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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

9 month old - should she be able to entertain herself more?

18 replies

Booboostoo · 19/02/2012 08:26

DD is our first child, now 9 months old and DP and I are quite worried that we might bring up a totally spoilt, indulged child so keen to avoid that possibility despite being new at this!!

DD seems to need a lot of time with us and stimulation from us which we are giving her, but we're not too sure if we should be trying to make her a tad more self-sufficient. She will happily play in her Jumperoo with me next to her typing in her computer for quite a while (40mins?), she will sit in her pen and play while I nip next door to the kitchen (15mins?) and will stay in the pram indefinately as long as we're pushing it around, but other than that she prefers to be playing with us, sitting on us, etc. Is that just what babies need at this age or is she already getting a bit too dependent on us?

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Magneto · 19/02/2012 08:31

IMO she's fine and that's perfectly normal. 9 months isn't that big but enjoy the attention while you can - my ds is 18 months and wants to do everything himself! All I'm good for is fetching things he can't reach it seems

Tee2072 · 19/02/2012 08:33

Oh please, she's 9 months, she's a baby! You can't spoil a baby with too much attention! She's supposed to be dependant on you.

3littlefrogs · 19/02/2012 08:36

I am aghast TBH.

Please, please go and get some basic parenting books and read them.

Sorry - I don't mean to be rude, but I forsee awful problems ahead if you don't educate yourselves a little about parenting, and what your expectations should be.

defineme · 19/02/2012 08:39

She's actually much more independent than some 9 months old.
It is a very short time in the scheme of her life that she'll depend on you. Make the most of it.

OnAQuest · 19/02/2012 08:42

When my DS was that age he needed lots of attention and entertainment from us- he would never have let me leave him for 40 mins! It can be tiring but its only a short period of time until she will be more independent. Can she crawl? Do u have a play mat she can lay on with toys dangling down adn mirrors to look at?

catsareevil · 19/02/2012 08:45

That doesnt sound unusually 'dependent' for a 9 month old. None of my children at that age would have played for 40 minutes without needing some attention.
Do you see much of other children who are at a similar age?

madaboutmadmen · 19/02/2012 08:49

She's happy to spend a lot more time by herself than my LO was at 9 months. Don't get too hung up on what you think should be happening, just go with your baby. She will grow more independent but young children need a LOT of attention, which will possibly increase when she's a toddler and starts pulling you around the house with her

I'm sure you're doing a great job, just muddle on like the rest of us . Had to get up off the sofa in the middle of this post to go and see the 'peas' in the garden - ? toddlers!

nenevomito · 19/02/2012 08:49

You're not making her dependent on you. At 9mos, 40 mins in a jumperoo is nothing short of miraculous

I know how hard it is when they want to be with you all the time, but I have to beg mine for affection now - unless I'm on the phone, strangely, when I turn into the most desirable person on earth

ginmakesitallok · 19/02/2012 08:51

self sufficient at 9 months????

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/02/2012 08:54

OP, your DD sounds like she can manage more independent play than most. dd2 is 15mo and can occasionally manage 5mins by herself, but only if she's doing something forbidden

usingapseudonym · 19/02/2012 09:17

I don't think my 9 month old would have managed 40 minutes in a jumperoo - more like 5minutes! My 3 year old will play for a little while I'm mumsnetting (!) but she's 3 and can play at building blocks, make believe now.

9 months is often when they get separation anxiety (completely normal developmental stage) so may get upset if you leave the room or their sight and this is completely normal. (Just to reassure you you really aren't "spoiling" her).

daytoday · 19/02/2012 10:04

Has someone said 'your spoiling her' to you or your partner?

Trust that when she is ready, she will begin to find you and your husband the most boring and irritating people in her life. Children are really self programmed - she will develop concentration slowly. When children start school 4/5 years old in UK, the teachers rarely plan a concentrated activity that lasts longer than 10 mins.

Mine do play for hours by themselves (5 & 10) we provided the right toys, showed them how to do it. But probably didn't start till nearly 2. Language, imagination, body control were all in place - a 9 month old baby has none of these things.

The idea of 'spoiling a baby' is a ridiculous and outdated notion. Some children simply don't like playing by themselves, others do, some like toys, others like arts and crafts.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 19/02/2012 11:10

Many thanks everyone, that is very helpful!

My mum thinks we are spoiling her because she is bf and co-sleeping, but I know she is talking rubbish about that and I am happy to continue both despite her worries. DP was getting a bit worried she's too attached to me because she has started with separation anxiety issues and inevitably she prefers me to anyone else! I don't mind that much as I love spending time with her, just don't want to turn her into a brat - no risk of that just yet though from what everyone says!

BTW when she's on the jumperoo she's right next to me and I do smile at her, tell her she's clever, etc. to keep rewarding her, I don't leave her on there alone for 40 mins.

OP posts:

Original poster

Booboostoo · 19/02/2012 11:12

Forgot to add, no I don't see any other children of that age. I am in France and can't find a mother/toddler group anywhere - they don't seem to exist over here. She's not in nursery/childminder so she's with me all day long and my friends who have older children.

I do have parenting books (loads of them as I generally find them very useful) but they don't cover absolutely everything so no harm in asking on here is there?

OP posts:

dearprudence · 19/02/2012 11:21

Of course it's OK to ask here too. It's what MN is for.

I think you need to trust your own instincts more. You can't spoil a baby and I think it's way too early to think about teaching her independence. She will show you soon enough when she's ready to do things on her own.

usingapseudonym · 19/02/2012 12:26

Aw bless you. Honestly don't worry. 9 months is really normal for them to want to be attached to mum. Bf and Co-sleeping is giving your daughter a great start in life. By giving her a really secure attachment at this age (reassuring her you're there, and by what you are doing) will mean she can go out confident when she is older.

We co-slept, bf, didn't let her cry long at all and now at 3 my daughter is one of the most outgoing in her pre-school. She's quite a secure confident child, part of which is personality, but it does go to show that we didn't "spoil" her as a child, similar has happened with others who did similar!

Trust your instinct. Is hard when family sew a niggle of doubt isn't it though.

OnAQuest · 19/02/2012 17:39

Dont let others make you doubt yourself- I bf and co-slept and now my ds 2.5 if confident and out going (for a 2 year old) but still is loving and affectionate- so the best of both worlds now. Your doing great.

daytoday · 19/02/2012 19:00

its lovely that she is so attached to you. I don't think there's anything you can DO to cue the arrival of separation anxiety. Its a development phase.

Our parents were given very different rules to us about parenting - it is very hard for them as they want to give help, but its all outdated, they just don't know it!

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