Anti-social toddler

[koonelly]

Hi, i really worried about my 3y old son, he doen't like other little children! I have 3 older boys, he loves playing with them or their friends, but anybody his own age he just either shies away from or lashes out at if they invade his personal space. Unfortunately we never really went to any mother and toddler groups when he was small so he just does not seem to know how to relate to other toddlers. He started playgroup in sept and initially found separation from me difficult, this has now settled down but he still doen't even like sitting with the other children. I now have more time so am taking him out to toddler groups and playgrouds as much as possible but he doesn't seem to be getting any better. Has anybody else experienced anything like this or have any advice please?

Hi,

Our 2 year old son is quite similar - he's a bit up and down when it comes to interacting with other children his age and he does go to quite a few groups and has been to nursery. Sometimes he's fine, but other times will either hit out at other children, or take himself off and go somewhere on his own. Last week dp took him to a singing-type group thing and all the parents and children were sat on the floor in a circle, and ds took himself off and sat on a chair at the back all on his own..! He also finds older children - 6 - 7 + much more interesting and always wants to go and play near them/on the bigger children's stuff in playgrounds.

It's tricky to know how to go about doing anything about it - I just think it's his personality - he likes his own space and isn't particularly sociable with other little ones. The only thing we worry about is when he hits out, but that's reducing as we keep re-inforcing that it's naughty.

So, no advice - just try not to worry - they're all different and maybe the fact that your ds has got older siblings means he's just not interested at the moment in children his own age - it'll probably change when he starts going to school and interacts with his peer group on a daily basis.

Well, he won't have to associate with toddlers for long - in a couple of years he'll be a boy anyway, so at least it's a time-limited problem. I think toddlers do tend to behave like territorial animals together anyway rather than play together.

If you think about it, there are just as many adults who prefer a more introverted approach to interacting with people, as those who are more extroverted. It stands to reason therefore that there are going to be children who prefer each approach too.

My neice is quite similar - very independent minded, and not that interested in having little 'friends'. The exception seems to be with my dd - it's almost as though she knows that her relatives are somehow different. She is a bright and socially skilled child, but just chooses who she's social with. I wouldn't be unduely concerned, unless you feel that there's perhaps more to your son's behaviour than merely being more introverted than some of his peers.

I was like your son when I was a child! I prefered older children and if I had a choice I wanted to be with grown ups. I am very sensitive and have always been and I remember finding other children too eager and quick, not giving me space to adjust and get used to things. I would rather watch and enjoyed watching the other children play as long as I was not forced to take part since it made me feel vulnerable. All my life I have prefered having older friends and I still do! As long as your son wants to interact with some people, I would not worry.
Teaching him to not to hit other children however
seems like a good idea. Maybe he will find them easier to tolerate once he can trust that he does not have to play with them or even like them, but just treat them fairly.