Two boys less than 15 months apart...end of tether!

[Daisy75]

Help needed. Bit long, sorry!

My DSs are 4.5 and just over 5.5. They are good at school and nursery and I am always being told how lovely they are, how polite etc.... so what on earth happens the minute they walk through my door?
They don't often argue, for which I am grateful, but spend their waking hours whipping each other into a frenzy. I feel as though I am on a permenant play date - but not the fun bits! The constant tearing around, egging each other on to get into mischief, destruction of toys and surroundings.
Meal times are just so stressful with silly behaviour - gurgling into cups, trumping and burping, getting up and down, sliding about on seats... as I write it sounds so trivial but it's wearing me down. Lovely meals which are devoured in seconds, then burped up and giggled over.
Bathtime is a war zone and we had a trip to casualty a week ago where one cracked his head open charging into a bookshelf.
I certainly can't take them shopping.
Day outs exhaust us all.

It seems all I am doing is saying no, stop, listen, slow down and it exhausts me.
Goodness knows what the constant nagging is doing to them.

I am one of 4 sisters. My mum says she doesn't know how my boys' behaviour got to this stage. My stepmother looks on in horror. I am on edge every time either visits. The only person who seems to understand is my dear MIL, who also raised boys.

Up until now I have thought it just because I have spirited boys, and I think I haven't been too hard on them which of course leaves me with the worry that I have left discipline too late. I feel that I have created these monsters and now have no idea where to start to instil discipline. In fact i'd settle for even a tiny bit of calmness.

I dread seeing my SIL and her perfectly behaved children (also boys but 4 years apart and raised strictly) but feel I only have self to blame.

Where do I start?

Do you punish them at all or just nag? If you are only nagging then they probably won't take any notice of you as they know there are no consequences. I have boys who are 4,5 and 6, also a girl who is 5 and yes it does get noisy and they do run riot sometimes but not to the degree you are describing.

I had 2 boys 2 years apart.

Very lively, very spirited etc.

They used to fight a lot too.

What I found helped me:

Very clear, consistant house rules, enforced with no exceptions. These have to be explained clearly and ALWAYS followed.

If they have separate rooms, this really helps. Any bad behaviour gets one warning, then removal to his own room until ready to behave nicely. Even if this means missing a meal or eating it cold.

An easily manageable drink and snack the minute they come out of school.

A run round outside before coming into the house after school.

Small jobs to do at opposite ends of the house to earn rewards.

Sticker charts or star trees (you put pictures of a treat or something they are saving for at the top of the picture of the tree, then they earn starts to be stuck on from the lower branches upwards. When they reach the top they have earned the treat. Bad behaviour loses a star, good behaviour earns one).

Loads of fresh air and exercise.

Plenty of sleep and a minimum of one hour winding down time before bed, which should be before 7.30 pm, IMO, at this age.

Story or music CDs are very calming.

Internet shopping is a Godsend. (When mine were small there was no such thing).

Think of small boys as puppies. It helps.

start by not blaming yourself. I have 2 boys, 17 months apart. They are now 10 and 8, they are either behaving like tigers or best of friends and i am the common enemy. My MIL who raised 4 boys, says its all perfectly normal and comes out in the wash ( all 4 brothers are well mannered, polite gentlemen who are the best of friends). She also said that before you ask them to stop something or try to lay down the law ask yourself first "whats the worst that can happen if this continues". Usually its not much so save your battles for when it really matters.

Punishment escalates: Naughty step/sent to rooms/TV banished. But I just don't see how I can punish for every little thing.. or is that the problem?!
I do know I am not consistent enough - but that's hard to do when I am working and on three afternoons someone else (MIL) is responsible for their discipline.

Personally I think they are too old for naughty step.

They are old enough to understand that MIL's rules might be different, and that you still expect your rules to be followed when they are in your care.

My MIL was hopeless with my boys. I was more strict, but guess who they have more respect for now?

I agree on the naughty step but to be honest its as much to give me some distance as them!

As for MIL, she devotes 100% of her attention to them the entire time she is with them, which she can do as there are no meals to cook, calls to make, jobs to do. I think she rarely has to discipline and if I am honest, tends to give in if it comes to the crunch, which OH has spoken to her about in the past.
I think OH and I need to form a battle plan and ensure we are all working on the same strategy!

And you are right - they are just like puppies!