4 year old tantrums - normal or not?

[malinkey]

My DS is 4 and is a very loving child who is usually pretty chilled out, quite a sensitive soul and is happy to sit colouring for ages. He is good as gold when he's at nursery where he has lots of friends, but has started playing me up something terrible in the last few months.

I am a single parent and left his father last year because he was emotionally abusive. DS now lives with me and sees his dad every other weekend for 2 nights.

I've been monitoring this very carefully to see how he's coping and he always seems to go there very happily and gives his dad a big hug and tells me about all the nice things they've been doing when he's there.

But he has started having huge tantrums, screaming at me about anything and everything and has even hit and kicked me a few times. He gets really angry and it can take him quite a while to calm down. Anyone listening from outside would probably think he's being tortured, poor love, but really it can be over absolutely anything!

I've been trying to be really consistent and give him time outs when I feel they're needed (using the 123 Magic method). And I try and give him lots of cuddles and positive reinforcement when I can. Sometimes though when I say something positive to him about how well he's done something or whatever he says he doesn't like it and tells me to stop!

Anyway, I suppose what I really wanted to know is if this is normal behaviour for his age/circumstances and what if anything I can do differently.

Thanks

I'd say normal for the age and circumstances and you are absolutely doing the right thing by having a consistent approach.

Thanks baby - I think I worry so much about whether I'm doing the right thing I can't see the wood for the trees sometimes and then I don't know if he is just being naughty or if he is really upset about not living with his dad any more.

So I try and be consistent but in reality I am probably a bit of a soft touch.

My dd had tantrums at this age, also over not much, also a sensitive soul and I am also a single parent!!

I tried to do all the same things as you, lots of positive attention, reward chart, consistent punishments.

Things that helped included having structure and routine, making sure dd knew what I expected of her and a 'when and then' approach ie 'when you have done this then you can have this'

Over the summer she was quite bad with the tantrums and I ended conviscating a load of her toys, she hated it and amazingly it worked a treat, saw a big improvement in her behaviour!!!