17mo refusing food? Worried sick! (A bit long!)

[CarpeJugulum]

DS has started refusing food (this started on Sunday) and it's worrying me terribly. He's always been a good eater, albeit very specific in his likes and dislikes. I've can't see why, and so if it's okay, I'll give you as much info as possible and maybe someone can help?

Previously, his routine was (these are approximate times when things happened):
Wake: Between 6-7am
Breakfast: Between 7-8am (bottle of milk and 1 weetabix)
Snack: between 9-10am (usually flapjack slice with fruit in)
Nap: between 10-11am
Wake: between 12-1pm
Lunch: between 1-2pm (his main meal)
Snack: about 3.30pm (some sort of fruit or occasionally a biscuit or homemade small cake)
Dinner: 5pm (small meal like beans on toast, scrambled egg etc)
Bed and bath routine at 6.30pm
Asleep by 8 at latest, sleeps through with maybe one waking.

Now everything is still the same, but he's refusing food at lunch. He will maybe pick at a piece of bread and butter and a slice of apple, but any "proper" food is met with a shake of the head and screaming if any food is put in the vicinity of his mouth. He is drinking though, but slightly less than before too. He will also pick at more "junky" food like fish fingers or breaded chicken strips but even then it's maybe half a finger.

He is teething (first molars are already through, so we think it's his second molars that are coming) but this has never caused any issues with food before - and calpol doesn't seem to be helping.

I have no idea what to do, and just feel like crying - please help me!

Don't worry!

I know thats really hard. But unless he is showing any other signs of illness, then just relax. The more he sees it affecting you, the more likely it is to become a battleground. My 19mo DS has weeks like this, always followed by one or more teeth appearing. We just let him eat as much/little as he wants to.

From your post it sounds like he is eating every meal/snack except lunch - maybe that's when his teeth hurt most (for DS it is worst in the morning). So he is still eating a fair amount and won't starve, honest

No other signs of illness, so far at least.

It's more the fact that when he does deign to eat, he will refuse point blank to eat decent food - for example today was pasta with a bacon,onion,carrot and tomato sauce which he adores; it was turned down with screaming almost to the point of being sick .

I know he was hungry because he didn't want any lunch (which I tried to be relaxed about) before we went out to soft play to try to knacker him and stimulate appetite. He was looking for food on the way home, so he got some carrot sticks to chew on, but then just refused his "proper food".

He's now eating fish fingers and cucumber and carrot sticks, but I'm at my wits end as to how to get him to eat. All his favourites have been rejected - fish pie, bolognese, home made pizza fingers. It's "junky" food he wants and I'm so so scared he's going to end up with food issues if I don't tackle it now.

I do try to eat with him at lunch time, but his dinner is so early (4pm now) that dinner is on his own with me beside him helping (obviously apart from now!).

It just feels like I've got it wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.

Oh, and I forgot to say for replying so quickly. I wasn't sure anyone would bother to read my epic.

I think it must be his teeth bothering him cos my DD is also being like this, and is also currently cutting her 2nd pair of molars. Like your DS she has never really suffered that much with her teeth, but apparently the molars are a lot worse.

Anyway, she has rejected grapes for about a week now (previously a firm favourite), she will not be spoon fed any breakfast at all (just screams when the spoon come near her), and like your DS is choosing junk over stuff like fruit that used to be her favourite.

I'm trying not to react when she doesn't eat something, and just keep offering her stuff hoping that the phase will end soon.

Oh thank god it's not just us then! (although sorry you're going through it too!)

I just assumed that because his front teeth and first set of molars were okay that this wouldn't be an issue, but apparently I'm wrong.

It's really hard to cope when the lovely, perfectly balance meal cooked with love is rejected in favour of fish fingers or chicken strips. All accompanied by full scale screaming and tantrums.

Ah well, will try Calpol/Calprofen a bit more regularly tomorrow and see if that helps.

Thanks again for the advice!

Oh I know how you feel!! Just out of interest is it the top molars he's cutting?

But difficult to tell, but based on where he's refusing to let me brush, I do think it's the top that are causing issues.

Take it that's your DD's set too?

Hmm could e many things.
My ds (nearly 15mo) has been off food a lot recently, due to teething, illness etc.
Also for the last few weeks if I try to feed him he will more often than not refuse and gt very upset, as if he is not hungry (while gazing longingly at the food). Have realised it is because he wants to feed himself. So if He refuses, I will load up the spoon/fork and hand to him or put on high hair tray. More often than not he will then wolf the meal down.
This age is a very fussy age with food as afaik taste buds are developing so food which once they loved taste different so they have to get used to them all over again.

Oh my just 18mo DS is doing exactly this at the moment. Will eat junk and milk. Refusing all his previously beloved, healthy favorites. I think he is teething too.

I am just putting it down to being a toddler and not worrying. I keep offering him his 'proper' food and keeping 'junk' strictly limited (once a week or so- for convenience for me more than anything else, he had chicken strips tonight because we were out all afternoon). They will not let themselves starve!

