.
5. Talk to him about where you're going, find pictures if you can so he has an image to visualise.

Skype and phonecalls are great. I think he'll be fine.