14 mo really not settling at nursery

[ninaprettyballerina]

I'm getting really upset and can't see the right thing to do. DS2 started nursery Jan 18 and goes 3 days pw. He still doesn't sleep and is 'sensitive' all day and the girls have to hold him all day everyday. He's just not settling. I think hes so unhappy as he's tired but the only time he slept was when he was left outside in a pram on his own. It was 1 degree that day so DH said he wasn't happy with that and he hasn't slept again since.
His older brother goes to the same nursery so it's convenient but is that enough of a reason to persevere? I have to work so that's not part of the equation.
I think I need a meeting with them but currently they just say other than putting him outside to sleep (on his own) they can't think of any other options. Should I just allow this and hope his mood improves? Look at a CM? But I'd want to keep DS1 at this nursery.
Breaks my heart as before nursery he hardly ever cried and was such an easygoing boy.

I should also add that he's been poorly more often than not and seems to be teething again now. All have a factor in his moods but how long do I give it before something has to change? Currently he's spending 3 days a week upset, not playing/developing/gaining new skills :(

maybe if you can ask a cm for a trial of even 1 week -it does seem severe to have him out in the winter -. and you dont sound like you would do that yourself -. is he his normal playing self on his days off nursery -do you give him calpol b4 he goes if he teething i really do feel for you its so hard being a working mum -- i know i work ft

dont know why all they lines are there ??

I used to work in the baby room of a nursery (was made redundant last year) and what you are explaining isn't unheard of. (apart from the sleeping outside thing) We had children who took a long time to settle into the routine of the nursery and to get used to being away from mum. If he isn't sleeping, you'll probably find that is one of the most important reasons he isn't finding it so easy. Why not suggest that they put him down in a buggy in their sleeping area.
My son went to nursery at nine months old when I went back to work (not in the same room) and never once slept in a cot as he point blank refused. He always slept in his buggy.
The only problem we had is that our manager had "read somewhere" that it wasn't healthy for a baby to sleep in a buggy so I then had to write a letter as his mother, also a paying customer, that I wanted him to sleep, and if they only way he would was in a buggy then so be it.
I would give it some more time and I'm sure sooner or later he will come round and absolutely love it.
It's very difficult as a mother to see your child distressed but as you know he is in a very safe environment where he will learn skills that will help throughout life.

Keep at it and good luck x

Sorry for rambling..
It won't help for him to be held all day as if he becomes used to this he will expect it to happen all the time, and will become even harder once it has to stop it sounds as though I'm being really cruel but I'm being realistic.
The worst thing with nurseries is the infections and unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about this but he will become more tolerant.
He has only been there a month, we had a child slightly older than your son who took almost 3 months to properly settle in. It will happen x

Is he a confident walker or still wobbling/crawling. I would check that the room he is in isn't filled with very confident walkers/runners and he feels a bit nervous of getting knocked about.
Could he be moved back down to the baby room for a bit, then possibly have visits to the toddler room until he gains his confidence. Also which 3 days is he going, are they in a row or alternate days, it can make a difference to some children.
Could you change/add some mornings only to enable him to settle without having to have a sleep. You also need to ensure he isn't over tired when you take him in, this may mean adjusting his sleeping and eating pattern at home.
It is still early days and could take another few months to settle properly.

Thanks for the replies. I know it takes time to settle (took DS1 almost a year really) but its just the fact he's upset ALL DAY. The only time he slept was outside in the pram but he was strapped down and left on his own (asleep but still :( ) and that just seems cruel. He can't move and they wouldn't hear him upset as he's outside alone.
He doesn't walk but I didn't think that was an issue as he's used to DS1 running rings round him. Thinking of suggesting I resettle ie spend a morning there with him then take him home. Not sure if that's counter productive though.

I wouldn't recommend staying there with him, it's giving him mixed messages and he will be more upset the next time when you leave. Just give it some more time, maybe take a special toy or blanket that will act as a comforter.

Maybe if he slept better at nursery he might be more settled there? My DD (18 months) is a disaster when she is overtired.

My DD does sleep outside at nursery, lots of them do. They have a deck for them and put the buggies out there and cover them up with lots of blankets. They don't put them out if it is below 0 and I am just happy that she sleeps. I don't see a problem with it. But, I suppose this not an unusual thing for this nursery.

I hope he settles soon.

Aw, that sounds really tough. I feel for you.

You might want to think about the sleeping outdoors thing. I live in Sweden where everyone does it with their own babies at home, even in minus temperatures. Important is that they're toasty warm, but this can easily be achieved with the right clothing/blankets etc. Nurseries do it too (though no children under 12 months in the nurseries here) also with good warm clothing and covers. There is a strong belief here that kids sleeping in close proximity in stuffy baby rooms causes all the bugs and nasties to spread.

We moved here once DD1 was no longer napping at nursery and DD2 has yet to start, but she will certainly sleep outdoors when she starts there. At the moment she will sleep her main nap outside perhaps one day out of three (in a buggy which we can fully recline) but over here everyone is outdoors with their kids every day, no matter how cold.

I'm not saying that outdoor sleeping in freezing temperatures will fix your little one's anxieties with his new nursery, but just that if that's what works for him getting much needed sleep, then I don't think it's so bad for him.

Hope you can talk with staff and find a good solution for him, and you, to feel better about this.

If he is still miserable all day I wouldn't force him to stay. Also, did they ask you before they left him to sleep outside? That's unacceptable in my view. There is much to be said for a child attending nursery if it is the right setting for them and they are happy to do it, but what is the point if they are so sad. He is still so young, what is to be gained from all of this?

I agree with surroundedbyblondes. Sleeping outside can be fantastic for infant sleep, that's why in the olden days everyone put their babies out to sleep. Have you noticed that crying babies will often stop crying when taken outside?, same thing.

Have you tried sleeping outside yourself before? It's really nice (well it is in NZ anyway, where the air is fresh).

The cold isn't an issue unless its snowing or raining and sufficient blankets are provided. Having your DS sleep in cooler temperatures is far more conducive to decent sleep than being inside a stuffy room with lots of activity, noises, etc.

Otherwise investigate a CM who will take both your children together?

Hi Nina, how are you feeling about it all this morning? I can understand that it must be very upsetting, especially as you say that you need to get out to work.

Thinking more about the sleeping in a pram/buggy thing, I wonder if it would also help him as it's his familiar environment, smells of home etc.

Would definately agree that a well-rested baby is much better able to cope with things than an over-tired one.

But you need to feel confident and happy in whatever solution you have. Don't battle through with things that don't feel right to you, no matter what anyone else says.

How about this...

1. You agree to let him sleep outside for a set period (say two weeks). Provide lots of blankets/rain cover/teddies/comforter etc and specify that you want him to be checked on every 10/15 mins so you know he is not getting upset outside by himself.

1. See whether his behaviour chages during this time...if he starts to settle, then good news!!

1. However, if he is still not settling despite the nap, the I'd look into finding an alternative. I think some babies are not cut out for a nursery environment until they are much older. DS is one of them...I followed my gut and took him out.

Well today he had a brilliant day! He slept in his room (only an hour but better than nothing!) he ate loads and crawled off and played on his own!
I think it was just illness. Phew