I have found that he's waking up hungry in the night if he has eaten absolutely no dinner and then I am supplementing him a bottle of milk. That is a little bit against my better judgement but I am clinging to the idea that he will revert to good daytime eating naturally and drop it again...

They do this, they have days in end where they seemingly hardly eat. Then bham... They scoff everything in site.

Hang in there.

My DS is now 22 months and the last six months have been pretty atrocious with his fussiness. He was great before that and in recent weeks he's been very good again, I think it's just a phase they go through.

Things that helped me a lot:

• Realising that just because he previously loved something, doesn't mean he can't get bored with it! I started making all new things for us and that piqued his interest again.

• Changing things up, giving him a challenge: I would give him his food on a normal small plate instead of his children's plate, or let him experiment with my fork instead of his small one. We also moved him from his highchair to a regular chair, that helped loads. At this age they want to be more like you and also try new things.

*Eating together: it sounds like you can't do this, but we eat together at 6.30 and he still goes to bed at 8.

And mostly trying to relax. Because we're in France DS sees a pediatrician every couple months now when he has his shots (I know right?) and we would always ask if his weight was okay, explain he wasn't eating, and she said it's just a phase, they'll be fine skipping meals sometime. It is so, so frustrating but you just have to try to relax about it.

Because he might not be needing as much food right now you could try not giving him the morning snack and see if he's hungrier at lunch? This helped us too.

Finally, if you don't want to give him junky food, then don't -- it's not like he can cook it himself!

I really do sympathise, I was tearing my hair out just a few months ago, but really it should get better soon.

oops sorry that's so long

Take a look at the incredibly fussy eaters thread.

He's at the age where children understand that food is potentially poisonous. It's completely normal, he just needs to know that it's safe and he will do that through taste and smell and seeing you eat it too.

It really helps to get good cooking smells going - so fry the fishfingers rather than bake them, put some stock into the boiling pasta, add butter to the peas.

Do stay relaxed - otherwise he may read your emotion as there being a problem with the food. Let him take the it, don't put it towards his mouth at all. Walk away if you start to get tempted to intervene. Sit with him quietly, if he eats that's great, if he doesn't, that's ok too.

Always put a big selection on his plate, even if you know he won't eat it. Good luck.

My 17 month DD will go apeshit if I try to feed her; she just wants to feed herself. We've just had to let her use her own spoon and deal with the mess. Perhaps he just wants to be 100% independent?

As he's teething, offer soft finger foods: cooked pasta, cheese, corn on the cob, well-cooked beans (which my DD likes to "dip-dip" in tomato sauce), soft white bread....

Hmm, a load of great ideas there.

There may well be some mileage in the "bored" idea, but I'm a terrible cook so that could become interesting I just have no idea what to feed him and while I do let him self feed (it's a combo of BLW and spoon feeding for more difficult foods like soup) he's just refusing things point blank.

I think that today I'm going to try to push his nap a bit later (maybe out till 11.15 ish) and give him a sandwich lunch before then. Hopefully he's still have his full nap, and then nothing to eat when he wakes (we're out this afternoon). Then his "proper" meal at tea time and I'll try to eat something with him as I'm out for a formal meal later on so a small "snack" would probably be a good idea to soak up alcohol.

It maybe that everything is just teeth related and I'll just have to stick with feeding him bread and butter if he's refusing foods.

Hmm, at least with my DS, if it's teething then he wouldn't eat things like chicken strips, he would only want quite mushy things. But that could be an issue.

If you're worried about new ideas, you don't always have to 'cook' for him. My DS went through a phase where he would only eat cheese, ham and fruit, the doc said it was fine, they eat what they need at that time.

This may sound harsh, but when we realised he was stuck in a long fussy phase, we stopped trying to find the perfect things to feed him -- because it was totally unpredictable, one day he loved pasta, the next day he hated it. So we would just offer whatever we were having (perhaps slightly modified). If he didn't eat it, that was fine, and he could have cheese or fruit instead.

It was a big help mentally to go from omg, what can I feed him, to thinking, okay, will give him what we're having, if he likes it great, if not will try it again with him some other time.

Quick update.

Gave him some of DH's weetabix bites for breakfast - no milk and he scarffed them but was jamming them into his gums, so looks like teeth are the issue. Offered him more milk and he's also drinking loads as opposed to water, so think cold is good too.

I have given him a bit of Calpol when he woke, and will do some more just before his nap so think that's helping him as he normally hates taking it, but he was taking it no bother.

He's currently munching a sandwich - albeit picking out the filling and a few bits of cucumber, but he's at least eating something healthy. Doesn't look like he's after a nap, so will leave him for a bit and see.

Will try his favourite crispy tuna, potato and sweetcorn fingers for his dinner as they can freeze once cooked so if he doesn't eat them, then it's fine.

all again!

Good news!! Have u tried him with some melon? DD has been devouring melon fingers today, it must be helping her teeth.

Funnily enough, DH was told to get melon on the way home as an experiment - so we'll see today!

I can hear him playing with DH upstairs (my long lie day!) an he doesn't sound too grumpy, so fingers crossed.