Toddler vomiting to get attention .. I think..

[pregnantwarrior]

Thread title may be slightly misleading but didn't know how to get whole situation into title!

Basically, ds2 (2.5) will very quickly cough to the point of vomiting (within a minute) if he is upset about something. He wont' always do this - sometimes he will just cry, or sometimes he will be fine.

Examples: he wanted me this morning. I was asleep and would have got up to him anyway, had he just woken me up / cried .. but he got so upset so incredibly quickly that he was about to be sick, but I managed to calm him down.

This evening, he was standing on a little toddler chair trying to reach a spoon from the drawer, when the chair tipped backwards and he fell off. I actually saw this happening and kind of half-caught him, but he still got a shock and still kind of fell. Again -crying / coughing just ot he point of about to be sick, but I managed to calm him down in the end before he did.

So - to clear up two misleading elements of the tile (but didn't know how else to put it!) - 1. I can almost always calm him down in the end before he is sick, but it's hard work and he has vomited before like this (just a couple of times) so I know I'm not imagining it.

1. CAn't just be for attention as I always go to him immediately and give him attention anyway (whether that is too much or too little is difficult to say) - I will elaborate below!

e.g. re attention - just me and him were hanging out before the chair fall incident. We were doing stuff together. So it couldn't have just been to get my attention then as he already had it.

If he wakes up at night I never ignore it - I go straight to him to find out what was wrong and comfort him / sleep with him if it was a nightmare / not well etc.

He seems to genuinely be out of control with the whole coughing thing .. I think he shocks himself. I seem to remember when he was younger he would cry to the point of working himself up into a state and not knowing how to stop crying. Again - I never ignored him so it can't have been for attention in that sense.

On the other hand, I work full time, so don't se a lot of him during the week. Could it perhaps be a general cry for attention??

I really want to nip this in the bud.

Not least because:
(a) I don't want it to perpetuate / escalate as I don;t think it;s healthy for him or for our relationship (don't want him to get overworked and don't want him using it to get his own way)
(b) I have a phobia of vomiting
(c) I am expecting dc3 and worry about any ensuing sharing of attention and the jealousy that might cause and how he might deal with that.

Any help very gratefully received.

Please don't tell me to let him vomit as I really do have a phobia of this and it's very difficult for me. I need to find an alternative way of getting over this problem.

Thank you!

I think there seem to be a lot of things going on here, but all I would say is you need to stay calm and reassure him when he gets like this. He sounds like he is frightened, genuinely panicking. My son did this on a plane once when he thought I had left him alone (he was sitting with his dad I was in the loo). And it was a combination of fear I'd gone, fear of the new (flight) and blind panic. He hasn't done it since, but I know my husband did it when he was little and his mother was not reassuring towards him, which seems to have perpetuated it. Hope helpful.

Thanks anonymosity - that is helpful.

I think he does go into total panic mode very quickly and once in it, can't seem to control it.

I try to be as reassuring as I can, but it is difficult because - if too reassuring, maybe he won't learn how to calm himself down? (I have only just stopped bfing - but do not think this is necessarily triggering it now as he was doing this before as well) .. but I suppose the breast was calming him down and if he didn't get that he would panic. Now he will just panic and doesn't have the breastfeeding to comfort him at all .. in fact it is making more sense to me minute by minute. He doesn't know how to self-soothe and the end of bf has probably made this worse.

As I said, I try to be as reassuring as possible - immediately picking him up / hugging him, calm voice etc., whilst trying to be calm about telling him to stop getting into a state because Mummy is here etc.

If I catch him before he gets into the state, he is fine. But once he is in it, it's like he has just started going down a slide and can't get off no matter how much he wants to.

Just now, for example, he woke up crying (a usual occurrence!) - as I was awake already I went to him within about 3 seconds, checked he was ok, brought him into my bed, and he went back to sleep immediately (know from past exp almost impossible to settle back in cot). NO fuss - all fine.

If, on the other hand, I had been asleep and it had taken me a couple of minutes to wake up and go to him, he would have been starting on his full-blown panic attack.

I'm sure others will tell me to stop going to him but I believe (and it sounds like you agree anonymosity) that actually it is the giving of enough love, attention and reassurance that will get him through this phase. Also, as I said, not sure what else to do as really don't want him to be sick.

