How can I get 19 month old to use his spoon?

[Spearshake]

I am trying to get my 19 month old son to feed himself, mostly because his nursery have been on at me to do this. The first few days were successful enough; I loaded a spoon and handed it to him, he did the rest. Great! Then, yesterday morning, my husband forgot that he was supposed to feeding himself - he fed him a spoonful, and baby had a huge melt-down when my husband stopped. I have had 2 bad mornings where he didn't eat and cried, and another massive fit this evening. It is making me think : "Should I just go back to feeding him myself?"

BTW : he uses hands and spoons at the nursery, it just seems to be at home that he protests.

23mo DD doesn't really bother with a spoon. If I pre-load it she might use it, if I give her one to feed herself then generally she brandishes the spoon in her right hand and eats whatever it is with her left.

Why do nursery think he needs to use a spoon now?

What does your DD use? Her hands? So, a more BLW approach? My son won't use his hands, unless it is finger food.

I might go back to the old 2-spoon feeding technique. I am just reluctant to go back to feeding him myself. But, maybe he is just not ready to start feeding himself. What kind of age does this happen? (I mean with spoon, rather than with hands)

Re nursery, I suspect they would like him to feed himself as it is easier. Or maybe, it is a developmental issue...?

My problem seems to be that he is fine at nursery; ie he feeds himself, but at home he wants me to feed him!

Yes, her hands

It's not developmental, some children don't use a spoon or fork until they're older - your nursery should appreciate this rather than putting pressure on to get your son to do something before he's ready

I disagree, 19 months is old enough to learn to use a spoon. Babies don't always do things when "they're ready", we as parents have to teach them how. That's our job....

Suggestions:

• pre-load the spoon (as you have been doing); load one while your toddler uses the other;
• let him 'feed' you
• sit at the table and eat something yourself, while he's eating, so he can observe
• have the highchair at the table when the rest of the family is eating.

HTH

kiwi please come and teach my DD then, as my attempts have failed

My DD has been using a spoon since about 10 months with varying degrees of success. She started early largely because she has never let me spoon feed her and will throw a massive strop if I touch the spoon. She's 19 months now and is quite good with a spoon and fork but still resorts to her hands when she can't eat fast enough with utensils.

I think if your DS doesn't have any other development issues then it would be wrong to force the issue but I would just keep giving him a spoon at very meal and trying to make a game of using it. i.e. using the spoon to stir his food, see who can pick up the most stuff with the spoon, feed each other etc.

my 2 got on better with a fork to start with and liked stabbing food with it. Maybe try a fork alongside a spoon and see if the novelty of a different piece of cutlery helps.

p.s. i still have to remind my 5 year old to use his fork rather than his fingers!

What I find frustrating is that there are no problems at the nursery at feeding time, only at home

I decided this morning to ease up a bit and give him a helping hand, load and hand him the spoon. He does the rest. (a month ago he wouldn't hold the spoon, so surely this is progress)

We had a quieter morning, although twice he threw the spoon at me when he wanted more and I wasn't going fast enough sigh

Seona1973, I like the fork idea - will give it a try.

I think all kids like eating their with their hands. And, let's face it - in many cultures, that is how you eat.

We had a lot of curry when we were little, my dad being from India, and he insisted we eat with our hands. If Mumsnet had existed then, he would have been on the forum fretting that we were using a fork to eat our chapatti...

Spearshake in that case have you tried two spoons? One for you to hold ready loaded, one for him to put in his mouth (rather than the two-spoon method you mention in your OP which I am guessing is one for him to hold, one for you to spoon food in with?). Then when he's finished his spoonful, give him the newly loaded spoon and take away the empty one, and so on.

Children at nursery often learn how to use a spoon by observing the other children. This is what both of mine did. My DS was feeding himself with a spoon at 12 months (he was BLW and never spoonfed by me) and DD learnt it at around 15 months (she started nursery later). So I never had to teach them. BUT...they do eat with the spoon and hand at the same time. They will hold the spoon in one hand, and spoon food in and then eat with their fingers with the other hand. My 3yr old still does this. Children like eating with their hands I think.

My 14.5 month old DS will take a loaded spoon but then he'll throw the spoon on the floor ...or at me . This 'phase' has lasted nearly 6 weeks. He loves throwing...

I keep insisting we introduce the spoon but it's so frustrating to keep picking it up after he's chucked it.

Is there anything I can do to stop him? I keep thinking it's never going to end...he'll never stop...

I always let my boys use their hands to eat but I put a folk and spoon down at every meal from 6months old.

Ds1 started eating with a spoon around 18months and a folk a few months later. He still uses his hands though sometimes at 2.10yrs

Ds2 has been using a folk and spoon confidently since about 11months.

What does he do if you just put the food in front of him with a folk and spoon on the side and then sit down with your own dinner? Not loading a spoon up for him?

If he can see you and daddy using cutlery, and especially with watching the other kids at nursery using cutlery, he should start getting interested and maybe trying himself. No harm in him using hands in the meantime. (sorry can't remember what you said about him using hands)

I don't really understand the issue that the nursery have identified? I think mine feeds herself at nursery, and at home she does a bit and then says "help! help!" which is just a way of saying "can I get a bit of attention over here, please?" I think. I find that adding a fork into the mix will raise her level of interest in doing it herself, or offering some adult sized cutlery to have a go with. I'm planning to try a knife soon on the same principle. Perhaps not adult sized.

We did BLW so we've never spoon fed DS. He mostly uses his hands although he can use a spoon a bit at 2.2 y.o.

The eczema nurse said she would expect him to continue at least partially finger feeding until at least age 3 or 4 (DS has eczema on his hands and chewing on his fingers makes it worse).

Gobblygook - I totally understand your frusration with the throwing of the spoon. My little one is also in a throwing phase, although thankfully less than before. I am always torn between, 'STOP throwing your food around' and I should let him because I don't want to stifle his expression.

OK, mostly, I politely ask him if he has finished his dinner, and then remove the food from his tray before it ends up splattered all over the kitchen.

Thank you all for your comments and support. Dinner time is going much better now. I am helping him with his spoon rather than holding it myself, so he is doing most of it.

Priscilla - I am going to eventually try just putting the spoon next to his plate, although I think he will howl and expect me to load the spoon.

All kids are different, but I think doing things in stages makes things easier. I think that's what the tantrums were about - me just expecting him to do it himself.

Let's face it - no one likes change!

my son is the same with throwing everything at the dinner table. I can’t place his plate on his tray because he will throw it straight on the floor I am still trying the 2 spoon method. I’ve just started holding his plate in front of him so he can attempt to use his spoon or fork ( depending on what he is eating depends on weather he has a spoon or fork) going out for food is another nightmare as he just throws his food on the floor. But I do have concerns regarding his eating as he still needs his food cut up very very small and needs it moist and only eats very little amounts. I’ve noticed he prefers liquid over solids so I try to limit is liquid in take before meals so he is not full up on liquid anybody else child the same ? I’ve spoke to the health Vistor who told me to contact the doctor. Spoke to the doctor who told me to get back in touch with the health Vistor. Feel like no one is listening and being passed around