You know when you wish you hadn't asked.....?

[forward]

I posted on here a while ago about a friend of DS1 (10yo). He's been to our house a few times and always been lovely, but I've been a bit concerned about him. Nothing dreadful, little things that on there own are fair enough, but all together make me wonder if home is not quite what it should be for him. Sometimes he smells a bit, I've never met or spoken to mum, arrangements always made by text, in the holidays he's more or less feral, always collected by older brother (c. 14yo) and mum has resisted my offers to drive him home, has regular attacks of breathing difficulties at school but doesn't want mum to be called (but apparently not asthmatic). He's relatively new to the school and seems to have been to a lot of schools, doesn't quite fit in with the other children. DS1 seems to have taken him under his wing, there was a note in his Christmas card thanking DS1 for his "support"

Anyway, I work at the school and just mentioned my concerns to the welfare officer - I just wanted to check she was aware, which she was. I went on to say OK good, none of my business, but she felt I should know that he's been on the at risk register in the past, but isn't now and that mum is a huge woman with a fierce temper. They have apparently had issues at school where the boy has taken a (wrong) tale home about how he's been disciplined for something he didn't (did) do and she's turned up making threats etc.

Now, obviously I shouldn't know any of this. The boy has always been perfectly well behaved in my house, but if he wasn't I'm strict with guests in the same way I am with my own DC. The implication is though that he could make something up that might set his mum off. So far I have enjoyed having him, DS1 is fond of him and it does seem that he sees our house as a bit of a haven - he certainly seems more relaxed here than he does at school. So, I don't want to stop him coming, but I am a bit nervous and I don't think I could let DS1 go there (although never been invited anyway) . What would you do?

bump?

Have you posted about this boy before? The details sound familiar.

I'd continue facilitating the friendship by allowing the boy to come over. I don't see why anything you have found out about the mum should change that.

I would wish I'd never heard what I'd heard!... And try desperately to pretend to myself I hadn't heard it, because the boy deserves to be judged on the basis of his behaviour with you and on your ds's opinion of him, not on his behaviour with, in his perception, threatening authority figures out to cause trouble for him and his mum and not give him a fair chance.

Yes Kiss, I posted about whether I should tell the welfare officer....

I'd try my best to pretend I'd not heard it. I doesn't seem likely that your son will be invited to his house so hopefully that's something you won't need to worry about.

I would pretend you had not heard this and possibly talk with the welfare officers supervisor about telling you info you should not have been privvy to. But there may be fall out from that.

I would continue with the friendship facilitating it at your house, I too would not send ds to their house, but would probably say that regardless of what the welfare officer had told you. Seems you are the better person in all of this for accepting this boy and giving him a fair chance, you should be very proud that has obviously rubbed off on your son.