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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feeding to sleep - help me break the habit

21 replies

catgirl1976 · 18/02/2012 22:29

My DS is 12 weeks old now

I used to get him to sleep by feeding him sat on the edge of my bed and then put him in his crib when he fell asleep

My back was in bits doing this and for the last 2 weeks or so I have been feeding him lying down in my bed and once he falls asleep my DH (who is downstairs with the monitor on) comes up, puts him in his cot and then I go to sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep with him and DH just puts him in his cot and leaves me sleeping.

As much as I love our night time feed and cuddles, I feel like this is far from ideal and I would like to be able to get to a point where he can self soothe and I can put him straight down in his crib

As I type we are trying but DH is upstairs on the 4th go of settling him

I know it isnt going to be easy, but does anyone have any tips as we have no idea how best to break this habit

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surprisearrival · 19/02/2012 00:45

WHITE NOISE! cannot say it with more confidence. I am a single mum (who gave birth without knowing I was pregnant! and so completely unprepared!) and so have had no help with the sleep stuff! Used to feed to sleep and struggle to wake to put her (unsuccessfully!) to bed. Eventually managed to put her to ed after hours of singing, cuddling and rocking (yawn!). But at about 5 months (and not one full nights sleep!)... I tried white noise, I noticed dd would always fall asleep whilst I dried my hair, and another mummy friend recomoended playing white noise as DD went to sleep. I got an app on Ipod (but a radio not tuned in properly works too!) that played white noise. First time I tried it I was able to put an awake DD into cot and she settled herself.. and slept through. Its a miracle! We then brought a "prince lionheart" - same idea, plays white noise (and other noises, tunes, or recordings).. but turns itself on when it feels vibrations on the mattress (crying!). So if she wakes in the night and cries, the noise starts and she settles herself, and sleeps! She is now 12 months and sleeps at least 12 hours at night, and has to be woken from her afternoon nap after 2 hours.

I was so sceptical but white noise really works for us at least! If you think about it, baby had so much noise whilst in your womb, that expecting her to sleep in the quiet is a bit much! White noise wont wind them up, or excite/ scare them but provides some noise!

Octaviapink · 19/02/2012 09:49

Good grief, carry on!! He's only twelve weeks old! He'll get better at going to sleep by himself by around six months (you'll probably find you can feed then put him down drowsy). If you're still feeding him to sleep when he's fifteen, you've got a problem then.

Octaviapink · 19/02/2012 09:50

But seriously - feeding to sleep is one of the HUGE advantages of breastfeeding. It's the best 'cheat' there is. Don't worry about habits, your baby is changing All The Time and you won't be doing this forever. For now, do what works and don't worry!

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 19/02/2012 09:53

at feeding him to sleep at 15

Thank you for the advice surprise I have heard white noise works so will give it a go

octaviait is so nice and so easy but DH thinks we are storing up trouble and he will never be able to spend a night away from us etc

OP posts:

PestoPenguin · 19/02/2012 10:06

All mine have been fed to sleep for months until they were ready not to. They all go to sleep without it now and have done for a long time. They are 6, 4 and 2.

12 weeks is tiny!

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 19/02/2012 10:08

OK - So this isn't some terrible lazy mummy habit? That's a big relief!

OP posts:

PestoPenguin · 19/02/2012 10:08

PS, I found feeding them sitting on the sofa watching TV much more sociable and then either holding them, putting them in rocker chair/moses basket with me, or (once they were 6 months plus) getting DH to carry them upstairs.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 19/02/2012 11:41

I do feed him to sleep downstairs but he always wakes either being carried up or within 10 mins of being put down, so I end up upstairs and not seeing a lot of DH which is a bit :(

OP posts:

Octaviapink · 19/02/2012 12:01

It's NOT a lazy-mummy thing at all - it's what has worked for generations of babies. Both mine were fed-to-sleep and in the event there's a DC3 it will be as well! I appreciate what you say about not seeing much of DH in the evening, though it will improve. How long are DS's feeds? You say it was doing your back in - have you got a comfy chair you can move into your room that you could feed him in?

