Sensible people, please help give me some perspective on survivng toddlerdom!

[InspectorGadget]

That's it, in a nutshell. I have a 2.5 year old DS and an 11 month old DD and I'm finding things incredibly tough at the moment. Am finding some of DS's behaviours really difficult to deal with, I have no idea how to control him and actually if it is always necessary to control him. The things that are particulalry vexing me at the moment are:

1. Being too rough with his sister. Pushing her over, dragging her along the floor, rolling over on top of her etc etc.
2. Absconding. Running away, at great speed I might add, at every opportunity. Looking behind himself every so often and laughing in absolute joy at his own funniness at making mummy lumber after him screaming like a fish wife.
3. Clearing the decks after he's finished eating. Everything not attached to table with nails (which would be, well, everything) swept onto the floor, again this is a fun game and causes much hilarity.

I've tried 'planned ignoring', sending him to 'quiet time' (a namby pamby version of time out, have yet to find anywhere appropriate to send him for a time out), shouting like a fish wife (I do this a lot :(), confiscating toys etc etc. None of which has had much of an impact. Am fairly sure that it is my handling of these situations that is at fault, rather than his actual behaviour. He is just a boisterous wee toddler, full of his own self importance, exploring the world and pushing his boundaries, right? Am hoping that some sensible toddler survivers might be able to give me some persepctive back. Am so fearful of doing the wrong thing in my parenting decisions and ending up with a 6 year old with the same behaviours. And am so bloody tired all the time, my house is a shit tip, my hubby is knackered and we nitpick at each other a lot, neither of us has any family or support nearby, it's just the two of us. Maybe I just need to take a chill pill?

OK deep breath, are you ready for the revelation.... NOT YOUR FAULT

Give yourself a break, he is a toddler and yes he does sound like a little monkey (exactly like mine in fact) but he is not (or you have not told us) hitting, spitting, destroying (purposly breaking) his things so it could be worse (unless he is doing these things then it is worse).

Can I ask is he getting some of his own time with you because it does sound like he is looking for your attention, but in the very wrong way, it is important at this time when his entire world revolves around himself, that he has time each day with your undivided attention, uninterupted, to talk, read, play where you can reinforce that you love him very much and that the little intruder (your dd) is very important to him and he needs to learn to share and play nicely, but that he can still have you to himself as well.

I have a 2.4 year old and a 7 month old and your first two points are things I'm struggling with too so totally sympathise.

Unfortunately I don't have any magic answers!

I don't see the point of even attempting timeout or confiscating toys because this is meaningless to him. I have made halfhearted attempts at the naughty step but it didn't take.

The only thing that really really stresses me out is the running off thing because my DS just does not know when to stop and has absolutely no road sense whatsoever (not surprisingly) also that i have to abandon the baby in his buggy to go racing off like loon after giggling boy. I actually smacked his legs when he did it over the snow the other week, i almost never do that! I will watch this thread to see if anyone has a solution to that. I know reins are an option but they actually don't teach them not to run away...

I also have two older DC so can reassure you that once your DS goes to nursery a couple of mornings a week things do start to change, even if it just that you get a couple of hours breathing space.

I also agree with making sure he gets special mummy time every day.

If all else fails keep reminding yourself that this stage will not last forever and will soon be a distant memory and you may even find yourself missing these simple times .

My DD did the running off thing a lot - looking back laughing as she ran - often out into a road. Have to confess the thing I tried eventually, and that really did work was giving her a sharp slap on the leg each time - she must have done it douzens of times before I tried it, but only had to do it 2 or 3 times and she stopped. Never wanted to smack a child, and never had to smack my DS as he was always so easy-going, but faced with the urgent need to keep her safe and put an end to the running off I resorted to it, and wouldn't with hindsight say I regret it. It worked.

Where does he go for "quiet time"? - would suggest it needs to be outside of the room where everyone else is to work. With sweeping his plate, etc onto the floor - would suggest removing him from the room first, and then sorting out the mess, so that he doesn't get to enjoy watching you clear it up.

And yes, of course, as much quality time with him as you can manage, make the most of the times when DD is asleep, see if you can swap on or other DC with a friend for odd times, etc so that he gets lots of attention for good things.

I have a 2.10yr old and 17month old boys.

Running: I know sometimes this might not be possible, but if it is, DO NOT chase. This turned it into a game for my ds1 and just made him run faster and further. I started ignoring him when he ran and it was then boring. He would come back and I would give him lots of praise and maybe a chocolate button that I kept stashed in my pocket When out walking, I would set a 5 min timer on my phone, if he stayed holding the pram or by my side until the timer went, I would give him a sticker. (He LOVES stickers*). Obviously you have to make them want to stay with you so singing with him, pointing out things etc, basically keep being with you interesting. Then move onto 10min timer. Now he gets a sticker after the end of each particular journey. So, we're off to the shops, then the park then home. Sticker once at shop, then sticker once at park then sticker once home. (this sounds more like dog training doesn't it, but I was new to this, I wasn't sure what I was doing but hey, it worked )

Plates: Sorry stickers again. I asked him to, when he had finished dinner to put his plate on the side next to the sink. Gave a sticker and "oh thank-you ds. That's so helpful. You're such a good boy helping mummy" for every time he did it until he was doing it every meal.

Then we got a dishwasher and ds loves loading/unloading. Now he scrapes his food into the bin and puts his plate in the dishwasher.

*Replace sticker for whatever your ds loves.

He will get getter honest.

Oh and please can I recommend 123 Magic

I didn't know about this when dishing out stickers so if that's not for you try this. We use this almost all the time now and it worked pretty much straight away. It's a very simple concept but it means younger children pick it up quicker.

I only have to say "One" now and ds does what he's been asked.

It also helps to stop those awful fishwife moments. Which I'm pretty sure we're all guilty of at one time or another.