But I also don't want this to become more of a problem - as I said - of making him manipulative when older (because he has seen that if he makes a fuss Mummy will come running) .. also, it will be a problem when the new baby comes if he is still regularly sleeping with me for parts of the night..

this sounds just like ds2. he would cry so much if I left him he made himself sick. It was a nightmare when he went to pre school. lucky the staff were great and although he was sick a couple of times they knew it was because I left rather than him being ill. He has grown out of this thankfully. he's now 6. He was about 4-5 when he became 'better'.
he still someimes gets really upset and will run to the toilet himself if he is going to be sick.
no real advice you seem to be doing really well and hopefully he will grow out of it. good luck

No, he's not doing it to get attention. He's doing it because he has a very shallow gag reflex and it happens when he's upset. My son was the same - I had to RUN to him when he got upset or woke in the night because if he was allowed to get upset there'd be vomit everywhere.

He can't help it. He is not choosing to vomit.

It might be something worth mentioning to your doctor.

My son grew out of it. In our case it was massively exacerbated by an undiagnosed dairy allergy.

When I look back I am SO THANKFUL that I ignored everyone telling me he was just doing it for attention and that I shouldn't reward him. It was bloody relentless, you have my sympathies OP - I sometimes felt like he had me over a barrel - I had to do whatever he wanted or there would be sick everywhere.

My son is now nearly 4, hasn't vomited properly for... I can't even remember. Months? And all the behavioural issues left behind by always getting his own way have been ironed out. We got there.

Where does he spend the day while you're at work? Maybe there's something going on with the nursery/childminder/nanny and it's making him anxious... Considering he spends a big part on his day in this environment, I would start by investigating this.

Interesting schroedingersdodo - combination of nursery in the mornings and nanny the rest of the time. I see him often during the night (I know, I know..) and in the mornings for an hour or so. And the whole weekend.

He is generally very happy - very lively, talkative, smiling and laughing all the time. But sometimes this just comes over him.

He has also been having quite a lot of nightmares over the last couple of weeks - usually something scary in his cot looking at him.

His brother went to the same nursery and I do trust them - small classes and very nurturing. He has been there since September so not a new thing. I wouldn't think it's the nanny scaring him, but of course you never know. But I'm pretty sure nothing to do with her - he runs down to her every morning and is excited to see her every day.

DH can be quite unpredictable in his behaviour (very energetic with the dcs, lively, adventurous etc. - but can also be quite dismissive and changeable - i.e. something can be fine one time and not allowed the next time).. so I wonder if it might be related to that. Or he could be going through a phase of panicking about me not being around so much. I would never prioritise my job over the dcs wellbeing, so if I thought it was that I might change my job or stop working altogether. But equally, I don't want to do something as drastic as that if it is unrelated.

very reassuring ben5 and silentboob, that you agree it's not really an attention-seeking thing (despite the title of this thread) .. although it does worry me that they seem to grow out of it around 4 /5 / 6. That is worrying, to think of another 3 years of this - esp with a new baby coming, and he will be the middle child.

Well, it's really hard to know without knowing the child. Maybe he's more sensitive and is picking up on something (can be your DH, or something at the nursery, or the pregnancy). It's so hard to find out what is going on, isn't it?

He seems to have something distressing him - the problem is, you don't know what it is... I think extra attention and cuddles won't do any harm, and may help, whatever is the problem.

I also think this isn't attention seeking (not that there's anything wrong with that anyway,while a toddler) He really sounds as though he gets scared and upset and overwhelmed and I second the shallow gag reflex.My dd gets into completely monstrous tantrummy states if she's had a fright or something has upset her at school(she is 4).I'm sure if she had a strong gag reflex that she would be vomiting too as she gets so upset. He is far to small to "calm himself down".He sounds as though reassurance and more reassurance is the answer.I wonder if he is also picking up cues to your phobia and so panicking even more of he feels nauseous? You sound as though you are doing the right things,not leaving him to cry etc.I would also try getting him to talk about anything that might have upset him.

I think if you can repeat simple phrases like "everything is fine, everything is fine" that eventually when he is old enough, he can repeat these for himself, but for now he does need the reassurance from you and you're giving it, so that's the absolute best you can do. hang in there - I know its not easy when you're expecting another one!