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 19/02/2012 12:03

he feeds for around an hour

we do have a chair which dh was suggested moving up to the bedroom

he is a really good baby so we are lucky i was just worried i was getting him into a bad habit but it sounds like not so thats a big relief

OP posts:

VenusWineTrap · 19/02/2012 21:23

Aww I really wouldn't worry at 12 weeks! I have a nursing chair in DD's room and I really miss our feeding special sleepy time, she's 15 months now.
There was never really a way to stop her falling asleep on me, i used to worry about it too. Sometimes I'd try and rouse her by gently tickling her neck before putting her down, so she was drowsy but not asleep, but to be honest, as someone has previously said, it's a fabulous sleep tool, and my DD didn't stop feeding to sleep till I moved her onto a bedtime bottle at 12 months (she never falls asleep on that).
The only thing I would say that I think really helps is to feed him in his own room with the lights low, so at least when he wakes he is in a familiar place.

StrandedBear · 19/02/2012 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petrean · 19/02/2012 21:42

I personally would continue feeding to sleep for longer, I promise it is much easier than the alternative. I stopped feeding to sleep when mine was 11 months. And I used to be able to get him to sleep at the breast in about 5 mins and sneak back to bed... When I stopped feeding to sleep I could be in there for hours!

schroedingersdodo · 20/02/2012 17:14

What's wrong with feeding to sleep? He'll grow out of it at some point, and in the meantime your (and your baby's) lives will be easier and more peaceful. I wouldn't worry at all.

hubbahubster · 20/02/2012 17:28

It's not particular to BF - DS is FF now and still feeds to sleep. I pop him down once he's nodded off feeding on my lap and he's 7mo. Still waking in the night for a feed too - that's a bigger problem than the feeding to sleep! You're fine :)

Molehillmountain · 20/02/2012 19:02

White noise works for us too-although I feed to sleep as well! The white noise makes dd2 calm enough to feed and also blocks out the noise from my other two dc! In the early weeks it was enough by itself. Eventually, the other two learned fairly naturally to manage without either. Try finding a comfier way to sit and feed. If edge of bed is best, a stool for your feet might mean you're not slouching so much.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 20/02/2012 20:46

Thank you so much everyone :)

I'm going to continue feeding him to sleep as it doesn't appear to be an issue

He is my first baby and non of my friends have DCs so I am muddling along and advice and support like this is great

OP posts:

Molehillmountain · 20/02/2012 21:12

Enjoy it! I was about feeding my first to sleep because all the books banged on about independence and self settling, so I missed out on enjoying the snuggly time with dd. not so with the other two. Have reluctantly admitted that I sleep better with dd2 in with Ds but feed her to sleep and intend to nap with her tomorrow while dd at school and Ds at Pre school,

Bumpsadaisie · 20/02/2012 23:17

Toddlers babies self settle when they are ready. Once they are ready it's a piece of cake.

Just so you know - they are all different too my dd was 20 months before I could tuck her in, sing a song, give her dummy and say night night.

My DS is 15 weeks and as long as he is full and drowsy he is happy to lie in his cot awake and drift off by himself. Seems like a miracle after dd!!

Lac365 · 21/02/2012 19:36

I use to feed my baby to sleep. She only ever napped during the day for 30mins in the morning and the same again in the afternoon and it would take me all morning and afternoon too get her to sleep those 30mns.

At it's worst she was wakening 9/10 times a night and I would have to nurse her back to sleep. This was at 9 months old. I was exausted and she was exausted.

In the end I called our Health Visitor who helped us with a plan (controlled crying) to help her learn how to fall asleep by herself.

My point is that for some babies they never learn by themselves to self settle. Just my experience!

Areallytiredwoman · 26/02/2012 22:18

dd has always nursed to sleep as she cluster fed for the first 14 weeks so was not really off my boob long enough to sleep by herself IYSWIM. She is now 5 months and feeds briefly at bed time and goes down asleep (comapred to two hours of feeding/putting down/crying/feeding ad infinitum). It gets better as they get older and more secure IMO (I could have written your post about 4 weeks ago - in fact I think I did! Then things changed again)

During the day I have started to rock her to sleep in her pushchair as I will be going back to work soon and she needs to learn to sleep for others and not just me. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. She has just started to self settle when she wakes in the night and doesn't need a feed which is new and a relief .

If i wasn't going back to work I would continue to feed to sleep and let her develop naturally but as it is, she needs to fit around my time frame

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