Wdyd when parents disagree on discipline?

[LaTristesse]

Basically our sticking point is smacking: I refuse to, DH is agreeing for now but still threatens it. He also smacks toys as part of play ('naughty bear, smack his bottom' type stuff).
DS is just 2 and I know that for discipline to be effective DH and I need to have a unified and consistent approach, but I can't get DH to see that smacking toys is undermining the no smacking message, or even to agree not to smack (yesterday he said 'I've just smacked him because he bit me').
What would you do? DH is a stubborn bugger and I stand little chance of convincing him, but I don't want DS to get mixed messages, or for DH's approach to undermine mine...
Ideas / thoughts anyone...?

Smack him.

I'm kidding of course, but you must feel like it at times.

I don't smack, and wouldn't be at all happy if my dh did or wanted to.

DH was pro-smacking before we had kids. I always said, "If you want to hit the children you'll have to hit me first". Luckily he changed his views as soon as the DC were born. But it was non-negotiable for me.

I'm not a smacker (it's actually illegal to smack a child in NZ), but I agree you do need to be consistent and respect your DH's views on this. Perhaps a compromise is for both of you to only ever use a light smack on the back of the hand? Or something?

A 2-year old might respond better to a light smack than something more intellectual, like the naughty step or time out.... (please don't hate me for suggesting it!)

What to do when parents disagree on discipline - I would put my foot down and insist it was done my way or you could try talking it through properly. Not just saying 'we wont be doing x' or 'we will be doing y' but really talking about why you think certain ways to discipline are better or worse, acceptable to you or unacceptable to you etc. Of course you need to do this when it's not 'an issue'!

I'm a 70's child - I don't see the occasional smack as the highway to hell.

Dp smacks, a light tap not belting or anything. I did it once, never again, I reason. DD is five and just understands we do things differently. We never interfere when she is being told off, whoever gets there first disciplines in their way.

DH went through a very short phase of tapping DS's hand lightly, but stopped immediately when I told him it had led to DS trying to smack me when he disapproved of something I was doing! I think that's a fairly natural consequence of teaching children that the way you show someone that they've done wrong is to hit out at them.

Good point, Fetchez. I hadn't thought of that.

Thanks for the replies ladies...

Interesting to read that a child can adjust to parents doing things differently from each other. I think i may have to accept that's the way things are going to be in our household, as long as it doesn't make Daddy look like a bully and Mummy like a pushover.

Fetchez that was one of the first things I said to DH when this all started, but seems to have had no effect.

I like the thought of having a proper conversation around it Chipping, but I'm coming from an informed point of view, having read a lot about it, talked to lots of folk about it and spending all day with DS, while DH is completely the opposite. Naturally I feel this gives me a better insight into the issue, and I get frustrated with his apparently ignorant approach! I'll give it another go- we'll have 2 of them soon, so it's something that does need resolving!

The thing is you need to ask yourself is why do you not smack? Is it because you don't want your child to be hurt unnecassarily? Or because it doesn't work?

And why is it ok for someone else to smack your child? Yes it's your DH but can your mum smack? Your MIL?

Same for other methods of discipline.

Dh and I try and agree on discipline to avoid undermining each other. So if DS misbehaves, we warn then remove the toy/him etc. We talk a lot (when we have time!) about parenting DS (and DD but she's only 3 months) because we both want to do it the same way.