Constant battle with 3yo. He will grow out of it eventually, won't he?!

[threeleftfeet]

Everything is a battle with 3yo DS. He's very strong willed, he's constantly pushing boundaries. When he doesn't get his own way, he can lash out - he hits, kicks, he's knocked out one of DP's teeth!

Actually a lot of the time he is absolutely lovely. But I'm unwell atm, DP is too, today's been a particularly tiring day and I'm at the end of my tether!

Also I'm always the preferred parent, he often throws a fit if his dad puts him to bed / bathes him etc. This puts pressure on both of us.

Please tell me he'll grow out of it?!

Or am I doing something wrong?

3 year olds are a nightmare - its normal.

However you can learn to deal with it more effectively so its easier (not easy mind easier) so its not as stressful for you.

I liked how to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk this one

What worked to keep me relatively sane was to have somewhere safe to put the child (e.g. a bedroom) for 5 minutes so you can both calm down, learn how to restrain them so they can't hurt you (not as scary as it sounds) - sit of the floor, hold their legs with yours if necessary, wrap an arm round them holding theirs down and use the other to prevent them from headbutting you.

Speak to them as you want them to speak to you (we all have bad days so no one is going to be 100% on this), demonstrate how you manage to control your temper (I am going outside for 5 minutes to calm down or similar).

Offer them a choice of 2 things - but make sure it is a real choice i.e. you are happy for him to pick either choice. Use it for things you know he is likely to kick off about e.g. getting dressed. We don't say 'lets get dressed' we say 'which do you want the red top or the blue'.

Decide what's worth having a battle over and what isn't. You don't want to be constantly telling him off (not fun for either of you) so decide what you can let slide.

Always follow through no matter how difficult. It will be worse if you don't.

Oh yes we have well and truly entered this stage with my 2yo, like you say every tiny thing is a battle and it's exhausting. He wants every toy his brother even touches, he will punch and kick to get his point across, he does all the toddler standbyes, going floppy when you try to pick him up, going stiff when you try to get him in the push chair.

He is also going through a delightful spitting phase , he is very argumentative for a 2yo, whatever you say to him, say "ds2 hurry up please" he will counter with "no you hurry up" , repeat for everything.

Just be consistent and don't give in to his toddler iron will, it will pass, it really will, they do get a lot more reasonable as they get older. My 5 and 8 yo's are still a pita sometimes, but at least they can have a sensible conversation.

Good luck and chin up, my ds2 prefers me too, I find leaving him alone with Dp is a good thing, then he doesn't have the Mummy option, also don't give in when he insists on you doing things.

Yes, he will. Yes, it's normal. Yes, it's bloomin' tiring!!! Firm boundaries recommended. Discipline is easier if both parents are consistent and you can remain calm and kind when he doesn't. Don't let it escalate (easier said than done sometimes) and have somewhere to put him/you for time out- for us DD has to go to her room (don't like naughty step). I would have zero tolerance on the hitting etc.

Oh yes - he'll grow out of it. My dd is 3 and 3/4 and is just growing out of it now. It was a TOUGH year!

Star charts work. Nothing fancy, I just had one drawn in the back page of my diary and carried it around with me. Also, tiredness is a big factor. I put her to bed at 6.30pm, made a massive difference. Also, you need to catch the bad behaviour / tantrum RIGHT at the beginning or it's just not worth it - nothing will work.

My dd is a mummy fan too, dad just won't cut it - "I want my MUMMY" has been a constant theme of the past year.

But now, about a month ago (and 4 in June), suddenly has got better. Thank God.

Although now she claims she's Simba and so insists upon eating food from a bowl on the floor and sleeping on her mattress on the floor because lions don't sleep in beds. This, I can cope with!

Good luck!

Thanks everyone. It just seems really hard right now! Your words are really encouraging I appreciate it :)

DS was such an easy baby. But ever since he's been mobile / vocal enough to express his will it's become clear that will is very strong indeed!

mamayaya that's very sweet about your DD being Simba .
DS also has a range of alternate personalities (a pirate / baby rabbit / dragon / etc) and you have to address him by the correct one if you want a remote chance of him cooperating without fuss!

We do time out with him, on the landing outside the front room. The other rooms are too far away (upstairs) to be usable.

Sometimes he seems to be there a lot! I agree about letting things slide sometimes but not violence. Today there was a lot of hitting / kicking / throwing things. He's big and very strong for his age and I worry we haven't nipped this in the bud soon enough.

DP and I are exhausted! I've always wanted to have another, but at this rate DP will never agree!

I remember reading on mumsnet a while back, it's the terrible 2s but the fucking 3s! I've not forgotten that

TheArmadillo thanks for the book recommendation I'll have a look :)