DS2 is 18mo with a 4.5yo big brother. DS2 has recently started behaving badly in a slightly more challenging fashion. His main trick is pulling hair, right at the roots and not letting go. He also snatches a lot and shoves other children.
I'm sure part of it is that he sees DS1 and his friends being quite physical with each other (DS2 loves nothing better than a pile-on/bundle) and doesn't appreciate that you can't do that with smaller kids. He has a friend who is just 1yo and he really loves her, races over to her to give her a cuddle but more often than not he tackles her to the ground and gives her a good hair pull to round things off.
I'm completely unprepared for this behaviour - DS1 never did any of this, was always on the receiving end (and I was the mum being all snooty about the pushy kids) so although I've been through this stage once before I don't feel like I know how to deal with it.
Currently, we say a very firm 'NO' to the behaviour, extract the victim's hair from DS2's grip and remove him from the situation, often putting him in a corner away from other kids. We tend to make a fuss of the victim, and when DS2 comes back over we tell him to be gentle and kind, show him how to stroke gently. I think he knows what to do as he often does these things before we ask him, so it's not that he doesn't understand not to behave like this it's just that he can't help himself.
Can anyone offer any advice? I feel awful for the kids/parents he does this to (I always apologise for his behaviour). I'm beginning to think we can't go to toddler groups anymore as I spend the entire time telling him off and hearing other people's children wail and/or back away from my son in terror.