Advice from mums re: shy toddlers & when to start nursery

[japp]

My 20month is very shy when i take her to playgroup or any other toddler classes. At home she is the exact opposite and doesnt stop talking all day long. When out she doesnt say a word and always wants to be near me.

I work only 6 hours a week (She happily stays with nanny whilst i am at work) so I am with her most of the time, however i take her to 3 activities a week to make sure she gets contact with other children.

I dont know whether i should start her in nursery at 2 or whether this would scare her even more or should i wait until 2/1/2 - 3 ? I am not a clingy mum and encourage her to play with other children but this doesnt seem to be working.

Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated .................

My DD has been fairly similar until recently. A whirlwind at home, non-stop talking, but really quiet at playgroups. We decided to start her at pre-school twice a week (3 hrs a time) at 2yrs 9mths, and she was fine. She is still fairly quiet in groups, but does join in and clearly enjoys group activities. I think she is perhaps just naturally more reserved than I am.

I think you can just go with your instincts about what would be best for her. I think because we are surrounded by so many people whose children have been in group childcare (without a parent) since a very young age, it's easy to think that you "should" put your own DC in a group situation. But you don't have to (if you have a choice, as it seems that you do). And at 20 months she is still really really young. Most children are absolutely not playing with other children at that age. They play alongside other children, and there's no point expecting them to act older than they are.

I think going with her to other activities, where you stay with her, is absolutely fine, if that's how she's happiest. She is still a baby, and you don't need to encourage independence by leaving her alone, if you have that choice.

Wait till 2.5 or I would say nearer 3. Nearer 3 their confidence and independence is much better. As you say she's getting social stuff from activities you do so there's no hurry.

My DD has been with a CM since she was 4 months old ( finances dictated...) but she is still very quiet and some would say 'reserved' in larger group situations.

In January we decided that it would be best for her to start mixing with larger groups so put her into a local 'school' (it's like a pre-school but more focused on the academic - have to wear a uniform that sort of thing). Because it's quite strict, it's not a big place and I think there are 12 children (between the ages of 2 and 3) in DD's class. She goes there 2 days a week and is with her CM the other 2 days (I have Fridays off with her) and she has changed SOOOO much in just 2 months.

Her speech has improved, her confidence has improved but the school say that she still doesn't tend to join in, she watches intently from the sidelines and takes it all in, but she's not a joiner. Maybe that's just the way she is.

We've decided that from September this year, she will move to 4 days a week there because I think it will help her even more.

So maybe think about just a morning a week and then increase it in 6 months or so and see how you go. It could be that she's just going to be quiet and there's nothing wrong with that. But it might be nice to give her the opportunity and just see how she goes. If she's not happy, you can always rethink.